Kiss Off Letters

[impressive]

I sent dearest mat the following recommendations for the missive she is in the process of penning. What would YOU write?

I won’t be back. Your loss. Bye.

I’m jumping ship because you’re a vicious, inept twat and I simply cannot bear to share the air I breathe with you for another moment. Life’s too damned short and I intend to enjoy it to the fullest rather than work my ass off for an unappreciative bureaucracy. May yeast infections plague you incessantly from this day forth.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Unprofessional conduct will always bite you in the ass. The high road - honest and to the point - is always appropriate and nothing hurts more than the truth

 

[rgraham666]

Always wanted to do this one.

Dear Sir,

I'm leaving your employ as I have no wish for my picture to appear on the front page of the papers under the headline Madman Kills Boss And 14 Co-Workers!

Sincerely,
rgraham666

 

[Guest]

To whom it may concern:

There are times in one's life that a person must stop and ask themselves the hard questions. These times appear differently for each individual and at different stages of life. When the questions are asked the answers no matter how easy or how difficult they are must be heeded because this is that proverbial fork in the road. The easier way may look so very enticing but it's the hard road the one that maybe alittle darker or even unable to be seen after a few inches that must be taken. With the dawning of this revelation also comes the hard truths about the people and beings around that person.

I could sit here and expound upon the misdeeds and misconducts of those that I worked with or for. I could sit in judgement of them and cast disparaging remarks upon them. I could stand at the top of the highest mountain and scream out the unjustices at the top of my lungs. However, what purpose does that serve? When all is said and done, you have made your decisions and in doing so forced the coming of my time of decisions.

I was hestitant and upset about my time coming. I was angry that I had to choose and had to make decisions. However, how looking back at the last couple of weeks I truly wish to thank you. If you had not performed in the way that you had, I would not now be free and happy. I would not be poised on the brink of living this part of my life with wonder, awe, and a love of myself and those around me.

So in parting, thank you very much for being all that you are and for believing what you did. Without you I would still be standing at the fork in the road trying to make a decision.

Sincerely,
*********

 

[matriarch]

To whom it may concern:

There are times in one's life that a person must stop and ask themselves the hard questions. These times appear differently for each individual and at different stages of life. When the questions are asked the answers no matter how easy or how difficult they are must be heeded because this is that proverbial fork in the road. The easier way may look so very enticing but it's the hard road the one that maybe alittle darker or even unable to be seen after a few inches that must be taken. With the dawning of this revelation also comes the hard truths about the people and beings around that person.

I could sit here and expound upon the misdeeds and misconducts of those that I worked with or for. I could sit in judgement of them and cast disparaging remarks upon them. I could stand at the top of the highest mountain and scream out the unjustices at the top of my lungs. However, what purpose does that serve? When all is said and done, you have made your decisions and in doing so forced the coming of my time of decisions.

I was hestitant and upset about my time coming. I was angry that I had to choose and had to make decisions. However, how looking back at the last couple of weeks I truly wish to thank you. If you had not performed in the way that you had, I would not now be free and happy. I would not be poised on the brink of living this part of my life with wonder, awe, and a love of myself and those around me.

So in parting, thank you very much for being all that you are and for believing what you did. Without you I would still be standing at the fork in the road trying to make a decision.

Sincerely,
*********

I love this one. It so truly says it all for me.

But its still way too polite for what I really want to say.

They are so bogged down with rules and regulations, they just find it impossible to see that in the whole scheme of things, with what's going on in the world at the moment, their pettiness is totally irrelevant.

I want no part of it any longer.
I'm gone.

 

[impressive]

To whom it may concern:

There are times in one's life that a person must stop and ask themselves the hard questions. These times appear differently for each individual and at different stages of life. When the questions are asked the answers no matter how easy or how difficult they are must be heeded because this is that proverbial fork in the road. The easier way may look so very enticing but it's the hard road the one that maybe alittle darker or even unable to be seen after a few inches that must be taken. With the dawning of this revelation also comes the hard truths about the people and beings around that person.

