let me know what you think

[mikey2much]

From the time I wrote my first story, I have tried to explain who the people are and why they are doing the things that they are doing in the story. But everyone tells me that having a ‘hook line’ as close to the beginning as possible is a good thing to get the reader’s interest.

Please take a look at my new story, ‘Rough Play’, let me know what you think.
I have tried to avoid building an identity for my characters, or an explanation for their actions. I start the story with action as seen and felt by both characters. No scene setting, no descriptions of the players, only the actions, feelings and thoughts are shared with the reader.

You can’t go long like this without getting old so it had to be a very short story. It totals fifteen hundred and thirty five words. All the whys and wherefores are taken care of in the last six paragraphs with a bit of a plot twist.

I would be very interested in your views.

 

[DeeZire]

Reading about a rape from the victim's POV was not entertaining to me. I skimmed through until the relationship of the two characters was revealed. At that point, I was interested, but by then it was too late.

 

[mikey2much]

Thank you for your reply. I felt that I was writing the ultimate stroker story. It could be that I was wrong.

However it wasn’t a rape at all and I thought that the title might give the reader a clue on that.

Would you think that a scene like that written in the same style might open a longer story? A story where you would learn more about the characters only after the opening.

Maybe this entire conversation is about my inability to come up with a good opening sentence. A good Hook as they say.