Lawyer Jokes

[Mischka]

Everyone knows that lawyers are the biggest propagators of lawyer jokes, and Lit is simply crawling with lawyers. So attention, all ye barristers and esquires, post your favorite lawyer jokes here. All non-attorney types are welcome as well, of course. Here's one from my daily calendar:

Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: Before or after he died?


And this one is from an actual brief I was proofing: "Replace 'non-lawyer' with 'person' in pargraphs 4-9."

 

[modest mouse]

Esquire

Do people actually respect lawyers who give themselves this title?

 

[Mischka]

I think it's a toss up. I personally imagine medieval England when I hear the term, but I was trying to include every version of "lawyer" in my post.

OK, another lawyer joke:

A lawyer who had a trial scheduled walked into the courtroom and saw her opponent. "Are those people over there your witnesses?" her opponent asked. When the lawyer said yes, the other replied, "Then you win. I've used those witnesses twice myself."

 

[modest mouse]

Sorry Mischka,

I didnt intend to hijack your thread but I had jury duty in September and I had no idea that some lawyers actually used the Esquire tag. I think it is so amusing. I would never hire a lawyer with Esquire after his name. I wouldnt be able to keep a straight face.

 

[Mischka]

If you really want to roll, try watching barristers in action. The juxtoposition of stern faces and those silly powdery white wigs is hilarious. Even the women wear them. All in the name of tradition (and a tradition started because of rampant lice, no less).

 

[modest mouse]

I think I would lose it. The wigs would set me off. What do they do on their lunch breaks, toddle out with that big white monstrosity? Your point about lice is the kicker, the wigs are not some old status symbol any more than they hide their original function.

England has a unique perspective on history and social class.

 

[Mischka]

Oh, I know my Halloween costume for next year.

http://www.partydomain.co.uk/d-commerce/media/wigbargaincourt.jpg

 

[modest mouse]

Wow...that's the best looking 65 year old woman I have ever seen...wait a minute......

(I bet those wigs are hot too)

 

[kitsuke]

Here is one that got popular before so many many ladies got recognized in the law field:

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from rolling up.



bad me!