Ladies: Question Regarding...

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Adult Friend Finder

I have a personal up bad_badp40 and I do want to find a female companion, that LIKES TO HAVE SEX!

Now I see lots and lots I'm interested in, but I'm not sure how to go about starting conversation, what message to send that would pique their interest.

I see lots put in their profiles "Gee I thought about finding a man, but so many assholes sent me vulgar messages and sent pictures of their cocks, I'm automatically deleting messages from men."

Problems,

1. Just got divorced, ex-wife took all my money, I'm broke and going to be broke.
2. Well I'm broke, I ended up living with my parents again at 40 (Oh yeah it really sucks.)
3. I have a Construction job (telecomm, hooking up computer networks and the like) but I am laid off more than I work. Makes it fun with child support, and of course actually having money. I got into the Trade because my ex-wife said if I didn't she'd divorce me, which she did anyhow and I'm two years into a three year apprenticeship. I'm looking for a REAL job, but the economy SUCKS ASS (thanks George Bush) so currently my prospects are not hopefull.
4. I see lots of women say they want an honest man, well I'm so honest it's a problem. I do very much try to be polite and courteous, but some people need to be told when they are a complete idiot.
5. I'm not Brad Pitt, I don't believe I'm hideous in appearance, believe me I've seen lots of guys worse off that I am. I'd probably give myself a five or low six on a realistic 1 to 10 scale.
6. Short, I'm 5'6"
7. Murphy's Law was written for me.
8. I'm smart, and though I try, I don't relate well to people, I talk to people and they think I'm trying to insult or demean them by talking above their level. I'm not trying to talk down to people, I just happen to have a well polished vocabulary and speak eloquently, I can't stuff um, duh, huh, and what? into my conversation. I've thought about going on Survivor to get away from everyone for 40 days (it's actually supposed to be good for you, it clean out your system) but I'd be voted off first, both tribes would get together and unamiously vote me off. If I could make it a week or two I'd get in under the radar because they'd discover how damn useful I am (cooks, clean, builds, hunts, fishes, etc..) But I'll never win a popularity contest. If I don't talk to people, then they think I think I'm superior to them, and they get all resentful? Damned if you do, damned if you don't! I don't think I could live with a woman who was like me.


Good.

1. I'm honest, I see lots of women say they want an honest man, usually I learn that they didn't really want an honest man, and after my ex I'm not going to have anything to do with a dishonest woman.

2. SMART, I have a tee-shirt that reads "People who think they know everything really annoy those of us who actually do."
Everyone who knows me say that it's the most appropriate statement. I'm not a super-genious, but I do know how to make home made rocket fuel, really to fire a liquid fueled rocket, I'm not a nuclear physicist, but I read enough in Popular Mechanics that I think I could build my own reactor. I'm pretty freaking clever, yes Wylie Coyote Clever at times, but I've made a living in the past fixing other peoples mistakes (well machines they built that didn't work.)

I'm not trying to brag here, okay, people have called me McGiver to my face MANY TIMES.

3. Calm in a crisis, when you've grown up, seeing everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong, it's a state of existance. I was in an auto-plant and a paint booth caught on fire, the fire suppresion system didn't go off, I calmly walked up and down the line shutting down the spray equipment and manually turning on the fire suppresion when everyone else was fleeing in terror. I'm also usually prepared for a crisis, I have a first aid kit, handy McGiver Knife, and other vaious and assorted items that I need. Yes I need them, if I don't have them the crisis will occur where I need something I didn't carry with me.

4. Yes I have a sense of humor too, Fargo and Fight Club are outstandingly funny movies! Unfortunately sometimes my dry and sarcastic humor is so far over other peoples head that I leave them baffled and confused.

I like slap stick too, but what's funny to me is Johnny Depp keeps playing malcontent deformed characters with exceptional personality disorders in his movies.

Tom Cruise as and action hero, yeah, that's hillarious.

5. I get along good with Kids and Pets, I actually have worked on farms, I'm a fair hand with horse, I don't think much of cows or foul, and I'm not nice to pigs. Not shy of dogs or cats, can play cowboy.

6. I have camped, have had survival training in the military so I know how to set up a tent or dig a hole to live in. I can and will do outdoor things.

7. Will travel (if we can) I've been on every continent but Antiartica, and I'm pretty good picking up languages.

What I want

I'd like to meet a female close to my age, I could probably take an older woman, but not much older woman, but younger is definetly a preference.

