Ladies who have experienced menopause. HELP!

[Justadude64]

I need advice. I am a 55 year old man married to a wonderful 51 year old woman. Been married/together for going on 10 years. Our sex life HAD been amazing. What every man dreams of. Last year she began to have hot flashes. Doctor confirmed that it was menopause.

What was once a woman that would drop to her knee on demand, or drag me to the bedroom, is now a woman who shows no interest in sex. Went from minimum of 7 times per week to, if I am lucky, 3 times a month. And even that takes a lot of work.
I am looking to the fine females of the lit community for advice. What the hell is going on? What can I expect and for how long? Thank you in advance. Email is below if you would like. To reach me there

 

[Chicago440]

Experiencing the same thing

While my wife of 36 years was always tough to get in the sack, it's nearly impossible now. I've been with her all the way through the hot flashes, panics, anxiety, insomnia, etc. Unfortunately for us, it's been almost 4 years now. Frankly, I'm beginning to lose hope.

I am hopeful some women will post from their first-hand experience. From what I've observed, going through menopause is truly and terribly difficult. What's it like coming out of it?

Thanks

 

[Justadude64]

That's what I'm hoping

I am not trying to downplay anything a woman goes through while battling this stage of life that happens. I know, from watching what my wife is going through. I couldn't do it. I think this is yet another major part of women that men do not understand, because we are unable to go through this. We just get to go through the mid life crisis and we get a sports car out of it. It doesn't seem fair. But I am hoping to hear from women that have gone through the trenches of this to get a better understanding of what happens and what to expect

 

[bgr]

run

It doesn't get better. My 20 yo marriage ended in divorce. I can say she has screwed me more since we divorced than the 2 previous years.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

It does not have to be that way.
Her patterns and moods will change
It can take longer for her to get up for it.
What turns her on my change.
But if you approach it from the direction of "how are your interests changing" rather than "why won't you drop to your knees on command," then you can work this through together.

Oh, and lube.

 

[HarleyFarmer]

It does not have to be that way.
Her patterns and moods will change
It can take longer for her to get up for it.
What turns her on my change.
But if you approach it from the direction of "how are your interests changing" rather than "why won't you drop to your knees on command," then you can work this through together.

Oh, and lube.

Since no women have responded, I’ll chime in. I’ll echo Mike’s advice. My wife had a hysterectomy years ago and that changed things. Some for the better actually believe it or not. She would have her period for up to 10-12 weeks at a time prior but now we have it whenever we want. My wife is now just going through the hot flashes of menopause and you’re probably wondering how that can be. She still has her ovaries so she didn’t have to have hormone replacement. Now as Mike said, lube is very important and the hard part is going to be dealing with the flashes and mood swings. We just make fun of the flashes and deal with them and open a window or two occasionally. I’m no doctor but she may have a hormone imbalance that can be dealt with but the best advise I can give you is patience!! I know! Easier said than done.

 

[blulilacgrl]

I have not gone through it yet but from talking to women who have, trust me it's a rollercoaster. The lack of interest in sex is caused by a lot of things. Drops/changes in hormone levels which effects not only interest but also the ability to have sex comfortably. They can also have a huge influence in moods and just general nonsexual things. All of which can torpedo a woman's libido.

All I can recommend is to be supportive and understanding. Maybe do some research on it for yourself so you are better informed. And if it gets to really be an issue, then talk to her in a nonaccusatory way. It's one thing to talk about missing the physical intimacy of a partner; it's another thing to be petulant and whiny. (Not saying you are just making the point of often how we choose to approach an issue makes all the difference).

If she is really having issues, encourage her to see her gynecologist for maybe hormone replacement therapies that might help.

Good luck!

 

[pumperguy191]

Sounds like my story. Wife finally got prescribed premarin and life is much better.

 

[Tnt69]

3 words, Hormone Replacement Therapy, and yes it does help immensely. Ms. T is 62, and has the libido of any 30-35 year old! It Does get better with a bit of work, care and consideration from both sides!

