L wants to a man for a change- NC

[foxymoron]

Lez wants a man for a change- NC

Was a hardcore lesbian for many years until I met an incredible man. He turned my life around, mostly against my will. No sex was involved in our relationship, but I can honestly say I wanted him badly. I'm not hetero but my nostalgia and curiousity are piqued. Would like to know what it's like to be with a man who loves women as much as he did.

I'm not talking about men who love to control, beat or degrade women. I'm talking about a man who believes women have intelligence, logic and reason. He believes that women are naturally and divinely blessed with gifts of art, beauty and strength. He sees an equal in and out of the bedroom.

I want a man who can make love to a women like a woman loves another. No bravado, no silly feats of pornographic proportion, no divide and conquer mentalities. Build the passion with tender, needful skill. Know her mind and body. Follow the goosebumps with hot kisses and a long slow caress until her sensitivity is diminished. Then, when the time is right, switch gears, increase the tempearture, make her come not once but all night.

I'm a fiercely intense Scorpio. I'm not afraid of sex with men, just don't want to be disappointed or waste my time babysitting my lover. Am willing to learn new ways of making love. Am willing to learn how he thinks and what makes him a better lover. Am willing to try a new experience.

An older man of perhaps 38-44, professional, highly intelligent, patron of tha arts, and disease free are qualities that I think would make me more inclined to him seriously.

If you have an inclination and are confident that you understand my needs and can meet my requirements then I encourage you to reply.

 

[foxymoron]

Re: An answer to your query
What an amazing response! I swear I never thought I'd receive a reply like yours so quickly. Hmmm... what a day!

Frankly, I am very surprised, just as you stated, that there are men who are looking for the same thing I am. I work in an ultra-masculine environment and am so terribly unhappy. They see me as an instrument for their entertainment or work. I get sick when I hear their conversations about the women in their lives. They treat me as if I should be grateful that I'm allowed to read. Still, without me, the whole unit would die. It's no wonder that I've been gay for nearly 13 years.

But I met a gay man over a year ago. Our relationship was comically bizarre from any angle your looked at it. I'll write about it, one day perhaps. He quickly gained my trust and admiration. We did everything a loving married couple does except for the obvious.

Now that he's gone, I miss him. The last 6 months have been an exercise in reassessing my real wants and desires in the parnter of my life. Gender seems so futile and insignificant.

Are there really men out there who want a woman who is their equal or more? If a woman were to say, "I was a union carpenter for 7 years before I enlisted in the Army as a Broadcast Engineer for the Green Berets. I'm currently pursuing my second degree in Alternative Energy Technologies and Physics from Duke University," would he freak out and run the other way or would he try to reign her in and keep her at home? The third option being, would he recognize her passion for life and adventure and encourage her to excel without his own masculinity feeling threatened?

Are there any men out there who know that laundry doesn't care about the gender of the laundrerer? Or that your best friend always comes first because she is the one who takes care of you and yours? Do they understand the difference between wife and slave is the same difference between service and servitude?

Why can't respect and attention come from a genderless perspective?

I'm sorry if I frighten you, it's not my intention. I don't want a meaningless relationship built around assuaging an underdeveloped personality. Sometimes I come on too strong in order to help me identify those who can handle a strong woman and those who can help me find what I'm looking for. I call it Roosevelt Diplomacy. More often than not, it works.

Thanks for your kind words. As you can see, you obviously got me thinking.

FoxyMoron



quote:
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NameDeleted wrote on 10-20-2004 11:25 AM:
I hope you dont mind my choosing this method of response to your query.

First of all I am NOT answering this with the intent to meet you or to get ANYTHING from you.

I am responding because I thought your posting was very honest and open and deserved some positive acknowledgement and perhaps some insight.

You would be very suprized just home many men want just what you are asking for. Men and women are no different when it comes to wanting love respect and intimacy.

Some men of course have antiquated notions of masculinity and either think women want a dominate man or they themselves have small egos and feel the need to be superior in order to feel adequate.

Others appreciate the strengths and passions that a secure self confident woman offers. These men will:
1. Take the time to get to know you before wanting to take you to bed.
2. Will ask your opinions on a myriad of things that matter in their life.
3. Accept you for what and who you are, even when you disagree and.....
4. Will expect the same.

As to your past sexual preference, many men may feel intimidated by the perception that "only a woman truly knows how to make love to a woman".

If you find this man you are looking for be patient and explain to him that you have been with women, but that you now wish to be with him and that his attitude is more important to you than his technique and that he offers something that you want in your life that hasnt been there before.

Dont be afraid to tell him what pleases you in bed and what doesnt. My guess is he will do everything in his power to make you happy.

Good luck,

 

[biginaz]

Foxy, I just sent you a PM. Hope to hear from you!

 

[Baljourn]

Thanks for your open and honest post. I'm a male 44 years old. I've never been intimidated by a self-confident woman. Too often, men can be extreme asses in denying the value that a good woman brings to any relationship. I've fully believed that behind every good man is a GOOD woman. They so much complement each other and with the proper love and attention, I believe can make you a very happy woman.

Just my 2 cents worth.....I wish you the best and hope everything goes well for you.


Rob

 

[foxymoron]

I appreciate the kind sentiments and of course, the overt pm was also wonderful.

Gentlemen, is there some insight you can share with me to help me identify when a man is confident in his own masculinity? Is there such a thing as un-threatened cofidence?

I know it's a loaded question but, in truth, I keep hearing about how I should find a man who is self-confident and self-assured. Um... HELLO... most of them are self-confident and assured in their masculinity and the ones who want to get close to me want to snuff out the very thing that attracts them to me in the first place. Should I looking for something else, some other characteristic in him, that lets me know that I can grow and mature as the person I'm supposed to be?

