Ladies, honesty about "fingering".

[MrSneakyinPA]

I just have to suspect that, guys think a lady is enjoying it more than she really is. I'm willing to bet that, as you and your partner got older and more experienced, it is more pleasurable for you both. But really, when your 1st b/f was attempting to please you, was he? I remember back at what I was doing, and I didn't really think I was any stud or anything, but I was hoping that she was enjoying it as much as I was enjoying doing it. Now.. I know my wife does enjoy it, if I do it properly, which isn't what I was doing at 1st! My poor g/f's! They were so kind and sweet to let me. But, perhaps just the fact that we were making out, "in love" and touching each other, even incorrectly, was enough.

 

[desertslave]

I'm not exactly sure what the question was, if there was one?

My first BF wasn't so hot. He was more interested in himself than me, but he was intensely curious about female bits and pieces, so he made a decent effort. My next BF, also my first long-term relationship, was much more interested in our mutual pleasuring, and was quite good with his hands.

Master rocks my world with his fingers on a regular basis.

 

[DarkPleasures]

My "first" boyfriend didn't do anything right. lol

 

[MrsCCfromRC]

Well, early experiences for me seemed to be more about trial and error. The certainly wasn't the available information there is now and therefore some boys were, well, clueless. But talk and experience help and so does time.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

Sorry, I guess I really did stink at making it a question.

Here it is. How was it at first with your early bf/s? Were you merely letting your b/f because he wanted to do it? Did you enjoy it....at all? Were you to shy to tell him he's "doing it wrong"? Would you tell a new partner how to do it if he wasn't doing it the way you enjoy it best? Would you have a problem showing him by doing it to yourself? During the whole foreplay process, is it something you look forward to as you start making out, or is it something that is just going to happen, but hopefully for not very long? Did you look forward to being fingered early on, even with an inexperienced b/f, because at lease it was something happening sexual? And the last question, do you, or your partner touch yourself WHILE he's inside you to add to the moment and help bring about orgasm?


I suppose I have one more question. With guys, once we orgasm, sadly, we are pretty much done, or, we were when we were younger. But women, does an orgasm take the wind out of your sails? Once a man makes...er, helps you orgasm, do you continue because you want him to orgasm out of..... kindness/love, or because you genuinely still want to have sex?

Sorry if these questions come off as sophomoric. I thought it might create interesting discussion, and help us clods that...just don't know.


And ladies, I want to apologize that, men in general are honestly clueless, in every way. We really REALLY want to do what pleases our ladies. But, if you don't TELL US step by step, we are left to guess and hope. And in your loving kindness, you don't want to hurt our feelings, you continue letting us believe we are "all that", we won't improve. So this site, while it feeds men (sometimes) demented fantasies, also provides us an anonymous forum to ask women things we could NEVER ask publicly to a women. With that said, thank you for indulging and tolerating our weirdness.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

I want to add one more thing. Since I am one of "those men" with the, sharing my wife fantasy. I survive on her telling me about having sex with her previous b/f's. One in particular, she said was... VERY GOOD with his hands. He was a couple years older, and she really liked him touching her when they were in bed, and it really got her ready for sex. He's the only one that she says this about. So I'm assuming her other b/f's, which were previous to him, weren't as good at it. At least she had the joy of the one!!

 

[RomanSteel]

I must have lucked out back in the day. My first fingering and those from it have always been fantastic. Kudos to the boyfriends/girlfriends past.

 

[Bonnie_Go]

I was lucky in that my first BF that fingered me, though he was a year younger than me, was much more experienced sexually and knew how and where to touch me. When he fingered me, he launched me right into orbit

 

[aquarius2291]

I guess I got lucky cus my first boyfriend was fucking amazing...at everything lol

 

[gabriel16]

fingering

Most women I have known love being fingerfucked. Some love it more than fucking, perhaps for the way in which the fingers hit their g spot or whatever.

G

 

[Connubium]

I have a massive fetish for being fingered, it may be because my first 'proper' boyfriend was really good at it. He was a musician (bassist mostly) and was excellent with his fingers .

My current man is also very skilled, more so probably, since I'm slightly harder to please and I'm not afraid to give direction these days.

 

[vibes]

and I'm not afraid to give direction these days.

