Ladies' Night- unusual?

[Attlebattle]

Hi all. "Ladies' Night" (exhibitionist & voyeur) is my first submission on the site and so far a few people have said it's a bit "unusual" in terms of style. I wondered what the rest of you think- not having read all that many other stories on here I'm not entirely sure of whether there's a "house style" and if following it is a good or bad thing. Anyway, all feedback welcome (I think!), whether on this thread, as a pm or after the story itself. Thanks.

 

[nakdsub]

It's easier

if you post a link to your story.

 

[Attlebattle]

Yes, I suppose that might help! Here it is:

http://www.literotica.com/s/ladies-night-7

Thanks again.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

AB, your bio says you're male but this is a great piece of female erotica. The present tense hightens the tension and, for me, third person gives you freedom to explore.

There is no house style on Lit. It is an eclectic gathering of smutty stories. Your's is a little gem that deserves to be widely appreciated. Please write more.

There are some little quibbles, like losing the erotica tension with expressions like, 'the stink of cum' and 'like a swimming squid'. A beta reader/editor could pick that up in a flash.

On Lit, the Israeli-Palestine war is fought out in Loving Wives. Your emphasis on a married woman's unfaithfulness (perceived or otherwise) was bound to attract un-literary criticism. I know the mental issues of perceived infidelity are crucial but working it around a 'significant other' might have helped the reactions.

The main reason your story might be described as 'unusual' is because it's so good.

Congrats on a fabulous debut.

 

[PacoFear]

Hi all. "Ladies' Night" (exhibitionist & voyeur) is my first submission on the site and so far a few people have said it's a bit "unusual" in terms of style. I wondered what the rest of you think- not having read all that many other stories on here I'm not entirely sure of whether there's a "house style" and if following it is a good or bad thing. Anyway, all feedback welcome (I think!), whether on this thread, as a pm or after the story itself. Thanks.

I'm with e_o on this, Attle. In your case, I would take the "unusual" comments as compliments. On my read, there were two traits in your writing that I suspect are inspiring them.

Uncommon prose: You have a fluid, descriptive style with more complex sentence structure than is typically employed here in Lit-town. It made for a fun read for me.

Lovely use of character mental state: Content-wise, I thought the strength of your piece was your treatment of Cathy's thought process, a zipping ride of revulsion-attraction-denial-desire-submission-satisfaction. It was like a little psychosexual rollercoaster. Whee!

Glad you've joined our ranks, Attle. Do carry on.

Best,

-PF

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I'm with e_o on this, Attle. In your case, I would take the "unusual" comments as compliments. On my read, there were two traits in your writing that I suspect are inspiring them.

Uncommon prose: You have a fluid, descriptive style with more complex sentence structure than is typically employed here in Lit-town. It made for a fun read for me.

Lovely use of character mental state: Content-wise, I thought the strength of your piece was your treatment of Cathy's thought process, a zipping ride of revulsion-attraction-denial-desire-submission-satisfaction. It was like a little psychosexual rollercoaster. Whee!

Glad you've joined our ranks, Attle. Do carry on.

Best,

-PF

PF, I hate you! Why can you say briefly in more academic and mellifluous prose thoughts I'm trying to express.

 

[Scotsman69]

Glad I read it. Something different indeed.

 

[nakdsub]

Although my male blood is boiling

I have to agree with everyone so far, your writing is spectacular! I would have read this if it were not for all the praise you have received.
I think it actually belongs in the, "Loving Wives," category though.

 

[PacoFear]

PF, I hate you! Why can you say briefly in more academic and mellifluous prose thoughts I'm trying to express.

Maybe, but you've got all them fancy big words like "mellifluous."

 

[nakdsub]

Is that the end or...

will there be a sequel? I would be interested, since she performed in front of her girlfriends, just how she intends on keeping this from her husband?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Maybe, but you've got all them fancy big words like "mellifluous."

Just showing off to get back at ya' for being so slick lawyer clever.