Lasher and the Magic 8 Ball...

[Lasher]

Ok, I know that about 10 days ago I had posted that I was going to vote for George Dubbayah just to piss Bushism off. However, lately it appears that Patr... er, Bushism hasn't been around, and it's no fun pissing someone off if they're not here for you to enjoy it.

So being the fickle voter I am in what amounts to a rather fickle voting year, I once again find myself amongst the ranks of the undecided. God, this sucks. It would be nice to have one candidate that you could say, "Hell, he won't fuck too many things up" but unfortunately that just isn't happening. My apathy in this case is only surpassed by my, uh... I dunno, something.

So, while I was sitting at work daydreaming today, I came to the realization that there was only one way to decide this question in a manner befitting the nature of this election season...

The Magic 8 Ball

I thought surely if there was one thing I could count on to steer me in the right direction, it would have to be The Magic 8 Ball.

So here's what I've decided to do. Each day for the next 8 days (see the connection?) leading up to the election, I will ask the Magic 8 Ball the requisite Yes/No question about each of the candidates. I have assigned each of the possible answers the Magic 8 Ball could give me a numerical value from 1 to 20 (20 being best). I will continue to average the answers the Magic 8 Ball gives me over each of the next 8 days (sort of my only little tracking poll), and based on those figures, I will vote for the candidate who has reached the highest average result over the course of the polling.

Absolutely and completely unbiased and scientific... How could the Magic 8 Ball possibly go wrong given 8 days to do it's work? Heck, I can still remember when I was 11 years old and first become convinced of the power of the Magic 8 Ball. One of the first questions I had ever asked it was, "Will I ever have sex with Loni Anderson?" (remember, this was 1979 and "WKRP" was at the pinnacle of its success). The Magic 8 Ball responded with "My Sources say No"... And to this day I STILL have not had sex with Loni Anderson... Coincidence? I think not...

Ok... To insure the accuracy of the data, here's a listing of possible Magic 8 Ball responses and the numerical values they have been assigned (in descending order, btw)...

20. Without a Doubt
19. Yes - Definitely
18. You May Rely On It
17. Yes
16. It is Certain
15. As I see it, Yes
14. Outlook Good
13. It is Decidedly So
12. Most Likely
11. Signs Point to Yes
10. Better not tell you yet
9. Cannot Predict Now
8. Reply Hazy, Try Again
7. Ask Again Later
6. Concentrate and Ask again
5. Outlook not so good
4. Don't Count on it
3. Very Doubtful
2. My sources say No
1. My Reply is No

Anyways, I hope you all realize just how vital this is. Since I plan on being the deciding vote in the state (Pennsylvania) that will probably decide the outcome of the entire election, I felt it was very important that I place that decision in the hands of a greater power, the Magic 8 Ball.

Ok, so I'll be asking the following question of the Magic 8 Ball about each of the 4 candidates, and posting its replies here...

Magic 8 Ball, will Lasher vote for ____________ (fill in candidate name here) in the 2000 Presidential Election?

Today's Results (10/30/2000)

George Dubbayah Bush - Better Not tell you Now (10 pts)
Al "the TinMan" Gore - Reply Hazy, Try Again (8 pts)
Ralph Nader - Cannot Predict Now (9 pts)
Pat Buchanan - Very Doubtful (3 pts)

Well, as you can see, if the Magic 8 Ball is having a tough time deciding at this point. I'll be back about this time tomorrow (6 PM or so EDT) with an update.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Guest]

This is too fucking complicated. Lasher, just use your dick as a divining rod. When you wake up on the morning of the election and step out of bed, if your dick points to the left vote for Nader, to the right, vote for Buchanan, if it points up at you, vote for Gore, or if it points at your wife still lying on the bed, vote for Bush.

 

[BrainyBeauty]

Hot Damn!

I KNEW you had magic balls!

Damn you're good. Good and funny. Good and plenty.

Oh- and it galls me that I, too, am still undecided. I don't have anything more scientific than a 30 yr old Ouija board. I may have to resort to that myself. If they can have voodoo economics, I can have a supernatural selection process.

