Ladies sex question please

[Todd]

GErenally its the guy tha is after sex but...

What if you and the new boyfriend/boytoy are kissing and cuddling watching a video/doing the beach thang/whatever and then you start pusing the encounter further than kissing/necking/petting and ...

He stops you and says, "Stop, I repect you to much to have sex with you before marriage."

Whats your reaction?

 

[lilminx]

My reaction is...

Dont respect me so much- Buh-bye!

 

[Never]

Todd:
"(s)He stops you and says, "Stop, I repect you to much to have sex with you before marriage."

Whats your reaction?"

But I don't want to live in Vermont.

 

[Kymberley]

Wouldn't this be alot more fun Toddums if you just told us what she said and did when you did that to her?


Details please.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Yes someone answer his question, I'm curious for an answer.

What would you actualy do if you were after the guy and he says he dosn't think it's time????

(asking cause that's how i think, not wait for marrige but for someone special.)

would you respect that? Simply leave? Keep playing without going too far? Stop all together? Find someone else? Wait untill you both agree it's time? there are many many senarios.

 

[Gilly Bean]

I think I would be to stupified to respond. Then, I would laugh, and ask if he was joking. Then, I would ask if he was actually physically attracted to me. Then, I would look at him, and in the softest, most gentle romantic voice I have, say:

Look, honey, I have kids, I am sexually active. i am a sure thing. You want it or not?


Ok, and in reality... I would probably just lay off, and feel uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I think I would be to stupified to respond. Then, I would laugh, and ask if he was joking. Then, I would ask if he was actually physically attracted to me. Then, I would look at him, and in the softest, most gentle romantic voice I have, say:

Look, honey, I have kids, I am sexually active. i am a sure thing. You want it or not?


Ok, and in reality... I would probably just lay off, and feel uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

So men are not supposed to refrain from sex if they have gotten carried away? Turn it around; what if a woman did the same thing? A man and a woman got carried away but before anything serious happens she backs away leaving the guy with a set of blue balls?

Aren't both parties supposed to respect each other's limits if one or the other is not yet comfortable having sex?

Seems kind of like a double standard here.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

oh geez Todd dear ... i really really hope that's not what you said ... tell me that's not what you said ...

wait until marriage??????????

oh yikes - that's like Brittney Speakers and she is living with Justin Timberlake and she says she is still a virgin ... oh my god ... what is up with that, eh? or what is not up with Justin??? ... lmao ...

if a guy said that to me and i was ready to fuck him ... i would drop him so fast ... i would run ... run away from him ...

he sounds like a prude ... not my kinda guy ...

 

[Isabella Thorne]

no double standard btw Shy ...

if a woman said that to me i would dump her too.

 

[lilminx]

STG- Wanting to wait until you know the other person better is one thing- but wanting to wait until marriage is unacceptable to me, seeing as how I don't know if I even want to get married, EVER. i don't see it as a double standard, I see it as your personal feelings on the matter. My personal feelings are that I don't want t obe with someone who plans on waiting until marriage to have sex.

 

[SexyChele]

Not quite the exact scenario, but something very similar did happen to me. I was dating a man who had high Christian ideals. (don't ask how we ever got together!) We would go so far, and then he would stop, saying he couldn't go any further than kissing unless he was married.

After a few months I had to ask him - am I the one? Or we just gonna keep playing this game? At first his answer was that he wasn't sure if I was "the one", and then it changed to "too much happening so I can't settle down right now." It was a terribly frustrating situation.

Which is why, of course, he is now a good friend but not some one I date or would ever reconsider doing so.

And, no, he still has not found "the one".

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

Ok, and in reality... I would probably just lay off, and feel uncomfortable for the rest of the night.

Thanks Gilly *Sniff* you really know how to make a guy feel stupid

j/k I do enough stuff to make myself feel stupid

but seriously why would you feel uncomfotable?

(I know i sound corny each time i say this but...) I go for the mind and spirit not the body. That just seems to be an added bonous hehe. But this is something people know about me from the getgo.. no spring on attack

 

[Rubyfruit]

I'd be very surprised to find myself in that position. Mainly because I think that I'd know somebody better than that before it came time for intimacy.

If it happened though, I'd ask him why he felt that way. If his reasons were morally or religiously based, I'd probably say that we are not compatible. Especially if his reasons were religiously based. Just not my bag.

I certainly wouldn't want to wait until marriage to fuck my man. No way.

Ruby

 

[letsallgetlaid]

Not a marriage kind of girl

I wouldn't iniatiate until I was sure I was in love and in a serious committed relationship. At that point if he wanted to wait for marriage I'd be in trouble. Marriage just isn't really my sort of thing. I am engaged right now and am happy where I am. I don't even really want to get married. I dont' think it is important. And if religion was the reason....oh BOY would we have trouble. Not exactly a good christian girl here.
But I do agree about the "do you not find me attractive thing?"
I'd be so baffeled that would be my first thought. NOt that he was being honest and really respected me, but that he just wasnt' attracted to me.

