Know Me By Mine Iron Tread

[The Huntsman]

Good evening.
I wrote this poem a few years ago, when I was nineteen.
It has an angry tone, unduly angry, born of confusion and feelings of impotence. It is ripe with a false-conceit.

This poem is a complete delusion.
It is an ego-centric, self-indulgent mantra. It re-affirms vindictive thoughts, it projects self-loathing onto the external world. It perceives a purpose-filled animosity, from an utterly objective Universe. The final "he" is not G*d, if there is any question. I don't believe that G*d is a man.

An alternate title was "Narcystic."

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46955

Enjoy!

Ihmara

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm 19 myself now, so I guess I'm uniquely qualified to comment on it

This one actually reminds me of something I wrote when I was ...huh... 17, I guess, but mine was more like a 4 page ode to self done without the mastery you display here... Trust me, «The End», as I called it, will not be seeing the light of day anytime soon without some heavy re-writting!

I can tell you there are some very powerful images displayed in "Know Me By Mine Iron Tread", but what I enjoyed the most was the rhythm of it all, very stern and resilient, conveying your message as strongly as the words themselves, like a drumming heartbeat. Very nice. In fact, that's also what disturbed me. The end lacked that strengh, the rhythm got lost in the second half of the last stanza and it became little more than hollow words.

Such a shame...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

...and it was good to know where your nickname came from...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

a tip for a fellow Tolkien lover

just one more thing:

I saw on your profile that you're a student of english literature and a fan of mr. J.R.R. Tolkien (as myself). Just wanted do tell you to be careful, you can never truly understand the extent of mr. Tolkien's work until you read "The Kalevela". It is been said he learned finnish with the sole purpose of reading this book, and used it as the main source of inspiration in all the "Silmarillion" mythology. I'm checking this for myself... I'm learning finnish (not because of this of course!), reading "The Kalevala" and finding some very disturbing similitudes... Doesn't make mr. Tolkien less of a genius, quite the opposite, in my opinion...

 

[The Huntsman]

aha

Thank you!
I will consider the ending again. Do you think that there is a "safe" point that I can stop at?
Please, do suggest.

As to Tolkien:
I have devoured everything by Tolkien, and I have immersed myself in the texts that inspired him.
Indeed, I have read the Kalevala, and was exposed to some other work in a Medieval Studies course last semester.
In regard to the Tale of Túrin, I believe that Tolkien did something spectacular with the tension of brother and sister marrying. Ah, it moves my heart!
A Túrin turambar turun ambartanen!
I know we are dangerously digressing here, but allow me to point you to some Hebraic connections: dig up some information on the legendary "Golem" or "Goylem," and then weigh this against the "accidental" nick-naming of Sméagol as "Gollum."

hantalyën,

El Cazador

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Hey, how about that, i'm losing my virginity with you!

In my opinion, you don't need a safe point. I'd just avoid that repetition of verses in the end and be done with it...

I really thought it was great.

As to Gollum, there is no need to research. I'm well aware of it for many years... It's good to finally find a Tolkien person that knows what the hell we're talking about!

(If you forgot it, The Huntsman in portuguese is O Caçador)

 

[Lauren Hynde]

This is so cool: I'm experienced now! WOW

 

[The Huntsman]

thanks again

Alas! I speak Spanish, but not Portuguese!

I am pleased that the Golem/Gollum is known to you! That is most refreshing.

But each good answer creates a new question.
Have you studied The Hobbit, to any extent?
Last semester, I was performing an analysis of the many Flood Myths, how the Myth changes over the centuries and amongst cultures, and what the symbolic representation of the Ark might hold for us today.
What I really got excited about was the correlation between the Ark as the Deliverance of the Hero, and the mighty jewel - the Arkenstone - at the heart of Smaug's hoard.
I began to see a beautiful revision of the "Ark-in-Stone," and how Bilbo's generosity delivers the free people's just in time.
I went even further, speculating that perhaps the Arkenstone was the *very* jewel that had fallen out of Smaug's encrusted breast. And I saw also an interesting use of the Raven and the Dove (thrush in the Hobbit) - two birds that appear in Noah's tale.

In any event, perhaps we should continue this in private message, so as not to bog the forum?

Ihmara

 

[smithpeter]

my concern is what has its gots in its pockets

 

[Lauren Hynde]

my concern is what has its gots in its pockets

???

 

[The Huntsman]

why, a Golden Ring, of course

Lauren,
I have a poem titled "Télos," that concerns the End, as well. I hope to have it posted in the next few days.

Anyhow, it might be interesting to read that four-page Ode to Self. Or at least portions of it. And perhaps you could chop it up and devise several poems from the ashes of the old fire bird, eh?

This is the final stanza: I cut the final repetition down, to see how it works. Does this help? Or is this simply a re-arranging of chairs on the Titanic?

"There’s only one thing that you know,
you’re all a part of Passion’s show,
and I decide what you can hear,
and I decide what you can know,
and I decide what you can bear,
I ounce out pain-filled blow by blow.
You heard me,
I’m the only way,
he’s let me be the only way."

Ihmara

"Oh, why can't you see, what you're doing to me?
I know you'll love this so much, baby." - Tool - added Elvis lyric, Stinkfist.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

"There’s only one thing that you know,
you’re all a part of Passion’s show,
and I decide what you can hear,
and I decide what you can know,
and I decide what you can bear,
I ounce out pain-filled blow by blow.
You heard me,
I’m the only way,
he’s let me be the only way."

Yes, Huntsman, I think it's much better now. I wouldn't touch it anymore. I really don't think one should mess with one's early work much. Let it stand as a witness of times passed.

That's also why I don't know if I should do anything at all with «The End», I don't really believe in it anymore (did I ever?), it's in portuguese, which would force me to addicional translation effords and it all makes me think of the words of Adolf Loos in Ornament und Verbrechen (Ornament and Crime).