 

[SeXy ReDHeD]

If we're basing our votes on inconsequential factors (like CB's undying love), I say we all vote for Bush... I mean "bush" is a much cooler word than "gore." Seeing a person's "bush" makes me horny... seeing any kind of "gore" makes me puke... there's no comparison!

 

[Cheyenne]

For Lasher

THE ?INCLUSIVE' CREW GETS VICIOUS
NEW YORK POST
Monday,October 30,2000
http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/opedcolumnists/14900.htm


IT'S truly wondrous how quickly Democrats'
"high-mindedness" can degenerate into desperate viciousness
when confronted with a loss of power.

It's hard to imagine anything more loathsome than the
NAACP's campaign ad re-enacting the dragging death of
James Byrd Jr. Complete with a voice-over narration by his
daughter, this 30-second abomination is being used ostensibly to "energize" the black vote. It is also the cheapest of cheap shots against those who don't support hate-crimes legislation. Two death sentences and life imprisonment for the three perpetrators of this heinous crime (not even mentioned in the spot) are not enough to satisfy the anti-Bush crowd.

The same party who cries bloody murder when
Right-to-Lifers walk around with posters depicting aborted
fetuses are apparently comfortable with "murder" advertising. The implication here is that the election of George W. Bush to the presidency will mean it's open hunting season for racist rednecks. Blacks had better get out and vote for Al Gore or they may find themselves tied to the back of a truck.

This is the "party of the people"? This is their version of
"inclusiveness"? Once again, when things are looking bleak,
they are back to playing the race card, back to divide and
conquer, back to us against them.

Are you tired of it yet, America? Are you tired of being divided into racial, religious or sexual sub-groups for the purposes of manipulation? Are you tired of the name-calling that follows unsustainable arguments? Are you tired of the hypocrisy?

I hope everyone in America sees this ad. It speaks for itself. It is a worldview that most Americans, black and white, will find repugnant. And it just might backfire. Personally speaking, if I were the kind of person who didn't vote, this ad would get me out of my house and into a voting booth in a nanosecond.

So I could throw out the "enlightened" bums who support this
kind of crap.

 

[Renee]

Okay Lasher, since I am undecided too, I am going to use your point system with my Magic 8 Ball. I am heading up to the attic after posting here to get it.

You know I agree that the answers it gives are pretty damn accurate. I asked it way back when... if I would marry John Travolta... the answer was... Don't Count on it ... as we all know, I never did. So, I guess that shows you all how reliable it is.

 

[Weird Harold]

If you're looking for total irrelevancy...

The Washington Redskins lost tonight. For the last 60 years (fifteen elcetions), if the Redskins lose the week before the election, the incumbent party is out.

Oddly enough, Gore was cheering for the Redskins even though he was aware of the trend. That's either very confident, or very stupid.

 

[Laurel]

There are 20 possible Magic-8-Ball responses? Wow, learn something new every day.

I'm so sick of the election I could seriously hurl. I know who I'm voting for and why. What's annoying to me is the people who are voting for people that they don't know anything about.

For example, have any of you Nader supporters checked out the Green Party platform? Everyone I talk to about it thinks they're about the environment, but that's not the case. It's greenparty.org, I think. Go read it, and then tell me Marx wouldn't be proud. They should call themselves the Red Party. How can people vote for a party without knowing their platform? It boggles my mind.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

From the men down under

Strange as it may seem Laurel, esp from an Australian I would quite happily vote Ralph Nader even though he doesn't have a snowball's cahnce in hell. Why? Because he is the only onle I can seem to believe for more than 5 seconds at one time without completely questioning his sanity.

Anyone who has actually followed the election... what is the biggest pork barrelling that has been mentioned? and by who?

 

[Cyan BloodsBane]

Question

Can a Canadian vote in the US.... uhm... that would really miss things up.. hehehheheheeeehe...(lost in thought).

I say do the old get drunk and go into the voting box and which ever way you fall is who gets the vote. Or who ever supplies the most beer.

 

[Lasher]

Day 2... or... You really didn't think I was gonna keep doing this, did ya??

Just some brief comments here till we get down to business.

UGH! I did check out that Green Party website just a couple weeks ago. Some other choice goodies... 50% reduction in defense spending within 10 years... A federal entitlement program to PAY people to attend colleges and technical schools, and free tuition for colleges and technicals schools - however, the only mention on how to pay for that was in the money saved in defense spending. It really is a bizarre read, but of course they don't expect anyone to actually read it.