I want a woman who's submissive, who wants to please me, I'm not a brute, I don't beat women, but I'll spank em if they want!

I want a woman who like to perform oral sex on men to completion, that means one who swallows. I'll try to lift the right woman off my face using only my tounge, so she's got to be smaller than I am. I have and will do taller than me, but I'd like a nice spinner.

I'm not religious, IMHO religion is the number one excuse people have had for killing people for two long, I believe in God, just not organized religion.

I'm not a republican, I'm closer to moderate than liberal, but no where near republican.

So ladies, read my profile at AFF, and tell me what I should put there.

I'd like to have sex, but I'd also like to find a soul mate.

Tell me if I see a females profile that I think is attractive and I'd like to get ahold of her ankles for a bit, what would be a good opening line.

I don't want to put "Gee you're hot, let's fuck." in a message to them, unless by consensus the ladies here think that's appropriate.

Thank you for your responses in advance, I surely do wish to hear from you.

 

[Missingmeds]

Try a wink first and see what you get in return. I have a natural woman's curiosity and those winks get me everytime.

Talk to the woman in the first message just like you would if you were meeting her in person.

 

[bamagirl]

I don't go to AFF but I agree with Missing try winking and just be yourself...talk like you would just meeting...

Good luck

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Yeah,

I think I'm wearing the wink button out.

There should be a wink counter.

I'm having difficulty tracking whom I've winked, but I am not getting much response.

It's like fishing, but I feel like I got the wrong bait.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

You have 0 winks! <----sucks

 

[bamagirl]

Just don't give up hun...sooner or later the fish will bite

 

[Missingmeds]

Okay Bad, I went and took a look at your profile.

First edit it to take out the bit the poor and the ex-wife. Second, tell more about you in the first paragraph. Give a self description if you want, but tell more like what you told here in your first post. The things that you like, what you are looking for, and what you are willing to do in return.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Accenuate the positives, seems less than honest???

 

[Missingmeds]

It isn't less than honest to put your best foot forward.

 

[SweetErika]

Accenuate the positives, seems less than honest???

I don't think so, as long as you're not blatantly hiding information or lying about something. Personally, I'm attracted to people (even as friends) who are healthy, positive, and confident. If someone is already talking about all of their problems/negatives in an ad or first conversation, I'd get the impression that s/he isn't very positive or confident. Look at it like a job interview...you wouldn't go in volunteering information about how you were sick five times last year and your divorce left you penniless and you're late sometimes. You'd be honest while putting your best foot forward, right?

Good luck to you!

 

[ExplicitAngel]

Accenuate the positives, seems less than honest???

Everyone knows that everyone else has problems/issues/bad points - accentuating the positives isn't hiding the negatives, we know they are there, we just don't want them shoved in our face - we'd like to imagine in the beginning that you are closer to perfect than we are.

 

[anne27]

It isn't less than honest to put your best foot forward.

I agree. Smart, funny, confident. Save the ex and the money situation until you get to know someone a little. No need in overwhelming people with too much not-go-good information.

I wish you the best of luck! Never stop trying!

 

[yesYesYEsYES]

Hi there...I had to jump in on this one...I had been a member of AFF for quite a while. I know from talking to alot of people on there that men just don't get responses to winks or mail that they send, so don't feel bad...really...hardly any do. Your best bet is to go and chat on the chat boards...if nothing else you will meet some nice people from your area, I have never hooked up with anyone "romantically" but have made some pretty good friends from there that I still keep in contact with. Personally tho...I wouldn't get your hopes up to high...even if you do start a conversation with someone and they agree to meet you for a drink or coffee...I really hate to say this...but you'll be lucky if you hear back from them to make solid arrangements. Not meaning to sound like a kill joy or anything...but I do know that is how it is on there from talking to literally hundreds of people there. Oh and by the way...I used to love to get funny emails from the guys...I have a killer sense of humor and those were the ones that always caught my eye, ok so call me strange...lol. And one more thing...the women on there hate to get so called "dick" pics. Good Luck tho, it dosen't hurt to try.

 

[Miss Eggroll]

This is not a slam on you, nor did I read your AFF profile...but I'm making an assumption based upon your main post here. First, make SURE that you have all your spelling and grammatical mistakes corrected. I saw at least a half dozen in your post here (you're not interested in "cows or foul"...err, it's "fowl"), women pick up on things like that, it shows to us that maybe you don't pay attention to details, that maybe you're not as smart as you claim to be. Don't take these remarks as daggers to your heart...you did ask for recommendations. It's nit picky, to be sure, but computers do come with spell checkers, and you should treat your online profile like you would a job resume. Type it in MS word, run spell check, then read and re-read.

