Lady with a Baby!

[MADDOG]

I met a woman the other night who I had an instant connection with. We talked like we'd known each other for years and she was pretty damn sexy. She's 25 (5 years older than me), but that's OK (Pretty cool actually!) The "problem" is it turns out she has a 6 year old son. That doesn't scare me in itself as I love kids, but I feel as though I'd have to support the child as well, and being 19 and on a limited income, I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to get involved. (If not sure if I want to yet, I'm still sizing it all up)

She was a friend of my mates sister, and it turns out that I impressed her quite a lot. I don't have feelings for her, but I'm interested in hearing from a single mothers point of view (or someone who's done it) about what it means to date a lady with a baby.

Cheers,
MADDOG

[This message has been edited by MADDOG (edited 03-27-2000).]

 

[Slut_boy]

Maddog, I am obviously not a single mother, but I couldn't help wondering exactly how far in front of the horse you have actually put the cart. You haven't even started dating yet - how can you already be concerned about financial issues to do with supporting the child. One step at a time. Why not spend some time with her, and who knows you may fall in love or you may not.

I don't know the answer, but there is one thing that I do know: if you do fall in love, then your love will be powerful enough to deal with any other factor - history has proven that to us. My advice is to relax, open yourself up and enjoy every minute of these beautiful feelings that you two have for each other.

[This message has been edited by slut_boy (edited 03-27-2000).]

 

[Sammyjo]

I agree with slut_boy. You really do have to take the time to get to know her first before you delve too deep.

I am a single mother, and I don't think dating me is any different than dating someone else. Well, I might have to beg my parents to watch her instead of just hopping out the door, but that's about it.

I think a lot of guys go through the same thing you just described, and THAT is why we can't get dates. They worry so much about the kid getting in the way, or causing financial hardship that they don't take the time to actually get to know the WOMAN that interested them in the first place.

Take it slow, and if things happen...good for you! If they don't...there's plenty of fish in the sea.

sammy

 

[Rowan]

Being a single mother also, I agree with you, Sammyjo.

Every man that I meet and am interested in, I don't immediately assume he's going to be a father-figure for my child. It seems men (not trying to straight-jacket the whole male race, mind you) think that single mothers are always on the look-out for a "daddy". It's as if casual dating doesn't exist for us.

I do not introduce my son to every man or let him get involved with my casual dates. I, of course, let the guy know that I am a mother, but having a succession of men parade through my son's life is not what I want.

I have had many experiences, as I'm sure most single mothers have, where once it is known I have a child, the man acts as if I have the plague. It used to bother me that they didn't take the time to know ME, but I've adopted the attitude, "Too bad. That person just missed out on a chance to know a happenin' babe."

Also,I was wondering if other single mothers have any ideas on how to tell a guy that you've met about your child. Should it be the *first* thing out of your mouth, after "Hi"? Is there a right way to not send them running? Perhaps something like, "I have a 4 yr old son. *grab onto their arm* But, wait! I'm not asking you to support us or take him to a ballgame. Just get to know me..."

Any thoughts, from both men and women, would be appreciated.

 

[ShyGuy68]

I my opinion it doesn't matter if a woman I meet have kids or not.

If I'm really interested in her, then I'll take her as she it, kid or no kids. Because I can't see something like kids should stop me from being happy with a woman I love.

And then again, Being in the early 30's, there are a few single women around my age that have kids, and why turn them down just because of that. They can still be great company!


ShyGuy

 

[John1965]

Maddog,

I have been in that situation. Like most have said, don't focus on the child. Get to know her. That is one, but a very large facet of her life. If you want to persue it further, take small steps in getting to know the kiddo. BUT don't jack around! The second it doesn't feel right, back off. You will only end up hurting two people if you don't. The only thing worse than hurting a woman is hurting a child.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Maddog first thing is don't call that 6 year old a baby where he can hear you. Second the real Babe probably isn't interested in your portfolio.

Well back in my teen years I considered it a plus if the girl had a baby. It meant that she had gone all the way with someone else and might for me, also she was a lot more grateful for the chance to get out of the house.

In later years I ran into the problem that dating a lady with kids, I might get attached to the kids but have to give up seeing them if the lady and I broke up. Man if you think dealing with your girlfriends parents is hard try sitting in the livingroom with their preteen kid/s.
Are you in love with my momma? Are you going to move in with us? Why did you sleep here last night? We don't have any place for you to sleep cause that is momma's bed. If momma goes to stay with you can we come to? My Grandpa ran the last guy who slept here off with his shotgun.

For all the single Moms out there. If the guy turns and runs because you have kids, you didn't miss anything you would have wanted to keep. Dating with single parents usually means that things just move a little slower and with a little more caution.
Parents without Partners is a great org. for all the single parents out there and I don't think it matters if the kids live with you or not.

How to tell a guy you have a young'un? Mostly try not to make it a big deal at first but it shouldn't be a secret either. Kids shouldn't be the main topic or set the time span for the first couple of dates. That time should be when you get to know one another then if it is worth continuing, present the group package.