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Laughter is Contagious

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I just found this thread... and, I gotta say, all I wanna do when I see the title is go off with, "...Laughing is contagious and it's advantageous ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ho;(faster each time) Laughing is con tag ious and it's ad van tag eous ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ho... he he he he he he... and so on..." despite that I may be the only one on this site who find it funny.
 
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ga400us said:
Love that pic! Saw it on George Takei's Facebook page!
Click to expand...
ROFL!!! How is George these days??

pfflyerhot said:
I just found this thread... and, I gotta say, all I wanna do when I see the title is go off with, "...Laughing is contagious and it's advantages ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ho;(faster each time) Laughing is con tag ious and it's ad van tag ious ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ho... he he he he he he... and so on..." despite that I may be the only one on this site who find it funny.
Click to expand...
LOL!!!

Domesticity said:
This is great. Made me chuckle
Click to expand...

I know right!!! poor guy lol
 
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly andslightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .. ' So how's your breakfast this morning? ' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly. '

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered .. . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. While she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hairhad been dyed green and above it there was a tattoothat read . . . 'Keep off the grass. '

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. '

Submitted by RN, no name


AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ..

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burstout laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . . I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . ..
'Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name...



1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waitingfor the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and beinga little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breastsfor a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby isunderweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'
 
ga400us said:
George is doing just fine...oh my!
Click to expand...
Nice!! Glad to hear he's fine.
ga400us said:
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly andslightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .. ' So how's your breakfast this morning? ' 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly. '

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered .. . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. While she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hairhad been dyed green and above it there was a tattoothat read . . . 'Keep off the grass. '

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn. '

Submitted by RN, no name


AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ..

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burstout laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . . I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . ..
'Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name...



1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waitingfor the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and beinga little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breastsfor a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby isunderweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'
Click to expand...

On the floor!!! LOVE these!!! :rose:
 
A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to

live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry
over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only had
24 hours to live.

"Of course Darling," she replied.

And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and
says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do
it again?"

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He taps

her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12
more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her
on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but
you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more
time?"

She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You know.......

you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"
 
A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang."
 
ga400us said:
A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.

They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.

With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero! The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day. He had the engineers check the equipment, they verified the report as accurate.

Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.

"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang."
Click to expand...

*drink spew*


Another dream shattered......:(

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa263/crysbooth/endoftherainbow.jpg
 
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it...
 
talikat said:
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.

'We don't waste money on newspapers.

Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it...
Click to expand...

Careful, our age is showing! :D
 
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one
of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.

The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rode on the top level.

The brunette team down below really whooped it
up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road,
clutching the seats in front of them with white
knuckles ...

The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here?

We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed
hard and whispered...

'YEAH SURE, YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER' !!
 
Sven and Ole, Two Minnesota engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walks by asks what they were doing.

"Ve're supposed to find da height of dis flagpole, " said Sven, "but ve don't haff a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

Ole shook his head and laughed. "Ain't dat just like a voman! Ve ask fer da height and she gives us da length!"

Sven and Ole have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Senate.
 
LMFAO!!! You guys are awesome!!

ga400us said:
Careful, our age is showing! :D
Click to expand...

hehe, oops!!! :cool:

***************
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
 
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