I'll stop there.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

I'm plenty smart, and I type okay, but writing has never been my strongest suit. It's pretty strong, I can get my thoughts out, I'm just very bad with comma splices and often the exact fowl, foul, or plain, plane, etc..

You, I assume, got the intent of my first post above? Which I hope didn't make me appear to be an idiot. I know I'm not smarter than everyone else, but most people who meet me think I'm trying to act smarter than everyone else. It's not an act, and it is a trait I wish I knew how to change, but I can't act dumb.

I'm smart different than everyone else??

People make assumptions about people, a person might think that a Dr. is smarter than a Mechanic, but then why does the doctor take his car to mechanic? Mechanics are smart about cars, doctors are smart about medicine. You could say a guy is a hick cause he can name the winner of every NASCAR race for the past 20 years, when he's sitting next to a rocket scientist. I'll bet the Rocket Scientist couldn't recall the NASCAR Winners!

I have, I don't know why, a good recollection of trival or often not so trivial facts, I'm often not exactly right, but close enough to the mark to get to the crux of the issue.

I've grown up learning science, engineering and history, and politics, and religion, and a bit about the world around me. So I have a pretty good basic knowlesge of lots of things.

Everything I don't know about, I have an opinion on.

So, I'll work on my profile, try and leave the baggage behind, and run a spell checker on it...

Thanks for the responses.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Hows this?


Introduction Text (e.g. describe who you are and what you like/dislike) (Writing Ideas)

Masterpiece In Progress

Describe who I am? I'm a guy that when people actually get to know me, their happy they do. When you need a friend, I'm a friend; helping moving, helping working on a car, helping wiring the house, cleaning the garage or the yard, fixing the computer, solving all the annoying problems.

I'm not an unpleasant sort, when people first meet me they think I'm trying to act like I'm smarter than they are. I'm not acting, and I don't think I'm smarter than other people, I'm smart different than most people. People who give me a chance learn that I'm not putting anyone down and I don't have an ego issue. I just, like Cliff Clavin, am able to recall information and often unable to stop myself from doing so.

Sometimes I say the obviously wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, trying to lighten the mood. I have a very different sense of humor. To me Fargo is funny, Tom Cruise as an action hero is funny, Johnny Depp playing roles with personality disorders and physical deformities is funny. But I like slap stick as well, I'm a devout Monty Python fan.

When you want someone to talk too, I'm a good listener, and though you may not want to hear it, you'll get the truth from me.

I like to do things with someone, prepare a meal that we'd both enjoy together, clean up together, do laundry together, watch old movies together, sit under an old blanket on the couch and nap in each others arms on a cold crisp day.

I'm smart, I can learn almost anything, and I have a insatiable curiosity about everything around me. I like to learn new things, I read and write excessively at times. I like to know how things work, I'm a "taker aparter and a puter back togetherer" guy.

I'm not a geek, I watch Star Trek, but I'm not a trekkie, I do out doors things as well, I'll camp or go to cookouts.

I'm good with kids and animals, I like kids and animals, kids and animals usually like me too. Don't be shocked if I come to visit and your cat jumps in my lap, CATS KNOW who's going to scratch them in the place they want to be scratched. I'd probably be a good veterinarian.


Describe What You're Looking For in a Person (Writing Ideas)

I'd like to meet a woman shorter than I am, one who likes sex and likes to snuggle. Someone who likes being around me, someone who I like being around.

Someone smart and funny, someone who will encourage me, someone who will share with me, someone who wants to make my dreams come true as much as I want her dreams to come true.

Someone who isn't frivolous, but likes to have fun. Someone who's responsible and saves for a rainy day while not going in debt for a sunny one.

Sexually I'd like to meet subservient woman, a woman who like sex without a lot of sexual hang-ups. Someone who wasn't raped, molested, date raped, or has some hidden anger about men. I didn't do it, I'm not that kind of guy and I don't want a woman taking it out on me because there have been assholes in their lives.

Sexually I'd like a woman who likes oral sex, giving to completion and receiving. A woman who's sexually active and spontaneous, someone who isn't rewarding me for doing the "honey-dos" but likes me and wants to get me off because she wants to. Light bondage, dirty talking, and the occasional other active participant (though I'm not having sex with any guys) I wouldn't mind occasionally sharing.

