Lancecastor Inc. Acquires Ass ets of KillerMuffin Ent.

[Lancecastor]

Cyberspace
9/25/02
Via Lit Net

Lancecastor Inc. Acquires Ass ets of KillerMuffin Ent.

Lance Castor, Chief Extended Orgasm of Lancastor Worldwide Entertainment Inc., LLLP, BV (NASDIK: CUM), announced today that it has acquired the ass ets of KillerMuffin Enterprises (OTC: MUF) in a hostile takeover involving the exchange of CUM liquidity for MUF sinking bond ages.

The takeover, announced at the close of meat markets yesterday, is inclusive of all KillerMuffin ass ets, including the firm's vast gluteal deposits and industry leading line of "Hot Tongue, Cold Shoulder" quips and off-the-cuff insults.

Intellectual property in MUF, also included in the transaction, will be used to wipe up excess CUM stock due to MUF's overvalued and overextended reach in the Lit marketplace.

"We'll be deep mining MUF's core ass ets of gluteal spread sheets and sphincter reserves immediately.", said CUM CEO Lance Castor, "And using the impressive storage capacity in MUF for CUM liquid reserves, which are quite impressive due to their viscous pumping strength and market share."

"The writedown on MUF intellectual properties, which have been overexposed to core markets, will enable the phase in of higher value mission-critical LanceCastor products and services on a go forward basis.", said Mr. Castor.

MUF had fantasized and made its intentions known that it was seeking a rear guard hostile acquistion by LanceCastor Inc for some weeks, according to widely distributed reports and published articles by MUF.

LanceCastor Entertainment Worldwide Inc. is a diversified market entry enterprise interested in the acquisition of gluteal operations throughout the G8.

For more information contact:

Lance Castor;
CEO
Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment Inc.

 

[lovetoread]

How long did it take you to think of this?

 

[April]

You...are not funny. Not in the least.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Famous Dom and CEO Found Whipped and Begging
by Ima Reporter

INN (Literotica) - Shortly after acquiring shares in KillerMuffin Enterprises, CEO and founder Lance Castor of Lancastor Worldwide Entertainment, Inc. was discovered tied and gagged in his corporate limousine by his chauffer. At first, fearing that the international playboy had been assaulted, the chauffer, Ms. Sammie Subwell, contacted authorities.

Police immediately freed Mr. Castor and attempted to get a description of his assailant. Mr. Castor refused to cooperate with police and was taken into custody. A specialist in hostage psychology was called in to treat Mr. Castor for Stockholm Syndrome, but the psychologist, Dr. Risia Skye, pronounced something that rocked the Market and sent shares of Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment, Inc., plummeting 43 points to an all time low of thirty-eight cents a share.

It turns out that Mr. Castor had not been the victim of foul play, but had been a willing participant as the submissive in an S&M sexual play. Ms. Subwell was led from the scene in tears. She claimed that she had no knowledge of his submissive tendencies. Dr. Skye stated that in the practice of BDSM it is possible for a person to be a switch, or someone who can take the role of both the dominant and the submissive. She stated that she'd never seen anything like this before.

Mr. Castor couldn't be reached for comment. Authorities transferred him to Mass General after he started resisting their attempts to calm him. He reportedly kept screaming for Mistress Muffin and required sedation. He is listed in good condition at Mass General.

An emergency meeting of the board and major stockholders in Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment has been called in order to deal with this development.

 

[islandman]

LMAO.

KM - you rock so fucking hard!

 

[Lancecastor]

MUF Gagged

Cyberspace
9/25/02
Via Lit Net

MUF Gagged in Last Minute Minority Shareholder Scuffle

Lance Castor, CEO of Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment, LLP,BV, was reported to be in good spirits in his hot-tub with several "close personal friends" after closing the MUF deal earlier today.

Earlier reports on the secondary INN Network, a subsidiary of the NationalEnquirer, were firmly rejected by Crimson Glutes, Lancecastor Director of Pubic Relations, as being "completely false and without merit".

"Mr. Castor has no comment on KillerMuffin's personal assimosity and trite fantasies about Mr. Castor." said Mr. Glutes. "He will not be making any further statements regarding his acquistion of MUF's ass ets, particularly to Ms. Muffin, who is clearly a disgruntled former owner with no interest in these matters. Ms. Muffin has been gagged and is presently on display for the use of Mr. Castor's Guests in the Dom Lounge at the BDSM Forum."

LanceCastor Entertainment Worldwide Inc. is a diversified market rear entry and spanking enterprise interested in the acquisition of cute brunette gluteal and nippular opportunies throughout the GB.

For more information contact:

Crimson Glutes;
Director of Pubic Relations
Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment Inc.

 

[Lancecastor]

How long did it take you to think of this?

Oh, hi LTR....cocktail? The usual?

Oh, that....I banged it out in a few minutes after closing the deal on KM's MUF....no big deal. The thing about hostile takeovers of ass ets as large as MUF's is that they invariably squeal for a while as the meat of the matter drives its' point home to the stock holders, so I have my PR guy, Crimson Glutes, on mopping up her disgruntled minority stakeholders. He's low level, which is perfect for dealing with this.

Good to see you....can I help you slip out of those moist things?

Lance

 

[Rubyfruit]

How long did it take you to think of this?

I was going to guess five minutes.

I for one will be closely following the developments in this merger.

 

[Laurel]

I see the makings of a merger. Or a novel. Or a felony. Only time will tell.

 

[Lancecastor]

I was going to guess five minutes.

I for one will be closely following the developments in this merger.

Would you like to watch?

 

[Lancecastor]

I see the makings of a merger. Or a novel. Or a felony. Only time will tell.

