Lack of UFO News Bothers Area Man

[dr_mabeuse]

Really. I haven't heard a good UFO story in over a year now.

Have the Space Brothers abandoned us? Have they run out of navel probes? Has Cheney told them to lie low? Do they find our women too unattractive to abduct? (Did you know that in South America, the typical abductee is male, while in North America they're female?)

Who is covering up?

 

[Guest]

gimme a couple moments and ill construct a conspiracy theory for you. I have a squillion of them, its just a matter of accessing the data banks.

 

[impressive]

You must've missed this one, doc:

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2005/5/prweb243327.htm

MEDIA ALERT: Spaceships Will Appear Over Las Vegas On My Signal

For only 45 days, starting June 1st until July 15, 2005, Prophet Yahweh, Seer of Yahweh, will be calling down UFOs and spaceships for the news media to film and photograph. During this time, a spaceship will descend, on Prophet's signal, and sit in the skies over Las Vegas, Nevada for almost two days.

Las Vegas, NV (PRWEB) May 25, 2005 -- Prophet Yahweh was blessed to discover the lost, ancient art of summoning UFOs and spaceships on-demand.

There is a difference between UFOs and spaceships. UFOs are usually small flying objects: glowing orbs, metallic spheres, satellite-type flying machines, etc. And, their flight patterns suggest that they are not of this world.

But, spaceships are large futuristic vehicles that are clearly designed to carry passengers in like you see in the movies.

Since 1979, more than 1,500 UFOs and/or spaceships have appeared on Prophet Yahweh's signal before witnesses or at unawares.

During this time, he was performing his summons privately with only those close to him as witnesses.

But, starting June 1st until July 15th (45 days) Prophet is going public by opening up to the news media.

He will demonstrate his ability to call down UFOs and spaceships, on-demand, for them to film and photograph.

Prophet is in direct telephatic contact with his space being friends. They have revealed that they will send UFOs as soon as Prophet starts asking for them to appear.

Also, before the 45 day summoning period has ended, a spaceship will descend and sit in the skies over Las Vegas on Prophet's signal.

The spaceship will hover in the sky, not far from Nellis Air Force base, for almost two days. All Las Vegans will be able to see it, day and night, before it goes back up into space.

Some news media representatives won’t be able to come to Las Vegas to film the sightings. But, they would be interested in doing a story on Prophet’s ability to summon them.

Others would like to see videos of the UFOs, first, to determine if they are real, before coming.

Because of this, Prophet is giving the news media free access to the broadcasts area of his website where they can view his UFO videos.

Also, since some news media will not be able to come to Las Vegas, Prophet is willing to travel to any city to call down UFOs for them to document.

If your company would like to film or photograph UFOs and/or spaceships that appear on Prophet’s cue, email your request to him.

Afterwards, he will communicate with you concerning it and email you the login information you need to access the UFO videos in the Broadcast Area of his website.

For information: http://www.prophetyahweh.com or

Contact: e-mail protected from spam bots

Phone: 1-800-314-4847, 702-966-0303

Contact:
Prophet Yahweh
Seer of Yahweh/Ufologist
POB 271551
Las Vegas, Nevada 89127
Phone: 1-800-314-4847, 702-966-0303
http://www.prophetyahweh.com

 

[Guest]

it all boils down to chapstick.
petrolium based products controlled by those who have a heavy hand in the oil industry.
1) aliens are pissed off at us because we wont share the chapstick
2) aliens are in league with bush. the reason why gas is so high is because the aliens have siphoned off the reserve in retaliation for chapstick addiction, hence the need to drill in alaska. (this is where the aliens land because of sparse population)
3) aliens are sick to death of us and our need to wage war. we are vastly inferior and deserve all we bring upon us...as they speed away out of the galaxy, it can be heard the crystalline tear drops that fall in their wake. (they left a present of addictive chapstick...filling it with the milk of human kindness...)

go buy your favorite brand of chapstick... you might just save the world!

edited to add:
google 'alien news stories, chapstick'...425 results. i feel vindicated!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

You must've missed this one, doc:

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2005/5/prweb243327.htm

Yes! That's what I'm talking about!

I could live on a diet of this stuff!

Funny, but I was in a sexual role playing game that involved flying saucers in Las Vegas. Ahead of my time once again!

 

[carsonshepherd]

it's the queers. they're in it with the aliens. they're building landing strips for gay martians.

I swear to God.

 

[cloudy]

it all boils down to chapstick.
petrolium based products controlled by those who have a heavy hand in the oil industry.
1) aliens are pissed off at us because we wont share the chapstick
2) aliens are in league with bush. the reason why gas is so high is because the aliens have siphoned off the reserve in retaliation for chapstick addiction, hence the need to drill in alaska. (this is where the aliens land because of sparse population)
3) aliens are sick to death of us and our need to wage war. we are vastly inferior and deserve all we bring upon us...as they speed away out of the galaxy, it can be heard the crystalline tear drops that fall in their wake. (they left a present of addictive chapstick...filling it with the milk of human kindness...)

go buy your favorite brand of chapstick... you might just save the world!

edited to add:
google 'alien news stories, chapstick'...425 results. i feel vindicated!

I am SO with you.