I’m looking for an artist to help mold me into what I can become.


spelling and grammar caught a lot more than scratched and veterinarian

 

[Missingmeds]

Correct scratched and vet spelling and you have it. Very nice job Bad.

 

[SweetErika]

Bad, my suggestions are in caps and parentheses (sorry, it was the easiest way). Overall, it's very good, but needs a little revision IMHO. Also, I'm wondering if you wouldn't have more luck on another dating site...it sounds like you want a relationship, and a lot of AFF people are just looking for an NSA thing. You could test the waters on a completely free site like matchdoctor.com, adultmatchdoctor.com, or something similar.

Good luck!

Hows this?


Introduction Text (e.g. describe who you are and what you like/dislike) (Writing Ideas)

Masterpiece In Progress

Describe who I am? I'm a guy that when people actually get to know me, their (THEY'RE) happy they do. When you need a friend, I'm a friend(IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD? DELETE THE REST OF THE PARAGRAPH?); helping moving, helping working on a car, helping wiring the house, cleaning the garage or the yard, fixing the computer, solving all the annoying problems.

(I'D DELETE THIS PARAGRAPH, AND SAVE THE INFO FOR A SUBSEQUENT CONVERSATION)I'm not an unpleasant sort, when people first meet me they think I'm trying to act like I'm smarter than they are. I'm not acting, and I don't think I'm smarter than other people, I'm smart different than most people. People who give me a chance learn that I'm not putting anyone down and I don't have an ego issue. I just, like Cliff Clavin, am able to recall information and often unable to stop myself from doing so.

(DELETE/REWORD: Sometimes I say the obviously wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, trying to lighten the mood.) I have a very different sense of humor. To me, Fargo is funny, Tom Cruise as an action hero is funny, Johnny Depp playing roles with personality disorders and physical deformities is funny. But I like slap stick as well, I'm a devout Monty Python fan.

When you want someone to talk too(TO), I'm a good listener, and though you may not want to hear it, you'll (ALWAYS) get the truth from me.

I like to do things with someone, prepare a meal that we'd both enjoy together, clean up together, do laundry together, watch old movies together, sit under an old blanket on the couch and nap in each others arms on a cold crisp day.

I'm smart, I can learn almost anything, and I have a insatiable curiosity about everything around me. I like to learn new things (AND) read and write (DELETE excessively at times). I like to know how things work, I'm a "taker aparter and a puter back togetherer" guy.

(SUGGESTION INSTEAD OF THE NEXT TWO PARAGRAPHS: I LIKE THE OUTDOORS, AND AM GREAT WITH KIDS AND ANIMALS.) I'm not a geek, I watch Star Trek, but I'm not a trekkie, I do out doors things as well, I'll camp or go to cookouts.

I'm good with kids and animals, I like kids and animals, kids and animals usually like me too. Don't be shocked if I come to visit and your cat jumps in my lap, CATS KNOW who's going to scratch them in the place they want to be scratched. I'd probably be a good veterinarian.


Describe What You're Looking For in a Person (Writing Ideas)

I'd like to meet a woman (DELETE: shorter than I am, one) who likes sex and likes to snuggle. Someone who likes being around me, someone who I like being around.

Someone smart and funny, someone who will encourage me, someone who will share with me, someone who wants to make my dreams come true as much as I want her dreams to come true.

Someone who isn't frivolous, but likes to have fun. Someone who's responsible and saves for a rainy day while not going in debt for a sunny one.

Sexually, I'd like to meet (A) subservient (SUBMISSIVE?) woman, a woman who like (LIKES/LOVES) sex without a lot of sexual hang-ups. Someone who wasn't raped, molested, date raped, or has some hidden anger about men. I didn't do it, I'm not that kind of guy and I don't want a woman taking it out on me because there have been assholes in their lives. (MANY SEXUAL ASSUALT SURVIVORS HAVE HEALED AND DON'T HATE MEN...I'D SAVE THIS FOR A LATER CONVERSATION...IT LEAVES A BAD IMPRESSION)

Sexually I'd like a woman who likes oral sex, giving to completion and receiving. A woman who's sexually active and spontaneous, someone who isn't rewarding me for doing the "honey-dos" but likes me and wants to get me off because she wants to. Light bondage, dirty talking, and the occasional other active participant (though I'm not having sex with any guys) I wouldn't mind occasionally sharing.

I’m looking for an artist to help mold me into what I can become.


spelling and grammar caught a lot more than scratched and veterinarian

 

[Missingmeds]

Thank you Sweet Ericka, alot of times I just catch the obvious mistakes. I like the way that you did that.