You ladies have no idea how directions are welcome ...

 

[rexhame317]

my first bf, not great with his fingers
I have had a few since who are good.. My 26 yo was amazing with his fingers . He could make me cum hard and fast, the only guy who has made me squirt

 

[pisces_girl]

The first few guys were not as good with their hands as I would have liked... there was a lot of re-positioning and me saying, "go like this with your fingers" etc. Recently I've had better luck with a guy who knows exactly how to find and please my clit with his fingers with just the right amount of pressure. Though I still struggle with having an orgasm from being fingered and having my clit rubbed... it just gets too sensitive sometimes...

 

[vibes]

Though I still struggle with having an orgasm from being fingered and having my clit rubbed... it just gets too sensitive sometimes...

My lady likes the whole hooded clit sucked while she gets double-fingered ... by the way she screams her joy I would recommend it

 

[desertslave]

Better questions!

From the first time, I've never been shy about giving gentle directions and feedback. I've masturbated FOR the few lovers who have asked me to. I love touching and being touched the entire time we're 'having sex' (I think of it as part of the whole package). I'm rather multi-orgasmic so I enjoy going again and again, with the occasional sensory-overload breather here and there.

I'm blessed with a man (Master/owner/husband) who loves me, loves women in general, and loves as many aspects of lovemaking as I do: touching, fingering, oral and everything else.

 

[subwannabe]

I think you are being too hard on yourself for your past. Do you actually know that your past girlfriends did not enjoy your fingering? Every human being is different so just because you do it differently now and your wife enjoys it does not necessarily mean that your past girlfriends did not. It also depends on your exact definition of "fingering". To me "fingering" means having your fingers in her pussy, not necessarily everything else you can do with your fingers. I would think most women would enjoy to some degree just having fingers in their pussy, especially if they are somewhat young and inexperienced. Sex is something that takes practice, practice, practice. Hopefully you learn while practicing and get better. Most of us probably stumbled through things our first few times.

 

[crazy_sexy_cute]

My first few boyfriends were horrible at fingering. I'm pretty sure most of them had no idea where the clit was. I was inexperienced so I didn't know how to give them instructions.

Up until my current bf and I started dating, I thought that it was pointless for a guy to finger me, since I got no pleasure from it. The first time he tried I actually told him to stop because I've never liked it. He proved me otherwise He can make me cum everytime with his fingers, I actually get more out of being fingered than sex.

 

[njoyndesire]

I have a massive fetish for being fingered, it may be because my first 'proper' boyfriend was really good at it. He was a musician (bassist mostly) and was excellent with his fingers .

My current man is also very skilled, more so probably, since I'm slightly harder to please and I'm not afraid to give direction these days.

yeah... i would say my love of it approaches fetish too...

for those women that love it and don't have a regular partner... i strongly encourage this... it's really a solo toy because of the weight... if a partner really wanted to help, i'd suggest starting with dual hands before letting him or her go solo...

i taught my ex-husband (my first bf) how to finger me properly ... he told me (we are good friends... was just a shit marriage) a couple months ago that the woman he was dating was benefiting from my lessons. lol

my last boyfriend nearly made me pass out every time he fingered me....

 

[Aurantica]

Personally, I love being fingered. I'm too tiny to take more than 2 fingers and still let him do his thing. I've also never been that sensitive inside, so it was a great shock to me to be able to enjoy fingering. I guess it also helps that my man knew how to do it right.

 

[DeathAndTaxes]

How was it at first with your early bf/s?
It was kind of a non-event. I didn't know what to tell them to do because I have never successfully masturbated to orgasm using my own fingers. G-spot stimulation just makes me feel like I have to pee, and I can never make the clit stimulation work right either (at least not with my hands). Some early B/F's seemed to make the assumption that because girls are supposed to like a dick pumping furiously into them, that they should replicate this action with a finger. Excess enthusiasm in this area resulted in too much knuckle banging into my groin area so I would just find a reason that we should just have sex to get them to move on.

Were you merely letting your b/f because he wanted to do it?
At first I wanted to try it to see what it was like, but after I discovered that I was not getting anywhere, then, yes, I would just let them do it because I didn't want to tell them that is would do no good. I thought that they might take this as a challenge and re-double their efforts and I would be laying there, being ineffectually thrust upon all night.