I could sit here and expound upon the misdeeds and misconducts of those that I worked with or for. I could sit in judgement of them and cast disparaging remarks upon them. I could stand at the top of the highest mountain and scream out the unjustices at the top of my lungs. However, what purpose does that serve? When all is said and done, you have made your decisions and in doing so forced the coming of my time of decisions.

I was hestitant and upset about my time coming. I was angry that I had to choose and had to make decisions. However, how looking back at the last couple of weeks I truly wish to thank you. If you had not performed in the way that you had, I would not now be free and happy. I would not be poised on the brink of living this part of my life with wonder, awe, and a love of myself and those around me.

So in parting, thank you very much for being all that you are and for believing what you did. Without you I would still be standing at the fork in the road trying to make a decision.

Sincerely,
*********

Ooooooooo ... nothing will piss them off more than THANKING THEM for being assholes! I love this.

 

[oggbashan]

Another draft

"I do not regret that your insistence on making a major issue out of a minor matter has made me reconsider the direction of my life.

I have decided that I have no future in your organisation. I resign with immediate effect.

I hope that my decision will cause you to consider whether the organisation is a people-friendly as it claims to be or whether it is in fact totally divorced from the reality of providing adequate services to its customers while retaining the skills and nurturing the futures of its staff. Recent events have demonstrated to me that the latter is the real situation and I am unwilling to continue to be a part of the charade.

I doubt that this letter will have any effect whatever on the workings of the organisation. If it could have changed things, I wouldn't have had to write it."

Og

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Unprofessional conduct will always bite you in the ass. The high road - honest and to the point - is always appropriate and nothing hurts more than the truth

The person who hasn't been screwed over at work is a person who's never had a job. I don't know the details of Mat's situation, but by and large, Carson's right. Even if they were all assholes, telling them now isn't going to convince them of anything except that they made the right decision in letting you go, and no one reads a resignation letter anyhow, so all those celever phrases are just a waste of time.

Keep your dignity. It's the one thing that can't take away from you.

--Zoot

 

[oggbashan]

Ps

Whatever Mat writes, she should remember that she might need a reference from these assholes.

Og

 

[Guest]

I had to swallow alot when things went to hell at my last job. It wasn't me nor was it my fault but ugh did I pay for it in spades.

I tend to like the high road... the one that when all is said and done I am standing and looking around me and know that I did not do anything that provoked this mess into being.

 

[TheEarl]

Ooooooooo ... nothing will piss them off more than THANKING THEM for being assholes! I love this.

They won't get it. They'll think you're being serious.

The Earl

 

[R. Richard]

In my time I have had to write a few letters of resignation. If I may say, said letters were masterpieces of obfuscation. I always resigned to pursue very attractive technical/professional challenges, with sadness in my heart that I had to leave people I enjoyed working with. However, said technical/professional challenges and a nice increase in my emolument mandated that I pursue a different path.

OK, I had to fight the gag reflex as I wrote the letters. However, when the letters were later reviewed, after the political house of cards from which I had defected collapsed, I was free from any blame or stain. The people who gave me hateful "recommendations" were then looked upon as vengeful types who used their positions inappropriately.

Best of all, when one of my ex-managers was beaten into the ground by representatives of a gambling organization to which he had written an NSF check, his accusations against me were judged to have no basis, even before they discovered that I didn't do it, the Lady Luck Casino did it.

 

[matriarch]

The person who hasn't been screwed over at work is a person who's never had a job. I don't know the details of Mat's situation, but by and large, Carson's right. Even if they were all assholes, telling them now isn't going to convince them of anything except that they made the right decision in letting you go, and no one reads a resignation letter anyhow, so all those celever phrases are just a waste of time.

Keep your dignity. It's the one thing that can't take away from you.

--Zoot

I agree Doc, I have no intention of being rude in my letter. It is polite, I am unable to be any other way. Polite and to the point. Untenable position, no choice but for me to go. I'm sure you'll manage to cope without me.

I have no intention of ever going back to them cap in hand, and although I agree with Ogg's note about future references, if I can in any way avoid having to use them as a reference, I will do so. The fact that I don't intend to look for a job for another 12 months, might stand me in good stead.

Anyway, the deed is done. I feel very happy about not going back, just want to end it all as painlessly as possible.

