Lesbian Detectives

[NOIRTRASH]

I bought a book of lesbian detective stories.

Without exception these girls construct stories that seem like what you'd get from a crew of 11 year old boys playing cops and robbers. Girls don't clean out biker bars a la Clint Eastwood. Hell, they don't clean out lesbian bars in real life. Its all as close to real life as the army we played when I was a kid.

When I worked in the Tampa Shipyard Steinbrenner usta hire herds of bikers to lug and tote shit to the ships in drydock. Cranes were used for heavy machinery, bikers were used for cases of nuts and bolts. All of them dressed like the Fonz, and few owned Harleys or any real motorcycle. I called them SIDEWALK COMMANDOS. They were pussies pretending. That's what I thought as I read the stories of girl detectives. Girls don't smoke Camels! They don't keep spare Harley leather jackets in the trunk. And they don't walk in a nude bar and steal all the dancers.

 

[HandsInTheDark]

So you're saying you found a collection of lesbian fiction that caters to unrealistic fantasies?

I think if you look around Lit, the number one theme here is catering to unrealistic fantasies. There's not a lot of erotica that I've seen that talks about failed erections, women who get grumpy once a month, girls who marry the wrong guy but make a go of it anyway, or men who realise their female underling is looking to advance by pulling down her panties, but just shake their heads and move on.

So what if lesbians want to read about a bunch of women who act like cartoon men? I see a lot of straight fiction here where women act like cartoon women with the Infinite Sex Drive chip in their brains. Males in Romance seem to be either the kind of flawless no male ever was or wanted to be, or such utter scoundrels you wonder why they aren't in jail.

I mean it's a fairly fundamental fact: men and women look at each other and spend a lot of time wondering why what they see doesn't match the internalised ideal everyone has of a desirable man or woman. It generally takes a few decades to realise that people are they way they are for a reason, and the internal ideal we all carry is a lot of nonsense. So we grow up and try to form actual relationships - and find out it takes sacrifice, compromise and effort.

It's not a surprise that people occasionally want to retreat into a fantasy world where all this stuff is simple, and a lesbian can get some respect by trashing a bar just like cartoon men do. Or a world where gorgeous, willing women inexplicably didn't get married long before they met you. We're all about wish fulfilment here.

I see plenty of evidence that some people right here in the forums live in a fictional world, and make up facts to suit themselves. No surprise people want that in their reading material, too.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

So you're saying you found a collection of lesbian fiction that caters to unrealistic fantasies?

I think if you look around Lit, the number one theme here is catering to unrealistic fantasies. There's not a lot of erotica that I've seen that talks about failed erections, women who get grumpy once a month, girls who marry the wrong guy but make a go of it anyway, or men who realise their female underling is looking to advance by pulling down her panties, but just shake their heads and move on.

So what if lesbians want to read about a bunch of women who act like cartoon men? I see a lot of straight fiction here where women act like cartoon women with the Infinite Sex Drive chip in their brains. Males in Romance seem to be either the kind of flawless no male ever was or wanted to be, or such utter scoundrels you wonder why they aren't in jail.

I mean it's a fairly fundamental fact: men and women look at each other and spend a lot of time wondering why what they see doesn't match the internalised ideal everyone has of a desirable man or woman. It generally takes a few decades to realise that people are they way they are for a reason, and the internal ideal we all carry is a lot of nonsense. So we grow up and try to form actual relationships - and find out it takes sacrifice, compromise and effort.

It's not a surprise that people occasionally want to retreat into a fantasy world where all this stuff is simple, and a lesbian can get some respect by trashing a bar just like cartoon men do. Or a world where gorgeous, willing women inexplicably didn't get married long before they met you. We're all about wish fulfilment here.

I see plenty of evidence that some people right here in the forums live in a fictional world, and make up facts to suit themselves. No surprise people want that in their reading material, too.

Hans? Can we talk?

My wife luvs the lesbian detective bullshit.

I'm older than God with 3 daughters and 5 sisters, and know girls don't correlate closely with my dreams. I spent a whole career working with girls, and all things considered, girls perform no better or worse than guys.

