Labels

[fortheafterglow]

I've been considering labels a lot lately. Specifically how I labels myself. I understand the limitation of labeling anything (in any context) is that it will always be a generalization that glosses over the amazing complexities that define us as individuals...

...but that said, I've found that seeking to self label has it's benefits too. Any kind of introspection and self exploration is a good thing in my book and considering other people's ways of identifying themselves is one way I look at myself.

>>The following four questions are really meant as examples of things I question about myself rather than being something I really need outside input on. They are rhetorical questions. Feel free to comment on them if you can relate, but I just want to clarify that I don't need anyone other than me to define myself.<<

Should I identify as straight if I've only ever dated men? (I don't think so, I think having sex with women is enough to establish queer cred... but some might think otherwise?)

Should I identify as bi-sexual if I'm not interested in polyamory, like so many bisexuals seem to be? (Or is that just a stereotype?)

Is bi-sexual really a broad enough term, when I'm attracted to androgynous, gender queer and trans people too?

If in the sexual fantasies I have involving women, I imagine myself to be a man, does that effect my gender identity? (Even though I'm very happily a woman in my dress, traditional societal role and in my gratifying heterosexual sexual relationship?)

Anyway, despite having always considered myself a bi-sexual since I was old enough to ask myself who I'm attracted to, I lately find the label less than accurate. I was just wondering if other people struggle to define their sexuality and gender the way I do. And additionally, how important you think it is it to label yourself for your own sake, and/or for the sake of others (specifically potential mates.)

 

[Tetriak]

You're confused. That's for sure.

Identify yourself however you want - just don't expect anyone else to understand you.

Example:
Me: I can fly by flapping my arms.
Other: No you can't. No one can.
Me: Ah, well, I've changed the definition of flying, so that this IS flying.

No reasonable person would agree that I have invented a 'new sense' of flying, but rather that I have 'no sense' of the word at all.

Carry on.

 

[fortheafterglow]

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm confused. At least I'm not confused about who I am. I just don't think a single preexisting label applies to me. I just wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing I guess. I wonder if it will it effect my interpersonal relationships.

 

[Tetriak]

If you're not confused, then you already know the answer.

Unless of course you have an alternate, unsanctioned definition of confused up your sleeve.

---------
Re: Good thing vs Bad thing.

Here you've wandered into a moral argument. This is similar to, but separate from the initial question. For that you will never find universal remedy.

 

[2wet4words]

You're confused. That's for sure.

Identify yourself however you want - just don't expect anyone else to understand you.

Example:
Me: I can fly by flapping my arms.
Other: No you can't. No one can.
Me: Ah, well, I've changed the definition of flying, so that this IS flying.

No reasonable person would agree that I have invented a 'new sense' of flying, but rather that I have 'no sense' of the word at all.

Carry on.

extraordinarily well written and conceived.

labels are just what they purport to be- aggregate classifications determined by usage. i like sex with women. in my own mind, i dont care what the hell anyone calls me. im just me. Does my inner self change because of how others would classify me? Only if i care and i dont.

 

[fortheafterglow]

Does my inner self change because of how others would classify me? Only if i care and i dont.

I totally agree. I'm don't think labels change who a person is, they're just one means of expressing it.

Allow me to clarify that I'm not confused about what I like, or why I like it.

It does sometimes interest me how two seemingly incompatible parts of me can exist simultaneously (but I accept that they do.)

I suppose what I'm really asking is if anyone has that experience (living sanely with two seemingly conflicting portions of themselves.)

And furthermore if anyone else finds their sexuality and sexual identity too complicated to fit into a box. Like me, do they usually keep portions of themselves held back to avoid confusion and ridicule from their peers?

 

[Tetriak]

Is there a homosexual kind of person?

Geoffery Chaucer and Emily Dickenson both wrote poetry. [act of writing poetry]

As a result, both can be classified as poets. Poet is a kind of person, but it is immediately obvious to anyone who knows anything about these two 'poets' that it is not a particularly useful categorization because it is populated by such disparate characters. Furthermore, since the concept of poet wasn't really developed until the Romantic era, it is impossible for Chaucer to have concieved of himself as a poet.

How now, Brown Cow?

 

[fortheafterglow]

Is there a homosexual kind of person?

Geoffery Chaucer and Emily Dickenson both wrote poetry. [act of writing poetry]

As a result, both can be classified as poets. Poet is a kind of person, but it is immediately obvious to anyone who knows anything about these two 'poets' that it is not a particularly useful categorization because it is populated by such disparate characters. Furthermore, since the concept of poet wasn't really developed until the Romantic era, it is impossible for Chaucer to have concieved of himself as a poet.