Ummm... WH, the Redskins play this upcoming Sunday, too (at Arizona, 4:05 EDT kick off). Is that the game we should be watching? It's still the weekend before the election....

One last thing before we get to the good stuff. Please, please, please, PLEASE don't post any partisan pleas for my vote on this thread. All they do is make me wanna vote for someone else. I think it's of vital importance to let the Magic 8 Ball take its course. (BTW, did ya find yours, Renee?)

Ok, one last, last thing... Did ya know that the 20 sided thingy in the Magic 8 Ball is called a dodecahedron? Amazing what you can learn on a porn site, huh?

Ok, today's results....


George Dubbayah Bush... Very Doubtful (3 pts, total 13)
Al "The Tinman" Gore... Cannot Predict Now (9 pts, total 17)
Ralph "Give it away now.." Nader... Very Doubtful (3 pts, total 12)
Pat "Seig Heil!!" Buchanan... My Reply is No (1 pt, total 4)

Damn, the Magic 8 Ball just doesn't have much use for Pat Buchanan, does it??

Ok, I'll be back tomorrow at damn near the same time, lol.

[Edited by Lasher on 10-31-2000 at 03:07 PM]

 

[Weird Harold]

Ummm... WH, the Redskins play this upcoming Sunday, too (at Arizona, 4:05 EDT kick off). Is that the game we should be watching? It's still the weekend before the election....

Sorry, I left out HOME game before the election.

ESPN made a big deal of the trend, sort of like it had some bearing on how well they played or something.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Lasher]

Ok, now that makes sense. Thanks for clearing it up, WH.

 

[Renee]

Yep I sure did Lasher. I went up there last night, dug through the old toy box... and there it was. Just waiting for this important job.

I asked the questions last night and today, just like you did. I'm not sure if you want my results.. so, I will post them this time. However, if you don't want them posted for fear that it will somehow screw around with your system.. then I won't post them anymore, just tell me.

For now, here they are:

Results of 10/30/00

George Dubbayah Bush - Cannot Predict Now (9 pts)
Al Gore - Ask Again Later (7 pts)
Ralph Nader - Outlook not so good (5 pts)
Pat Buchanan - Don't Count on it (4 pts)

Results of 10/31/00

George Dubbayah Bush - My sources say No (2 pts total 11)
Al Gore - Most Likely (12 pts total 19)
Ralph Nader - Concentrate and Ask again (6 pts total 11)
Pat Buchanan - Don't Count on it (4 pts total 8)





[Edited by Renee on 10-31-2000 at 08:39 PM]

 

[Lasher]

I'm definitely seeing a trend here, LOL.

I'm thinking that you posting your results, Renee, can only reinforce the true power of the Magic 8 Ball. Feel free to continue.

 

[Cheri]

So what's gonna happen if the Magic 8 Ball pisses off the Alien? Seems to me you're just asking for the laser!

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Cheri brings up a damn good point here. Do we really want to put these two monumental forces on a collision course for an inevitable showdown with the fate of earth hanging in the balance? Between the alien's laser and the 8-ball's black magic, our pitiful civilization doesn't stand a chance in such a crossfire. Pitting them against each other is pure folly, I think.

Of course, you couldn't have known that the 8-ball would choose Gore and I guess, the 8-ball hasn't rendered it's final decision yet, so there's still time to avert ultimate destruction. Let's just pray the 8-ball is fucking with us early and eventually puts his money on Dubbuyah.

May God have mercy on our souls.

 

[Laurel]

You know, I've talked to quite a few people who say they're voting for Bush. When I ask why, they say, "Because Gore is a liar blah Clinton Monica blah Internet blah blah Buddhist fundraising blah..." But they never say, "Because I agree with Bush's policies and approve of his Texas record."

Polls show that while people agree with Gore's policies on issues like the environment, school vouchers (the voucher prop in my state won't pass by a long shot, according to polls), and abortion, the majority of people feel that Dubbyah is more "likeable".