I need a more honest insight because lately, for a lesbian, I've had more man-problems than I can handle. What are they thinking?

I never had that problem with the women in my life. They always encouraged me to excel, to achieve, as I did them. Our competitions weren't designed to hold each other back but to propel us forward.

Remember that stupid commercial from the 80's? It was for Enjoli, the women's perfume. Remember the jingle? I can bring home the bacon... fry it up in a pan....and never let you forget you're a man... cuz I'm a woman... Enjoli.

Is there a masculine form of this song?

 

[mrguitarmn]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest something that I believe may be true in some men. Some may seem self-confident but if they are snuffing out the very thing that attracted you to them, then maybe they aren't as self-confident as they wish they were.

Could this be a possibility?

I'm very naive to the Homosexual culture and lifestyle. I'm not trying to give you a catch-all answer or anything. And I'm definetly not trying to put down men but, sometimes men say and do things to pump up their own self-image. It's an insecurity thing. A defense mechanism if you will.

If I'm way off here just ignore my response.
just trying to help

 

[foxymoron]

I appreciate the insight as it does give me a change of perspective.

It's funny that you mention your naivte' regarding the homosexual culture. Even as a lesbian, I have no sense of what Will is thinking. I hazard to guess that he's a man first and a homo second. On both counts, I'm still clueless.

It's just that I have always been good at reading people. It helps me in my job tremendously. But with him, my sense of reason and intuition is thrown off.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

It's quite possible that you may be looking in the wrong places for that relaxed confidence that you seem to seek.
The military is one place you probably won't find it. There it has to be proved all the time. And younger guys still try to prove themselves.
Possibly an older man that doesn't really care about proving things anymore would be more what you're looking for.

 

[mrguitarmn]

Glad to be of help

I just didn't want you to see me as this know it all hetero who has no experience or knowledge of Lesbians.

Hope thins work out for you.

 

[foxymoron]

The military is full of bullshit bravado and insecure men? No shit?

You know, I've worked with many Ops groups and I've never seen the bravado or insecurity.

I see grow men complaining like little bitches because their wives forgot to pack their shaving cream. I see men go out drinking with their battle buddies, drinking til they puke, just so they have an excuse to hug and touch each other carelessly <wink wink>. "Whoops, Bob, I thought you were a woman. I didn't mean to stick my dick in your ass."

I see men approach me with suspicion in their eyes because of my gender and intelligence. It matters not that I speak better English than they do or that I've served in 3 different units ranging from SATCOM, to PSYOP and TRADOC. It doesn't matter that I was a union carpenter/welder for many years before I joined the ranks. I see no insecurity in their eyes when they take their orders from my hands. And I'm not even a fucking officer!

Nor does it matter that when there's a problem; someone needs to call home, someone's paycheck is off, someone is losing their cool and feeling suicidal; they come to me- not the Chaplain, not the NCOIC, and certainly not the shrink.

Are they all like that? Yes, to some degree, yes they are. Thankfully, some of them will say thank you. Some have even come around to join me for lunch. On occassion, I'll scare up a pack of cigarettes and play cards with them. They fancy themsleves heroes for acknowledging me. But should the time ever come for a choice to be made as to who will live and who can be sacrificed... guess who it'll be.

So if it seems like I'm skittish about being with a man after all these years, there's good reason for it. Still, knowing that I'm surrounded by a bizarre circle of testosterone doesn't entirely blind me to the hope that there is an amazing person out there waiting for someone like me.

 

[foxymoron]

Ahem, there seems to be some confusion here and I apologize deeply.

Apparently, I have mistakenly projected that I haven't had sex with a man. THIS NOT TRUE!

You should see me laughing my ass off. This is really ludicrous. <sigh>

Let me put it bluntly. If I wanted a cock, I would have no problem getting a cock. They're a dime a dozen and most of them are young and competitive. I'm not ugly or fat and I no longer look like a dyke. All things considered, I'm very marketable.

However, I don't want mediocrity. I've already had three mediocre relationships with both and women. It's time to reel in the big one. I have a taste for the finer things in life and I've been lucky enough to have been pleasured by an incredible one night stand. He had exactly what I was looking for except for a repeat performance.

One man was enough to have me rethink the value of the dick. Is one more man enough to have me completely satisfied?

No, I am not a virgin in any sense of the word. Quit sending me silly dick pictures! Halloween is next week.

 

[foxymoron]

Clarification number two:

I still love women. I still can a mental hard-on for the female form and internal dynamics. However, considering the limits and constraints of my life, at the moment, I have to play it straight for a while. If I'm going to do that, I might as well find the best that I can.

The ratio of men to women here is like 22:1. You would think that lesbians would be in abundance, but they're not. Those that are lesbian are much younger. Those my age are scarce. Of that small pool of potential women partners, the chances of finding a lovely, like minded woman are definitely not in my favor.

Now, if I accept my odds of getting laid properly and add men into the equation, the odds turn in my favor, yes? Being outnumbered by men 22 to 1 may be a blessing for some women, but I'm not in a big hurry just yet, but I'm getting there.

Have I mentioned that I prefer the 28-40 crowd? Most of the men around here are college age and, in all honesty, they're not ready for a woman like me. So, I'm kind of stuck. Either I go out and find my own guy or wait for fate to drop him in my lap. Since Will isn't going to through for me, I'm on my own to find sexual gratification.

Does that clarify things for you?

 

[Jaded1]

Well, Foxy...

If you ever find yourself roaming in the New England area give me a shout...