(I think she has a crush on me....sometimes grrls that really, really like me pretend they don't at first....you know, like Diane & Sam on Cheers. Bogie & Bacall. Sonny & Cher, even.)

 

[Rubyfruit]

Would you like to watch?

Yes, please.

May I get you a cocktail?

 

[Lancecastor]

Yes, please.

May I get you a cocktail?

Yes, please...I'll have what you're having, thanks.

Doesn't she have marvellous suction?

 

[RisiaSkye]

I see the makings of a merger. Or a novel. Or a felony. Only time will tell.

Amen, sister.

Funny as hell, though.

And I even got called in to consult. Imagine that!

 

[KillerMuffin]

LWE CEO to be Indicted

INN (Literotica) - The latest corporate scandal to rock the Market followed shortly after the Department of Justice announced that it was investigating Lance Castor, CEO of Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment, Inc., for various charges including falsification of accounting records, perjury, and indecent exposure.

Officials at the DOJ intend to file charges against Castor first thing in the morning. Sources claim that there is conclusive evidence that Castor's recent buyout of KillerMuffin Enterprises was illegal on several levels. Allegations of wrongdoing at the CEO level have surrounded Castor in recent weeks. Rumors of market domination and a corporate monopoly have plagued Lance Castor.

Crimson Glutes, Public Affairs Officer of LWE, issued a statement placing full blame on KillerMuffin of KillerMuffin Enterprises. According to Glutes, Muffin was instrumental in turning Castor into, "a pussywhipped boytoy." When asked about the allegations of misconduct and lying, Glutes added, "Everyone tells white lies. They aren't bad things. Mr. Castor is a great CEO and a great man. Ms. Muffin deserves whatever he does to her. Even if he has to make it up to get her."

Castor couldn't be reached for comment. He is listed as being in good condition in the psychiatric facility in Mass General. Castor's doctor stated that Castor would be released within the next week, as soon as the welts from what appeared to be a consensual caning on his backside went down. Sources say that Castor is still begging for Mistress Muffin, who they believe to be KillerMuffin of KillerMuffin Enterprises.

Muffin couldn't be reached for comment, however a press release from KillerMuffin Enterprises states that Muffin has no official relationship with Lance Castor and that the alleged caning was done at Castor's insistance.

LWE stock closed at 3 cents.

 

[Rubyfruit]

That is the last time I turn off CNBC for Dragon Tails.

The last time.

*calling my analyst*

 

[Soblue]

Oh ma god this is funny! Bravo you two

 

[KillerMuffin]

This is what happens when an insensitive, ignorant, and idiotic dominant tries to dominate someone who isn't submissive. Mr. Castor is apparently a John Norman True Believer.

 

[MissTaken]

Hell ya!

Now, this a flame war worth reading!




Rock on!

 

[Siren]

 

[Lancecastor]

Lance Castor Awarded Record Damages In Muffin Slander Suit

yberspace
9/25/02
Via Lit Net

Lance Castor Receives Largest Award In Legal History

The KillerMuffin Slander Trial concluded in Literotica Supreme Court today, awarding LanceCastor Worldwide Entertainment Inc. (NASDIK: CUM) the largest and most comprehensive damage settlement in erotic history.

In a unanimous decision, the appelate court found KillerMuffin Ent. (OTC:MUF) and its' libidinously foulmouthed harpy CEO, Muffy, completely responsible for "Failing to adequately suck the penis of Lance Castor upon demand." as provided for in the original SUC ruling after the hostile takeover of MUF's ass ets.

A Cease & Desist gag order was placed firmly between Muffy's juicy lips in the packed courtroom, where hundreds of drooling wankers awaited the post verdit facials.

Using Destraints and Qua Timet ropes, Lance hog-tied the squiriming pseudo-domme before the witness "box" as the jury meted out punishment.

"This is indeed a victory for righteousness in the gender wars." said Mr. Castor, "and a condemnation of those who would top from the bottom."

Inviting the gleefully giddy GB audience to Casa del Castor for cocktails, the ebullient Mr. Castor, noted for his extravagent soirees, called out "Cock tails and nine tails for the ladies!" , whereupon they were off.

In other CUM Corp news:

Chilled Vodka has been appointed Chief Vaginal Compliance Orificer in Mr. Castor's provisional Cabinet, with Yayati serving as Minister of Women's Rights. Risia Skye is appointed the new Propoganda Mistress, with Ebony Fire moving to Mistress of Dominatrices.

Lance has scooped up Ruby, lovetoread, PacificBlue and of course, Muffy, for personal training.

LanceCastor Entertainment Worldwide Inc. is a diversified market rear entry and spanking enterprise interested in the acquisition of cute brunette gluteal and nippular opportunies throughout the GB.

For more information contact:

Crimson Glutes;
Director of Pubic Relations

 

[Lancecastor]

This is what happens when an insensitive, ignorant, and idiotic dominant tries to dominate someone who isn't submissive. Mr. Castor is apparently a John Norman True Believer.

Hold it there.....I'm NOT insensitive.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Hold it there.....I'm NOT insensitive.

And four months in, I finally got a real laugh outta reading Lance's posts. Classic Dixon Carter Lee moment, don't you think?

 

[Lancecastor]

And four months in, I finally got a real laugh outta reading Lance's posts.

Do not adjust your set. The interference originates in your butt. Remove pickle and enjoy. Thank you.

 

[Cheyenne]

LWE CEO to be Indicted

INN (Literotica) - The latest corporate scandal to rock the Market followed shortly after the Department of Justice announced that it was investigating Lance Castor, CEO of Lancecastor Worldwide Entertainment, Inc., for various charges including falsification of accounting records, perjury, and indecent exposure.

FALSIFICATION OF ACCOUNTING RECORDS???



String him up and hang him by his balls!


Oh, wait. He'd probably enjoy that...