But I've collided with a few guys and a few girls who were outstanding at their jobs. And I've seen both at their best and worst. There are real differences. Girls often are smarter and quicker to see patterns, and guys can carry heavier loads, further.

With me so far?

But the book promises 15 or 20 stories about real modern girls. They want JBJ to buy the book. And its bull shit, based on my long experiences with girls. Real lesbians are what I call GUY LITE. They pantomime men. But once in a while you meet one able to do the work in a girl way that works well. I've been in 100s of brawls, and never had a girl cop join in. They don't gotta weigh 200 pounds to fire a gun, and theyre usually better adjusted than me. But when you dont wanna kill the asshole, youre better off using me.

 

[TxRad]

For someone who reads so much, you understand very little about fiction. It comes across in almost every post.

And then there is the putting down of everything you don't care for. Lesbians are at the top of your list. You have no idea about lesbians at all but in your mind you know it all. I know a dozen women that can and would have kicked your ass on your best days. Fighting has nothing to do with size or weight.

You need to learn a bit about what is real and what is fiction. Cause right now, you're sounding like an idiot.

 

[Kantarii]

For someone who reads so much, you understand very little about fiction. It comes across in almost every post.

And then there is the putting down of everything you don't care for. Lesbians are at the top of your list. You have no idea about lesbians at all but in your mind you know it all. I know a dozen women that can and would have kicked your ass on your best days. Fighting has nothing to do with size or weight.

You need to learn a bit about what is real and what is fiction. Cause right now, you're sounding like an idiot.

I'm glad some one told him that he put me on iggy. It's not like I was going to offer him some tips on putting on makeup.Kant

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I deleted the lesbian detectives from my Kindle.

 

[lovecraft68]

.I see plenty of evidence that some people right here in the forums live in a fictional world, and make up facts to suit themselves. No surprise people want that in their reading material, too.

All kinds of stuff.

 

[jomar]

By what you write you've had experience with a narrow range of lesbians.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

By what you write you've had experience with a narrow range of lesbians.

How would you know?

I find it odd I've never met a happy lesbian, and the 1950s golden age of lesbian lit features few happy lesbian novels. The early novels are congruent with my fund of experience with real lesbians.

So stop being an ass, Jomar.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

How would you know?

I find it odd I've never met a happy lesbian, and the 1950s golden age of lesbian lit features few happy lesbian novels. The early novels are congruent with my fund of experience with real lesbians.

So stop being an ass, Jomar.

I don't know many lesbians, but have met one(friend of a friend) and she seemed happy.
I am still trying to unleash my inner lesbian, but the woman I have a crush on lives in another country and it takes her like 18 hours to get to the US so I don't know if I will ever get to experience her. Or if she would even be open to it. She knows I have a huge crush on her, and we have slept in the same bed, just slept(sigh).

Maybe I should write, or try to write, a steamy hot lesbian sex scene and see what she says about it?

 

[jomar]

How would you know?

I find it odd I've never met a happy lesbian, and the 1950s golden age of lesbian lit features few happy lesbian novels. The early novels are congruent with my fund of experience with real lesbians.

So stop being an ass, Jomar.

I know because I have known a lot of real life lesbians.

So stop being an ass, JBJ.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I know because I have known a lot of real life lesbians.

So stop being an ass, JBJ.

I don't believe you. And your thesis isn't present in the lesbian classics.

 

[sr71plt]

How would you know?

I find it odd I've never met a happy lesbian, and the 1950s golden age of lesbian lit features few happy lesbian novels. The early novels are congruent with my fund of experience with real lesbians.

So stop being an ass, Jomar.

Can anyone who meets you be truly happy to do so?

 

[jomar]

I don't believe you. And your thesis isn't present in the lesbian classics.

Your disbelief doesn't change my experience.

LOL, you're pushing 50's lesbian smut as relevant to our current conversation.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I don't know many lesbians, but have met one(friend of a friend) and she seemed happy.
I am still trying to unleash my inner lesbian, but the woman I have a crush on lives in another country and it takes her like 18 hours to get to the US so I don't know if I will ever get to experience her. Or if she would even be open to it. She knows I have a huge crush on her, and we have slept in the same bed, just slept(sigh).