 

[Tnt69]

It does not have to be that way.
Her patterns and moods will change
It can take longer for her to get up for it.
What turns her on my change.
But if you approach it from the direction of "how are your interests changing" rather than "why won't you drop to your knees on command," then you can work this through together.

Oh, and lube.

Ohh MrMikelobe1952, you are so wise!
Menopause. (Men-o-pause...just think of the name that way) is so much more than a simple stopping of the menses. It can be a frightening, frustrating, emotionally draining, confusing, and often physically painful part of a woman's life. The thing so many men (and women) fail to realize is that the cessation of the monthly flow is but an outward sign of all the changes that are going on in a woman's body at this time. The drop in and cessation of estrogen production has huge effects, and these effects can last for years, until she either adapts to the changes, or they are mitigated by Hormone Replacement Therapy.
The hot flashes, the drying out of formerly moist, lush tissues, the pain that can now accompany previously enjoyable intercourse, the literal transformation of your previously slim, trim body onto that of a menopausal thick middled less than sexy woman can all combine to make a woman going thru 'The Change" feel like sex is the last thing on their mind. Forcing the issue, whining about your "needs" while being blind to the huge changes and emotional shifts that are going on with her, (totally beyond her control, mind you,) is the exactly wrong approach.
In my experience, every woman I know remembers what her pre-menopausal sex life was like, and is not chosing the often painful (both physical and emotional) path that menopause often drags a woman down.
This isn't to say that every woman has a terrible menopausal experience. Many don't. But if your woman does, and you love her and cherish your relationship, my suggestion is to alter your approach, and look at this time not as a loss of your sex life, but to look at it as an opportunity for a new approach.
Like MrMike said, look at it from the approach of how can we find something mutually satisfying, and take it day by day, rather than trying to recreate that which may be gone, and may never return in the form in which it was. But can still be wonderful, and warm (hot even! ) and just as satisfying as before for both parties.

 

[Justadude64]

Thank you for the input

Thank you to everyone that has chimed in on this. Valuable information. Thank you

 

[MKvDeepSea]

There are also non-animal sourced/ animal friendly, plant based hormone replacement therapies that are efficient. Talk to the doctor, pharmacist (compounding pharmacist) and find out which might be the best for her. My wife uses a compounded plant based hormone therapy which has worked well.

 

[missscarlett49]

It’s not always that way...

As a 53 yo woman who just experienced this change, I must admit it wasn’t easy. I was going thru so much all at once that I felt totally out of control. For me, however, that played out differently. I’ve always had a high libido, much higher than my husband’s and my need for him during this upheaval went the other way. I craved it more often just to have something that I felt I was controlling in my life. Unfortunately for me, DH (dear husband) wasn’t always able to rise to the occasion and he chose to tease me about my horniness instead of finding ways to satisfy me.
I realize this is not at all what you’re experiencing but I hope it turns around so that she is more insatiable than ever. I do recommend a lot of patience and communication and definitely plenty of lube...

 

[Justadude64]

Thank you Miss Scarlett

I have heard it could go one way or another. Your husband is lucky it swung the other way that I am experiencing.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Not wise - I just try to see things from her perpective

But, hey, I'll take the flattery.

You make one other important point (I think this post comes from "her").

You make the comment about your body: "the literal transformation of your previously slim, trim body onto that of a menopausal thick middled less than sexy woman...."
Since we are writing to the man, I will say how important it is for him to let her know that he still finds her body hot, that she still turns him on, that he still wants to run his hands over her soft, sensual body parts and worship at the center of her womanhood, which may be dryer but is still there. I know that your husband succeeded in letting you know that he still sees a sexy woman when he sees you.