Evil chapstick bastards!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

it all boils down to chapstick.
petrolium based products controlled by those who have a heavy hand in the oil industry.
1) aliens are pissed off at us because we wont share the chapstick
2) aliens are in league with bush. the reason why gas is so high is because the aliens have siphoned off the reserve in retaliation for chapstick addiction, hence the need to drill in alaska. (this is where the aliens land because of sparse population)
3) aliens are sick to death of us and our need to wage war. we are vastly inferior and deserve all we bring upon us...as they speed away out of the galaxy, it can be heard the crystalline tear drops that fall in their wake. (they left a present of addictive chapstick...filling it with the milk of human kindness...)

go buy your favorite brand of chapstick... you might just save the world!

edited to add:
google 'alien news stories, chapstick'...425 results. i feel vindicated!

There's only one flaw in their fiendish scheme--Aliens have no lips!

 

[Guest]

There's only one flaw in their fiendish scheme--Aliens have no lips!

Of coure not. What are you, daft? What did you thing they were using to lube the anal probes?

 

[impressive]

Of coure not. What are you, daft? What did you thing they were using to lube the anal probes?

Hope they watch out for the wax build-up! It's a bitch.

 

[Guest]

I think they've tuned in to CSPAN and concluded there is no intelligent life here.

 

[Samandiriel]

UFO's hover invisibly over Wal-mart and Target stores.

 

[Penelope Street]

Did you know that in South America, the typical abductee is male, while in North America they're female?

Ah! So this explains all the Spanish speaking men in my dreams.

 

[Guest]

Hope they watch out for the wax build-up! It's a bitch.

But helps relieve chafed ass.

 

[elsol]

With the advent of religiosity, the number of UFO sightings have dropped.

I mean ET would do a lot to disprove a whole bunch of our religious views. How long could 'Created in God's Image' last if every ET is smarter than us?

Be funny, if in terms of star systems we're retarded.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[rgraham666]

With the advent of religiosity, the number of UFO sightings have dropped.

I mean ET would do a lot to disprove a whole bunch of our religious views. How long could 'Created in God's Image' last if every ET is smarter than us?

Be funny, if in terms of star systems we're retarded.

Sincerely,
ElSol

As I've said before, I'm sure humanity provides hours of primetime comedy for the other folks out there.

Typical conversation around the methane cooler.

Zrblax: Did you see what the humans were up to last night?

Frdes: I did. Hilarious!

 

[oggbashan]

I have some UFO books left over when I closed my bookstore.

I'm just waiting for the next batch of UFO sightings to put the books on ebay and make a killing...

Og

 

[shereads]

it all boils down to chapstick.

What she said.

 

[shereads]

Local Woman has noticed an absence of Level Orange terrorism alerts, too.

Coincidence?

 

[shereads]

I have some UFO books left over when I closed my bookstore.

I'm just waiting for the next batch of UFO sightings to put the books on ebay and make a killing...

Og

Be careful, Og. An e-bay scofflaw has refused to pay after submitting the high bid for a piece of toasted bread with an image of the USA's recently infamous "runaway bride."

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/05/09/bread.auction.ap/



There's no denying the likeness:

 

[Liar]

Aliens have no lips!

Yes we have.

 

[shereads]

Don't be a victim

Alien Abduction Resistance Techniques
*¸*********Mental Struggle: Block their mind control
*¸*********Physical Struggle: Fight back
*¸*********Righteous Anger: Summon your inviolate rights
*¸*********Protective Rage: Guard your loved ones
*¸*********Support from Family Members: Seek strength in numbers
*¸*********Intuition: Sense them coming
*¸*********Metaphysical Methods: Create a personal shield
*¸*********Appeal to Spiritual Personages: Get help from on high
*¸*********Repellents: Use time-tested fend-off substances

~ Ann Druffel, How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction

Book Description - Amazon

In 1988 Ann Druffel, who has researched UFOs for 40 years, discovered a little-known fact that had been drowned in abduction hysteria--documented evidence that people have successfully fended off attack by the "greys," the short, big-eyed aliens now familiar through so much popular media. Using her database of 250 case studies, including 70 "resisters," Druffel has ascertained 9 techniques that witnesses use to ward off alien entities and even break off abductions in progress. And perhaps even more astonishing, this evidence points to the possible true identity of the greys and their link to the abducting entities of myth and folklore.

 

[Samandiriel]

Alien Abduction Resistance Techniques
*¸*********Mental Struggle: Block their mind control
*¸*********Physical Struggle: Fight back
*¸*********Righteous Anger: Summon your inviolate rights
*¸*********Protective Rage: Guard your loved ones
*¸*********Support from Family Members: Seek strength in numbers
*¸*********Intuition: Sense them coming
*¸*********Metaphysical Methods: Create a personal shield
*¸*********Appeal to Spiritual Personages: Get help from on high
*¸*********Repellents: Use time-tested fend-off substances

~ Ann Druffel, How to Defend Yourself Against Alien Abduction

Book Description - Amazon

In 1988 Ann Druffel, who has researched UFOs for 40 years, discovered a little-known fact that had been drowned in abduction hysteria--documented evidence that people have successfully fended off attack by the "greys," the short, big-eyed aliens now familiar through so much popular media. Using her database of 250 case studies, including 70 "resisters," Druffel has ascertained 9 techniques that witnesses use to ward off alien entities and even break off abductions in progress. And perhaps even more astonishing, this evidence points to the possible true identity of the greys and their link to the abducting entities of myth and folklore.

You are Ann Druffel.

 

[shereads]

Aliens have no lips!

Their nipples are their lips. And vice-versa.

 

[shereads]

You are Ann Druffel.

I wish! I want a list of those "repellant substances" but I'm not willing to spring for the book.

I'm guessing Cheese Whiz, motor oil and undercooked pork.