So my question is this...has our society been so sucked into television to the point where we judge our leaders by how "friendly" they are and not by their policies and their records? Bush supporters - what exactly is it about Bush that gives you confidence in him? What stances of his do you find appealing? Are you voting FOR him, or you voting AGAINST Gore? And please, don't answer the question with "Clinton-Gore-Evil-Monica-Character-blabbbity blah" because I've heard it all before and frankly I don't care. Anyone who thinks any candidate in this election is pristine is fooling themselves. I want to know what it is about YOUR GUY that you find vote-worthy.

p.s. Cheffie - here's a link for you on your old buddy Nader.
http://www.realchange.org/nader.htm

 

[Weird Harold]

I want to know what it is about YOUR GUY that you find vote-worthy.

My 'guy' is "None of the above candidates" (an actual choice on Nevada ballots. There's no chance in hell of him winning, but he's far and away the best of eight choices on the Nevada ballot. No scandals, no policies I don't like, and absolutely honest.

"Any person who wants the job of President should be automatically disqualified." -- Robert A. Heinlein

 

[Flagg]

UGH! I did check out that Green Party website just a couple weeks ago. Some other choice goodies... 50% reduction in defense spending within 10 years... A federal entitlement program to PAY people to attend colleges and technical schools, and free tuition for colleges and technicals schools - however, the only mention on how to pay for that was in the money saved in defense spending. It really is a bizarre read, but of course they don't expect anyone to actually read it.

And that's a bad idea for what reason exactly?

I'll put my self on a pedestal here and say that I really can't stand people who do not know what party to vote for. Is it a lack of political knowledge, intelligence or decision making skils? I think not. "Undeciders" are simply people with no ideological values or ideas. The worst part is that the "undeciders" are the ones that dictate the result of an election. For that reason, in my humble opinion, they should not be given the right to vote.

You don't need a fucking Magic 8 Ball to tell you you have a choice between a extreme right wing traditionalist and a slightly less extreme liberal right winger. (Lord you americans are so lucky!)

Anybody who visits this site on a regular basis and appreciates what it has to offer should have no problem in understanding that Gore is the only way to go - even if he does have the personality of a piece of lead.

 

[Cheyenne]

You know, I've talked to quite a few people who say they're voting for Bush.

Good! Glad to hear it!

Are you voting FOR him, or you voting AGAINST Gore?

Both. Taxes are important to me. I'm a CPA and I earn good money in my career (not a practicing CPA any longer though). I don't mind paying my share of taxes, even paying more than my share so people less well off can pay less. But I'd like to keep some of my money, please. See
http://www.taxclarity.com to see how you are affected. On the other hand, Gore's tax plan is complicated enough that it will keep CPA's busier than ever during tax season trying to help people figure out if they fit any of his loop holes or not. Might be a good thing for some friends of mine.

Also, the choice is between someone who believes government and more government, and then maybe a little more government, can fix all the ills of not only of our country but the whole world (and maybe the universe), and someone who believes as I do that government has gotten its nose into too many places already.

Add another one- I like the Bush plan for social security better. Any CPA will tell you that there is no such thing as a "lock box" for social security. That's just silly- a banking industry concept gone awry. Gore's lock box description is playing to the minds of people who don't understand finances, trying to scare them into thinking it makes sense. It doesn't. What does make sense is giving people more control over their own retirement destiny. That would be Bush.

And finally, what is wrong for a vote against someone? If someone wants to vote against Gore simply because they don't like his character or the character he's been associated with for the last 8 years, more power to them. At least they've made a decision based on something that is important to them.

[Edited by Cheyenne on 11-01-2000 at 07:27 PM]

 

[Renee]

Results of 11/1/00

Bush - my sources say no (2 pts. total 13)

Gore - it is certain (16 pts. total 35)

Nader - my sources say no (2 pts. total 13)

Buchanan - outlook not so good (5 pts. total 13)

 

[Cheri]

THANK GOD

I thought this was going to turn into another boring election thread. Good god people, if I was news I'll head over to CNN or any other mind numbing news place. This is Lit, other than worrying about somebody taking away our porn, who gives a flip? There are more important things to discuss! Such as sex, aliens, sex, Magic 8 Balls, sex and naked people. And since Tipper is not going to take my suggestion of the Hustler spread with Luther Cambell, the election doesn't apply!