 

[XXplorher]

Whats your reaction?

You're no longer laid.

 

[SexyChele]

Then, I would ask if he was actually physically attracted to me.

This is what I initially thought, but he had shown me in other ways that he was attracted to me. In my case, he just had very high principles. I think women have been conditioned into thinking that every man wants to get into her panties so badly that when one says he won't out of respect for her, we internalize it and our first thought? "I'm not attractive enough." I don't think it's a matter of attractiveness, especially if it is his principles. In fact, he's probably struggling more than the woman is.

But, again, just my .02 worth...

 

[Todd]

She's gorgeous, not made up magazine beautiful natural beauty.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

STG- Wanting to wait until you know the other person better is one thing- but wanting to wait until marriage is unacceptable to me, seeing as how I don't know if I even want to get married, EVER. i don't see it as a double standard, I see it as your personal feelings on the matter. My personal feelings are that I don't want t obe with someone who plans on waiting until marriage to have sex.

Well I think it depends on the age of people involved, whether they have had sex before or not, and so on.

Having had multiple sex partners, having been married, having had children - it would be kind of silly of me to "wait" for marriage again before having sex. But I can see that for a young person, who is a virgin, who is dating another young person, that they may wish to wait for sex depending on their views on the matter.

It just struck me that I have heard so much from women about what creeps men are because they walk away from women who essentially say or feel the same way, and yet when a man asks this question, the women here are all over his case. Maybe the women who think those men are louses are someone other than the women on this board, but it seems I have heard this over and over again from women in one form or another.

 

[celiaKitten]

It just struck me that I have heard so much from women about what creeps men are because they walk away from women who essentially say or feel the same way, and yet when a man asks this question, the women here are all over his case. Maybe the women who think those men are louses are someone other than the women on this board, but it seems I have heard this over and over again from women in one form or another.

Definately not getting that from this direction! My thoughts: Don't give out the signals if you're not following through, or if there's a misunderstanding about either's intentions, speak up! If if happens it happens, no one is ever obligated to do anything they're uncomfortable with or that compromises their values. It's all about choice after all, so I'd have to respect that, and would expect the same from anyone else.

But personally - I couldn't wait for marriage. My recent ex didn't show his true colors until he got me in the sack (and with him - it was a very bad sack) Some people change after that point, and I'm very glad I'm not stuck in a marriage with that one!

 

[lovetoread]

I believe that if you said up front that there would be no sex, and I still was with you, then there would be no sexual moves from me. If that was said and she still tries to push ya,then out the door she should go.


However,to bring it up only after a heavy petting session would be unfair. You would be playing her no better than a girl who teases a man with no notion of actually going through with it.

But of course this is only my opinion.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

in all honesty, i would understand and ask if we could at least cuddle for awhile and talk some... i know i'd be confused as ever and think it was something to do with me, and i'd want to make sure. which i think after being turned down like that, my request would most likely be accepted.. and then maybe while we're talking we can create some form of arrangement between us where we can do some things, but not others and so on.

 

[estevie]

hmmm...that has never happened to me, can't be sure how I would react to that. But i can say this:

Waiting for marriage before you have sex is like buying a car without test driving it first!

Seriously though, I think if a man asked me to stop because he was not ready, I would give him his space. I don't think I would freak and run. I would want to know why he was not ready though, I mean...as adults, we know where all the kissing/petting is going to lead, so if he wasn't ready for the 'act' why start in the first place...does that make sense? lol...it does in my head, but thats not saying much!

 

[sunnii]

I believe that if you said up front that there would be no sex, and I still was with you, then there would be no sexual moves from me. If that was said and she still tries to push ya,then out the door she should go.


However,to bring it up only after a heavy petting session would be unfair. You would be playing her no better than a girl who teases a man with no notion of actually going through with it.

But of course this is only my opinion.

I think your answer was absolutely right. When comes to an issue as important as sex, this is definitely the kind of thing you need to address before she gets her hand down your pants.
Discussing things ahead of time saves you both a lot of embarassment and helps you to figure out if you even want to consider this person as a possible spouse.
Teasing is soooooo unfair. Although women may not get "blue balls" in the traditional sense, we can be just as vicious as a guy when we feel we've been sexually slighted.

 

[PowerOfOne]

GErenally its the guy tha is after sex but...

What if you and the new boyfriend/boytoy are kissing and cuddling watching a video/doing the beach thang/whatever and then you start pusing the encounter further than kissing/necking/petting and ...

He stops you and says, "Stop, I repect you to much to have sex with you before marriage."

Whats your reaction?

"I am already married baby so this is no longer a problem", then thinking to myself, "How do I end up with every loser that ever walked the face of the earth?"

 

[Mischka]

Saying you respect a person too much to have sex with her is tantamount to saying that you would not respect a person that engaged in premarital sex. For me, that would signal a fundamental incompatability and an absolute end to the relationship.