How now, Brown Cow?

So then you agree with me that labels and classifications are over-generalizations that are at best imperfect. But you didn't address my real question: Do you, personally, feel frustrated by an inability to easily explain a part of yourself that has such a huge impact on your life? (Assuming that like me, sex and sexuality are a huge part of your life.)

Does an inability to clearly express the things that make up the unique person that is you ever make you feel distant from even those that are closest to you?

Those are the questions I'm asking. I'm not trying to challenge anyone. I'm just wondering if it could actually be possible that I'm the only person here that can't instantly say, "THIS is my label!" or "I don't need ANY label!"

 

[Tetriak]

So then you agree with me that labels and classifications are over-generalizations that are at best imperfect.

They are irremediably imperfect in perpetuity. That's their nature. Expecting something else from them is not going to help matters.

But you didn't address my real question: Do you, personally, feel frustrated by an inability to easily explain a part of yourself that has such a huge impact on your life? (Assuming that like me, sex and sexuality are a huge part of your life.)

I do not feel frustrated by this in the slightest.
Rage Against the Machine is a fantastic band, but not a great life plan.

Does an inability to clearly express the things that make up the unique person that is you ever make you feel distant from even those that are closest to you?

No. Nor do feel alienated by the inability of my screwdriver to drive nails.

Those are the questions I'm asking. I'm not trying to challenge anyone. I'm just wondering if it could actually be possible that I'm the only person here that can't instantly say, "THIS is my label!" or "I don't need ANY label!"

*waves hand like Obi Wan*
Perfect labels are not the answers you are looking for.

 

[fortheafterglow]

*waves hand like Obi Wan*
Perfect labels are not the answers you are looking for.

No, perfect labels are not what I'm looking for. I'm looking to find people that can relate to what I'm saying, so we might have a pleasant conversation about it. I'm not finding that, particularly not with you. So I suppose I'll look someplace else or some other time.

I hope you enjoy mocking many more a newcomer.

*Resigned sigh* I suppose I was being too optimistic thinking I'd find people to talk to that don't look at discussion as competition. I forfeit. You win the conversation.

 

[Tetriak]

No, perfect labels are not what I'm looking for. I'm looking to find people that can relate to what I'm saying, so we might have a pleasant conversation about it. I'm not finding that, particularly not with you. So I suppose I'll look someplace else or some other time.

I hope you enjoy mocking many more a newcomer.

*Resigned sigh* I suppose I was being too optimistic thinking I'd find people to talk to that don't look at discussion as competition. I forfeit. You win the conversation.

Technically, what I was hoping to accomplish was the dissolution of your topic of complaint. I assumed you would find this a happy occasion. Apparently, you would rather stew in your own juices and feel sorry for yourself. I apologize for misreading the situation.

I am endlessly amused when someone surrenders what I never assumed was a competition. Nevertheless, I shall nail your mangy, lice infested pelt to my wall, as a warning to others.

Carry on. :caning:

 

[RyeandGingerAyle]

Hoping to avoid hurtful conflict

that seems to be going on here today, my own input to your topic is that I feel absolutely no need to fit my sexuality into a box with one or more labels. I recognize there are many who do need that, and goodonthem, but I don't see the point. I remember being at a swingers' house party once, where the host as an icebreaker invited assembled guests to introduce themselves. Most people said something like "My name is Bob, and I'm straight". As I heard folks doing that, I wondered why they felt the need to enclose their sexuality, to box out what they would or would not do. Surely one would be open to new experiences if circumstances lead to that, wouldn't they? I found myself odd man out, and as soon as I stated that I didn't want to label myself I was attacked by a man, whom I barely knew (no pun intended), for being "bi" but afraid to come clean about it (again, no pun intended).

The way I see it, the only labels I accept are "married, father, male, human being" and perhaps a few more that are indisputable. Otherwise I refuse to limit myself to labels that restrict my behaviour to within limits I'd rather be free to disregard.

Does that make any sense?

 

[Etoile]

I like labels because they make it easier to communicate with people.

Is bi-sexual really a broad enough term, when I'm attracted to androgynous, gender queer and trans people too?

You might try pansexual or omnisexual for that.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Wow. Having just stumbled acrosss this, I'm almost shocked to see the fervor with which the O.P.'s questions / concerns/ issues were mocked. I share much of the uncertainty that goes along with being unable to satisfactorily define myself with "labels" commonly in use; not that it matters. Very witty responses were made here, and wonderful analogies- mostly irrelevant though.