Laurel's 'Surprise'

[Never]

Today Laurel said: There's other cool things too, but I don't want to spill ALL the beans - what fun would that be? Surprises are fun!

What type of surprises are 'fun'? So I got to thinking, peering into the twisted brain of a porn mistress is difficult work but I've managed to figure out one of the little 'surprises.' Draw your own conclusions..

On 8 - 5, Laurel said: ...er, tortie-style, opens his mouth and, while doing her, makes the loudest, strangest warbling bird-like sound! It was sooo funny to see him going at her & cooing! Manu and I may try to find a way to digitze the sound so you can hear it - it'll blow your mind!

On 8-15, she said: Also (as I already bored Latina with), we're having a tortoise enclosure built. It's basically a large modified rabbit hutch. Once it's done and landscaped, I'll take pics of my little guys in it & post them here for you all to ooh and aah over.

On 9-7, Laurel said: I'm considering putting a cam in their area and hooking it up to a website so you guys could see how durn cute they are. Of course, torts spend 90% of their time resting, but when they're active, look out!

Isn't it obvious? Soon we're going to have a 24/7 UNCENSORD, UNCUT, LIVE FEED OF NEKKID TORTIE PORN!!!
Yes, now we can see those hard animals 'innocently' walking around in nothing but their shells. Who knows what compromising positions will be exposed for the world to see? We might even see what happens when their mistress comes to 'play' with them.

So say it loud and say it proud: I WANT MY TORTIE PORN!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Laurel]

LMAO!

Uh, no. But that's durn good detective work, Ms. Holmes.

 

[Gingersnap]

Umm I don't know about the porn pics but I would like to see them in their turtle enclosure.

 

[Guest]

Maybe you could get some of those peekaboo cams so we can look up under their shells.

 

[Bobtoad777]

Give Me my Torie Porn!!!

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

There's nothing I like to see more than copulating reptiles.

Never, of course Laurel's gonna deny it. She doesn't want to ruin the surprise.

What she doesn't know is that I have I have military satellite photographs of the literotica compound documenting the construction of an elaborate tortie-porn production apparatus resembling the set of Ben Hur.

The tortoise is out of the bag now, Laurel. 'Fess up! We want our tortie porn!

 

[Lovely Latina]

You want your tortie porn, eh??

You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

Don't you remember that Laurel said that those poor little tortai can't fuck until they're at least ten years old and sexually mature?? Shuh-eesh people! Show some freakin' decency and respect now, would ya?

You're all just a bunch of pedo-tortophiliacs, I say!


(Psssst...hey Laurel...I should still be expecting that uncensored footage in the mail soon, right? Use the brown paper wrapping this time, k? Thanks so much. )

 

[Guest]

Never Mind The Molluscs...

If anyone's interested, I've been to visit the local aquarium and just finished filming some pretty hot PRAWNography.

 

[Latina]

I don't know much about tortoise sex. But here are two true animal sex stories.

I am a member of the local aquarium, and last weekend they were showing some footage taken by a robotic submarine, of life on the ocean floor. During the tape, a male squid swam up behind a female squid, poked her full of sperm from behind, and swam off LITERALLY in less time than it takes to write about it. A woman behind me said "reminds me of my first boyfriend!" and EVERYONE laughed. (Sadly, my first husband was ALSO much like that male squid--I think everyone laughed out of recognition for one of their OWN experiences--how sad).

A more positive story:

They say an elephant never forgets, but I shall never forget a pair of elephants at a nearby zoo about 10 years ago. It was feeding time, and the male elphant, realizing he had more food than he could possibly eat, pushed some straw over to the female elephant: a MALE who knows how to SHARE with his mate! When they finished eating, the male walked up behind the female and began slowly exploring her elephant-slit with his trunk. I got horny watching, but sad that I didn't have anyone like that in MY life at the time (this was LONG before I met and married my own stud-elephant, my second and current husband, 4 years ago)!

After about ten minutes, she let out the strangest cry of contentment I've ever heard an animal make (an elephant orgasm?), and then he stood up on his hind legs, with his front legs resting on her back, and he gave it to her good. She pushed backward into him, obviously enjoying herself again. Gives a whole new meaning to "performing elephants". They may have been trained to entertain an audience, but I think THAT show was their own invention. The Mitchell Brothers of the elephant world!

Maybe we women need to train our sons from a young age, to be an elephant and not a squid! Not in an incestual way, just teach them verbally what to do and how to treat a woman.

C'mere and GIVE it to me, you ANIMAL!

-- Latina