 

[ExplicitAngel]

Its looking good Brad, and Sweet Erika, good suggestions.

I just have a couple of things.

Firstly, in the introduction text that part the Erika has as

I like to learn new things (AND) read and write (DELETE excessively at times).

I'd probably keep in 'excessively at times' or otherwise rearrange the sentence cause saying you like to read and write, no offence, it would sound like you're five.

Also, in the first sentence of the what you were looking for section, I agree that saying you want a woman shorter than you, doesn't fit there. But if its important, you could still put it in, just don't let it be the first thing someone see's when reading that section.

Also agree with Erika about that 'women who have been raped etc' paragraph, bit harsh,


Otherwise, I think you sound sweet, if I were single and in your part of the world, I'd meet up for coffee.

Good luck,

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Well it is fairly important that I find a woman shorter than I am, how about

I'm hoping to meet a woman 5'5" or less..

And I've had problems with women who seem to think I'm the perfect guy to get revenge upon, for all the past misdeeds real or imagined men have perpatrated upon them.

I'm not saying I'd exclude a woman who's suffered, I'm saying that I don't want someone who thinks they are going to revenge all the bad things on me.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Masterpiece In Progress

Describe who I am? I'm a guy that when people actually get to know me, they’re happy they do. When you need a friend, I'm a friend in every sense of the word.

I have a very different sense of humor. To me Fargo is funny, Tom Cruise as an action hero is funny, Johnny Depp playing roles with personality disorders and physical deformities is funny. But I like slap stick as well, I'm a devout Monty Python fan.

When you want someone to talk to, I'm a good listener, and though you may not want to hear it, you'll always get the truth from me.

I like to do things with someone, prepare a meal that we'd both enjoy together, clean up together, do laundry together, watch old movies together, sit under an old blanket on the couch and nap in each others arms on a cold crisp day.

I'm smart, I can learn almost anything, and I have a insatiable curiosity about everything around me. I like to learn, read, write, try new things, experience new sensations . I like to know how things work, I'm a "taker aparter and a puter back togetherer" guy.

I like the outdoors and I’m good with kids and animals.


Describe What You're Looking For in a Person (Writing Ideas)

I'd like to meet a woman five foot five or smaller, one who likes sex and likes to snuggle. Someone who likes being around me, someone who I like being around.

Someone smart and funny, someone who will encourage me, someone who will share with me, someone who wants to make my dreams come true as much as I want her dreams to come true.

Someone who isn't frivolous, but likes to have fun. Someone who's responsible and saves for a rainy day while not going in debt for a sunny one.

Sexually I'd like to meet a submissive woman, a woman who loves sex and doesn’t have a lot of sexual hang-ups. Someone who doesn’t have some deep seated hidden anger about men.

Sexually I'd like a woman who likes oral sex, giving to completion and receiving. A woman who's sexually active and spontaneous, someone who isn't rewarding me for doing the "honey-dos" but likes me and wants to get me off because she wants to. Light bondage, dirty talking, and the occasional other active participant (though I'm not having sex with any guys) I wouldn't mind occasionally sharing.

I’m looking for an artist to help mold me into what I can become.

 

[Missingmeds]

Goodness Bad, now if I were just a few inches shorter and further west and north, I would be answering that personal.

Very well done.

 

[Bad_Bad_LB]

Well I'm flexible (meaning I'm not strict on what I'm looking for) it's just that usually the taller women I've been with express that they feel awkward at times that I wasn't taller.

For me, being with a woman of shorter stature, well I was married to a tall woman, and my preference would be for a shorter woman this time around.

I think it would be less awkward for the both of us.

Sometimes I feel like I need to put everything, why I feel what I feel about to explain.

It's like the thing with women who feel they need to take out their anger at men on me.

I love women, I'd never not in a million years intentionally do anything to hurt a woman physically or emotionally. Am I innocent, no, but If I hurt someone I wish they would tell me so I could appoligize.

I can usually figure out something wrong, you know the silent treatment, the curt treatment, but asking what I did yeilds no result.

I guess I like discussion boards, where we can interact. Get peoples views.

I tried the AFF Chat and it was laggy as crap. I've got mIRC but AFF has such blocks that it's diffucult to get people to where you can chat with them.

I've tried to direct people here, but AFF edits out all mention of Literotica. Those bastages!

 

[Missingmeds]

About the only way around that editing out that they do is to put it like this.

www dot Literotica dot com That way the editing program doesn't recognize it as a url.