Maybe I should write, or try to write, a steamy hot lesbian sex scene and see what she says about it?

I've known plenty of lesbians. One lives next door. The state agency I retired from was dominated by lesbians (health department), and cant name one who wasn't about as dysfunctional as people come. I mean stable relationships and stable employment history and rational thinking. And they treat other lesbians awful.

I usta have a gay friend who slept with the hot blonde next door to me, so I'm uncertain where the parameters of homosexual lust are. I was always accused of being homosexual though guys interest me about as much as the sidewalk outside. Maybe cause I get no kicks from shooting Bambi and Thumper. The lesbian literature mirrors my mindset.

I have an obsession for whats real. And so far I've met no lesbians who are comfortable in their skins. To be fair, I devoutly believe every female comes from the factory crazy as a shit house rat, and goes to hell from there.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Your disbelief doesn't change my experience.

LOL, you're pushing 50's lesbian smut as relevant to our current conversation.

No dipshit, I'm offering what lesbians write about themselves as evidence of something.

And your claims change nothing about my fund of knowledge, either.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I have an obsession for whats real. And so far I've met no lesbians who are comfortable in their skins. To be fair, I devoutly believe every female comes from the factory crazy as a shit house rat, and goes to hell from there.

Hehehe I can agree with that pretty much. I am so fucking insane...most of the time.

 

[OliviaM]

And so far I've met no lesbians who are comfortable in their skins. To be fair, I devoutly believe every female comes from the factory crazy as a shit house rat, and goes to hell from there.

Objectively, these statements make no sense. I have zero hope of convincing you of this, however. You have fun being you, darlin'.

 

[jomar]

No dipshit, I'm offering what lesbians write about themselves as evidence of something.

And your claims change nothing about my fund of knowledge, either.

Dipshit...nice...old school.

I suppose a fund of knowledge might be situational or even generational. I'm open to talking...ya dipshit.

Lesbian evidence of what? You should know better if you're a psychologist.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Objectively, these statements make no sense. I have zero hope of convincing you of this, however. You have fun being you, darlin'.

I change my mind all the time. I change my mind when all the facts correlate and are congruent with what I observe. I call my method PHILOSOPHY. And its in my blood.

I'm a psychologist, I know what happy is. Fifty years ago my wise mentor tried to convince me homosexuality is as much fun as heterosexuality. His single qualifier was physical pleasure. I see happiness as multifaceted, and discount the TICKLE ME ELMO theory. There are lotsa qualifiers to consider before I crown people HAPPY. And the qualifiers oughta apply across the board for all if we're all Gods chilluns. I mean, from what I'm told the only difference between homos and straights is the location of the funny bone, right?

I don't think so. But I don't dismiss and discount contrary facts.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Hehehe I can agree with that pretty much. I am so fucking insane...most of the time.

Just the other day I told someone insane can be a plus.

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

Just the other day I told someone insane can be a plus.

I believe this to be true! My insanity has never held me back...that would be my self doubt.

 

[ChloeTzang]

I deleted the lesbian detectives from my Kindle.

What's the book? I gotta read it. After that description of yours, I'm riveted by the sheer awfulness I'm anticipating ... and I really want to read it. Tell me tell me tell me (she pants)

Do telll

 

[lovecraft68]

Something I've always found ironic here is that it seems there's a ton of men writing lesbian stories, and that stands out ina variety of ways because they mostly fall under lipstick lesbian porn tropes.

And over in Gay Male there's a ton of very successful female authors writing it.

Guess that's the ultimate in writing fantasy.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I started a lesbian private detective story I call JOHN HENRY.

A lesbian private eye cheats on her wife a lot. She gets hired by a wife to find the bitch her husband fucks. Unknown to the private eye the mystery woman is her wife. And the wife is pregnant with the man's baby. The wife likes beef and fish.

While the private eye is outta town chasing her tail the wife visits an old lesbian bar that's not lesbian anymore. Its a hangout for black railroad laborers, and there she meets John Henry and his associates.