Did you enjoy it....at all?
I would enjoy it when it was coupled with making out, kissing, etc., and if he was making some variety happen down there. A little work on the clit, some probing, spreading my wetness around, not just repetitive banging.

Were you to shy to tell him he's "doing it wrong"?
When I was younger, yes. I felt that I would hurt their feelings and kill the mood. I have less trouble speaking up now, but I still would not say: "You're doing it wrong," I would just suggest things to do that I know would feel better. Fortunately after 11 years, my husband pretty much has me figured out by now, so I don't have to feel as awkward.

Would you tell a new partner how to do it if he wasn't doing it the way you enjoy it best?
Depends on where I feel like the relationship is headed. One night stand? Probably not, I would just lead the way to a different activity. Something a bit more long term? Then maybe some gentle guidance is in order if this person is going to be touching me again repeatedly in the future.

Would you have a problem showing him by doing it to yourself?
I would not have a problem in theory, but see my comment above - I'm not any good at it myself, so I wouldn't have much to show him.

During the whole foreplay process, is it something you look forward to as you start making out, or is it something that is just going to happen, but hopefully for not very long?
I will say that in the past I was not that into it for its own sake, but nowadays I find that I do get turned on when kissing/making out and I begin to anticipate the moment that his fingers will slip inside. Something very erotic about when it happens when I still have clothes on, too.

Did you look forward to being fingered early on, even with an inexperienced b/f, because at lease it was something happening sexual?
Yes.

And the last question, do you, or your partner touch yourself WHILE he's inside you to add to the moment and help bring about orgasm?
He does use his thumb on my clit if the position we are in allows him to reach, which I really enjoy. This has not fully brought about an orgasm yet, but I think it will happen at some point.


I suppose I have one more question. With guys, once we orgasm, sadly, we are pretty much done, or, we were when we were younger. But women, does an orgasm take the wind out of your sails? Once a man makes...er, helps you orgasm, do you continue because you want him to orgasm out of..... kindness/love, or because you genuinely still want to have sex?
It can be either of those for me, depending on the situation. I know that after I get off, with all the blood flow to the area, everything is super-sensitive, so many times I will masturbate on purpose before we have sex, because I find that it makes the sex even more enjoyable because everything is revved up down there.

This was not in any of your questions, but as a side note, I have noticed over the years that if a man is fingering me (or eating me, for that matter) I honestly get a little weirded out if he stares at me (eye-contact wise) a lot during it. My only explanation for this is that I kind of feel like a car that is being worked on by a mechanic - a little tweak here, and listen to the engine to see how it's working now... Like he's watching my face to see how he's doing. I feel like I am being put on the spot to "perform" even if I am not getting off on what's happening. I don't know if there are other women with this issue, but for me it can be unnerving. Something about my orgasm being a goal that he is trying to achieve makes me feel under pressure that I have to arrive at a destination so that he will be satisfied that he has "done good" rather than just enjoying the journey. I think because of this issue I would much prefer to give rather than receive in the bedroom.

 

[jennysimms]

Removed

 

[Insatiable4U]

....

I find that slow circular motions get the woman aroused quickly, but not to quickly to make her cum. Slow down and tease her...
I have a free finger at the moment.

 

[jmarx20102012]

Love when I finger a gal and she gently grabs my hand and moves me to where she needs me. Then slowly starts moving my finger in back and forth or circular direction that gets her off.

 

[jen_litgirl]

Love when I finger a gal and she gently grabs my hand and moves me to where she needs me. Then slowly starts moving my finger in back and forth or circular direction that gets her off.

This comment made for a great morning! Thanks!

I think that fingering is like anything else sexually, it all depends on the woman. I love, love, love being fingered but during sex it turns me off really quick if he uses a finger to rub my clit. It's weird.

I also find that a guy can get overly excited and then be too rough, in a mindless, unaware kind of way. Intentional roughness is hot...unaware fingers moving around can hurt. It's the same idea with a handjob, I think. A woman can have soft hands and really know what she's doing or she can be jack hammering your cock in a most uncomfortable way. It's all about paying attention and reading each others signs.