Ohh MrMikelobe1952, you are so wise!
Menopause. (Men-o-pause...just think of the name that way) is so much more than a simple stopping of the menses. It can be a frightening, frustrating, emotionally draining, confusing, and often physically painful part of a woman's life. The thing so many men (and women) fail to realize is that the cessation of the monthly flow is but an outward sign of all the changes that are going on in a woman's body at this time. The drop in and cessation of estrogen production has huge effects, and these effects can last for years, until she either adapts to the changes, or they are mitigated by Hormone Replacement Therapy.
The hot flashes, the drying out of formerly moist, lush tissues, the pain that can now accompany previously enjoyable intercourse, the literal transformation of your previously slim, trim body onto that of a menopausal thick middled less than sexy woman can all combine to make a woman going thru 'The Change" feel like sex is the last thing on their mind. Forcing the issue, whining about your "needs" while being blind to the huge changes and emotional shifts that are going on with her, (totally beyond her control, mind you,) is the exactly wrong approach.
In my experience, every woman I know remembers what her pre-menopausal sex life was like, and is not chosing the often painful (both physical and emotional) path that menopause often drags a woman down.
This isn't to say that every woman has a terrible menopausal experience. Many don't. But if your woman does, and you love her and cherish your relationship, my suggestion is to alter your approach, and look at this time not as a loss of your sex life, but to look at it as an opportunity for a new approach.
Like MrMike said, look at it from the approach of how can we find something mutually satisfying, and take it day by day, rather than trying to recreate that which may be gone, and may never return in the form in which it was. But can still be wonderful, and warm (hot even! ) and just as satisfying as before for both parties.

 

[Justadude64]

Sexiest one I know

I tell her every day how sexy she is. She has never left that pedistal. Every now and then I will try to put my hands on her where I know sends tingles to her toes. But she'll either turn away, walk away or change the subject completely. Not fun.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

I tell her every day how sexy she is. She has never left that pedistal. Every now and then I will try to put my hands on her where I know sends tingles to her toes. But she'll either turn away, walk away or change the subject completely. Not fun.

Well, what makes her tingle is likely to change.

What happens if you say to her that you miss the feeling of her body next to yours and your member inside of her.

 

[Justadude64]

Guilt

She gets apologetic and changes the subject.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

She gets apologetic and changes the subject.

Lets just hold each other, naked, and feel each others' bodies.
We don't have to have sex. I love the feel of your body so much.

 

[Jada59]

I've been through menopause but my sex drive is higher than ever! I don't think I'm typical though.

Her hormones could be out of whack. She could have her Dr, check. She could have vaginal dryness. Some of my friends do. There are various OTC products such as Replens or even coconut oil.

There are also OTC supplements she could take. She could try Evening Primrose Oil and/or Black Cohosh. There are others tht are a combination of things.

 

[Justadude64]

Thank you

Thank you all for your insight

 

[bigmahi]

I'm no expert...

I recommend she see her gyn and discuss HRT. She might also consider taking something with testosterone which has been shown to be helpful with sex drive. Baseline bloodwork should be performed including a thyroid function test. BTW your decrease in sex frequency still puts you in the good part of the bell curve for players your age!

Cheers,

Doc

 

[DanGolfy]

Dude, you're not the only one who has this problem. Every man faces her and if you really love it then you have to cope with it no matter what. My wife refused sex for a long time and it pissed me off. I decided to buy a quick test kit for hormone levels. I came to this decision because she refused to visit the doctor. As a result, we realized that she was menopause and now we very rarely have sex ...

 

[EmpressV]

But if you approach it from the direction of "how are your interests changing" rather than "why won't you drop to your knees on command," then you can work this through together.

Oh, and lube.

This.

And maybe suggest a daily 15-minute makeout session that does not lead to sex, that's just for mutual closeness. Taking the pressure off can work wonders.

 

[mab2017]

Menopause sucks!

I'm 54 and have gone through menopause. I love sex with the right person but menopause throws everything out of wack. Please be patient and try to talk to her. She may be embarrassed about the changes that are happening. That she's not as wet as she used to be, that she doesn't respond the way she once did. Just telling her she's sexy won't do it. Especially if she feels like it is just a way for you to get what you want. I'm not saying that's your intent. But if that's what she thinks, she'll resent you for it eventually. She may be as frustrated as you are. Or she just may be done with sex. It's a sad truth that some women lose all interest in sex during and after menopause.

I'm fortunate that I went the other way. I'm more sexual now than ever but don't have a partner to share it with.....oh, the irony. Once the menopause settles down or she tries hormone replacement (which has its own risks) she may come back to you hornier than ever. There's really no magic 8 ball for this. Good luck!