Kitten's Peoms ^_^ FeedBack is always nice...Hope you all Enjoy <3

[Olenia]

Minds entangled in the night.
Hearts racing.
Fingers touching.
Time to release the animals within.
Breathing heavy.
Fingers touching every inch of my body.
Looking deep into your eyes.
Windows steam up in the cold air.
My skin ever so soft against you.
Lost in your touch.
Feeling the warmth.
Sweat drips from our skin.
Holding you close.
Never wanting this night to end.

(( Short poem I wrote, I have to work on more in this style ))

 

[cutestguy]

Minds entangled in the night.
Hearts racing.
Fingers touching.
Time to release the animals within.
Breathing heavy.
Fingers touching every inch of my body.
Looking deep into your eyes.
Windows steam up in the cold air.
My skin ever so soft against you.
Lost in your touch.
Feeling the warmth.
Sweat drips from our skin.
Holding you close.
Never wanting this night to end.

(( Short poem I wrote, I have to work on more in this style ))

Ms Olenia

You have done a good work by jotting a short poem here. Now, just read the following.

Editing your poem without your permission.


It's another night
And my entangled mind.
And my heart is racing.
On to you fingers touching.
Feels it is the time
To release the animals within.
Breathing heavy.
Shivering body
Looking deep into your eyes.
Can feel how my heart beats
Fog covers the cold windows
I can feel the heat inside.
My skin ever so soft against you.
The touch, iam lost in you.
Feeling the warmth.
Through my body our Sweat drops.
Holding you close, our bodies bend.
Never wanting this night to end.


This is just a remake or another view of your poem. Im not a good poet but thought about a bit of editing on the way.....

Hope you dont mind it and if you didnt like, please let me know.

 

[Olenia]

Ms Olenia

You have done a good work by jotting a short poem here. Now, just read the following.

Editing your poem without your permission.


It's another night
And my entangled mind.
And my heart is racing.
On to you fingers touching.
Feels it is the time
To release the animals within.
Breathing heavy.
Shivering body
Looking deep into your eyes.
Can feel how my heart beats
Fog covers the cold windows
I can feel the heat inside.
My skin ever so soft against you.
The touch, iam lost in you.
Feeling the warmth.
Through my body our Sweat drops.
Holding you close, our bodies bend.
Never wanting this night to end.


This is just a remake or another view of your poem. Im not a good poet but thought about a bit of editing on the way.....

Hope you dont mind it and if you didnt like, please let me know.

I like your view on it, ^_^ Always nice to see what other people can do with my work <3
Though I always write short like this...I like the people who are reading it to use their own minds to try and make up the rest of the story * Winks *

 

[butters]

Minds entangled in the night.
Hearts racing.
Fingers touching.
Time to release the animals within.
Breathing heavy.
Fingers touching every inch of my body.
Looking deep into your eyes.
Windows steam up in the cold air.
My skin ever so soft against you.
Lost in your touch.
Feeling the warmth.
Sweat drips from our skin.
Holding you close.
Never wanting this night to end.

(( Short poem I wrote, I have to work on more in this style ))

I liked your phrases Time to release the animals and Lost in your touch, and I can easily visualise the windows steaming up. Personally, I'd like to read more lines like the two I just quoted, to do justice to the sensibilities of the piece. Not sure if you've posted here before, but welcome

Why did you choose to use so many periods, Olenia? Using the punctuation the way you have makes the reading of it a choppy affair rather than a sensuous slide through what ought to be erotic activity. It's ok to allow the line-breaks to act as pauses for the writing much of the time.