Lesbian Sex Story: Form Advice Needed

[moomoo80]

Hi all,

I'm after some advice on form for a trilogy I'm working on. They are all based on my sexual fantasies about my friend: the two people in them are real, my feelings are real, but the content is fiction.

The first part 'Falling' - which I wrote and submitted in August - received a comment which criticised the form, saying it was more like a letter to my lover than a story and therefore lacked context / situation which they felt made the sexual descriptions lack eroticism.

I've since gone back through and reworked some sections to address this but the letter-style form is still the same. I feel I want to continue in this style as the anonymous commenter is right - my writing is really for this amazing woman who turns me on in every way - but I'm now questioning this decision as, after all, I'm publishing them here rather than showing them to her!

Should I be turning them into more conventional fictional stories? Or describing the sexual content differently? Or sticking with my original idea and continuing in the same way?

Any advice / suggestions here and/or comments on 'Falling' in the section below my 'story' would be super helpful.

Link to 'Falling':
https://www.literotica.com/s/falling-36

Thanks!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Leave it as it is. It's intimate and lovely, and that's because of the narrative form you've used.

A piece of advice, if I may (as a writer with just over a million words here on Lit) - have the courage of your convictions when it comes to developing your style, and don't feel you have to change anything, certainly not because a single commentator says you should.

Ask yourself this for every "critical" comment you receive - how many stories has the commentator written, why is their opinion more important than your own, does their view have validity or is it merely their opinion? Mind you, if several commentators say the same thing, that's when you should pay attention, but just one person?

In this case, they didn't "get" your story. That's their failing, not yours.

Write your next story, and the next one. After ten or so stories of this length, you'll have an idea of your natural style. After only one story, you don't. Write more, that's how you find out who you are as a writer.

 

[AlinaX]

First person present tense always risks putting some readers off. It can be done well, but can also be too limited and too distracting. I say that as someone who often writes it.

In your case, you're very clearly talking to someone, 'you', a major distraction for the reader, and generally only seen in the Letters & Transcrpts category (and also Poetry).

As such, switching to past tense, and making the 'you/your' into 'she/her' (I assume) would make it immediately more accessible.

That said, it is your story, and if you want to do it this way, then go for it - but maybe stick it in Letters & Transcripts...

 

[Thefireflies]

I think your writing is beautiful with lots of raw emotion and it touched my heart. As other have said, don’t change a thing and find your style. If this is your style, it's a good place to start. The way you write will change, but maybe don't let your writing style be guided by unsolicited and potentially unqualified comments. After all, it’s not a letter at all, which would start something like, Dear Lover, remember the time my car wouldn’t start and you invited me to stay…

Like EB said, consider if critical comments hold weight. It’s difficult when there are few comments to compare them too, and it’s easy to focus on one negative over many positives, but remember they are one person’s opinion among many other opinions.

Good luck with the writing and the feelings

 

[yukonnights]

I just finished reading your story and really enjoyed it. I'm clearly not alone in that as your rating sits at 4.76 at this point.

In my comment I said I can see a path forward: What I suggest is strictly that — a suggestion for you to ponder. Since this first part is, as others have said, much more like a letter than a story: What if there were more letters shared between the two lovers? What if the other woman is, for whatever reason you might come up with, currently distant from you.

(as I read the piece I envisioned you writing this to the woman who is overseas on a military assignment. The love of your life so far away — her lips — her body — her love. All out of your reach while you worry every day she is gone — and you both long for the soft touches you once shared and hope for again.) < path forward but with you choosing the scenario that you feel.

So, this would set up a mutual exchange of letters between the two lovers. Which would also set up a situation where the readers could see the bigger picture and hopefully connect with both women.

The Lesbian category is a pretty friendly one. You already have almost all positive comments … which gives you every reason to not put too much confidence in the one who didn't "get it". Whatever you do, if it were me I would keep the story there.

Good luck and thank you for sharing those beautiful feelings!

 

[moomoo80]

Thanks so much to you all for taking the time to leave such detailed feedback, both here and at the end of 'Falling'. I found lots of your comments really reassuring as I feel I do want to continue in this style. On reflection, I think started writing in this way very naturally, as if I was speaking just to her, and this feels right for me. @Thefireflies I particularly appreciated your comment at the end of my story on how the strength of my feelings comes across as this was definitely my main reason for starting to write in the first place. Thanks also for the ideas to take forward too - really useful

 

[moomoo80]

Hi all, I published my second instalment about a week ago and ended up sticking with the original style but also incorporating some more background. Would love to know what you think if you have a chance! Thanks again xx

Link to 'Falling Part 2: Awakening':
https://literotica.com/s/falling-pt-02-awakening

 

[moomoo80]

I've now completed my 'Falling' trilogy in the Lesbian Sex category which explores my feelings and fantasies for my friend - kind of like a love letter I'll never send her. The sexual descriptions are all imagined but the rest is all real. The final part is more adventurous in terms of the sexual content but contains more background too. I hope you enjoy reading and would love to hear any feedback. Thanks

Falling, Pt 3: Fallen - Lube-covered strap-on fun, soapy bath sex, my confession
https://literotica.com/s/falling-pt-03-fallen

Link to series: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6139022&page=submissions