 

[impressive]

Wow! Y'all are ENTIRELY too serious. I didn't mean to gather REAL, like, advice 'nd shit, y'know?

Let loose! What WOULD you say if you didn't have to worry about, like, burning bridges 'nd shit?

 

[elsol]

*burp*

Dear Sir:

Thank you for the opportunity to work for you. I learned a tremendous amount about the person I want to be and the environment I want to work for.

Unfortunately, I've received an offer much more in line with those criteria.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[elsol]

Wow! Y'all are ENTIRELY too serious. I didn't mean to gather REAL, like, advice 'nd shit, y'know?

Let loose! What WOULD you say if you didn't have to worry about, like, burning bridges 'nd shit?

*shrug*

I've always liked my bosses.

It's work... nothing personal.

But the military will do that to you... it puts things in perspective.

"My boss is a fucking incompetent asshole who doesn't know his head from his ass and likes to steal all the credit for my work... but then again, I'm not guarding an empty field at 3 o'clock in the morning in Alaska during a fucking snowstorm with my balls so far up my body cavity from -20 degree weather that I now know what my own scrotum tastes like."

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[matriarch]

Wow! Y'all are ENTIRELY too serious. I didn't mean to gather REAL, like, advice 'nd shit, y'know?

Let loose! What WOULD you say if you didn't have to worry about, like, burning bridges 'nd shit?

Indeed. Much too serious for what is for me a wonderful feeling of freedom.

I still love your first one.

Awesome in its pertinent brevity.

 

[Samandiriel]

I would toss in a few...

"you pretentious egotistical bastards..."

"Function without your heads up your ass..."

"If I had teleknesis(sp) you would burst into flames..."

"....until they shrivel up and fall off..."

 

[TheEarl]

I still love the one that Scott Adams wrote about when someone had a 'word of the day' calendar and told his boss that he couldn't work under an acephalous management structure. His boss told him that that was why he was the boss and this guy wasn't. <snort>

I'd prefer writing a diary to the boss's boss of all the shit you had to put up with.

The Earl

 

[simply_cyn]

Fortunately , I've never had to say "fuck off" to any job that I've had although being a school teacher, there are tons of times I've wanted to say that to some parents.

Rather, for me, is having to say "fuck off" to someone that I used to call friend and still, I've never come out and said "fuck off" but I have thought "fuck this shit" and just simply walked away when I've wanted to scream and rant and rave and go on about the injustices that were done by someone you trusted and loved. But that's a whole other thread, huh?

 

[impressive]

I walked from one job. I did the I.T. stuff and managed the networks for a department of about 200 at Wright-Patterson AFB. I was 7-months pregnant and trying to make arrangements to telecommute part-time once my maternity leave expired so that I would not have to hand off my newborn to strangers until he was at least 6 months old. They were just NOT cooperative.

So, when incentives for early retirement were announced as part of a RIF, I jumped on it. Boy, were they ever surprised!

I didn't, however, write any letters. I just signed my name on the sign-up sheet and didn't say a word.

 

[Liar]

Dear Sir,

This morning I sat down and started writing my resignation note. I wanted to be thorough and make a complete list of all the aspects of the job, the management and the working environment that have driven me to this desicion.

I had to stop, because the massive negative charge of the list caused severe subatomic imbalances in the notion web, thus materializing a singularity of fuckup, creating a black hole that swallowed the paper the list was written on, a sizeable portion of the desk, a cup of Lady Grey, a Pez dispenser and my fucking iPod.

I'll send you the bill later. Bye.

 

[minsue]

Dear Sir,

This morning I sat down and started writing my resignation note. I wanted to be thorough and make a complete list of all the aspects of the job, the management and the working environment that have driven me to this desicion.

I had to stop, because the massive negative charge of the list caused severe subatomic imbalances in the notion web, thus materializing a singularity of fuckup, creating a black hole that swallowed the paper the list was written on, a sizeable portion of the desk, a cup of Lady Grey, a Pez dispenser and my fucking iPod.

I'll send you the bill later. Bye.

PMSL!

 

[Guest]

Bossman
by vella_ms ©

Tuesday,
four more days of drudgery
Inventing red tape projects
Amazing how it binds!
I sneer at you, Mr. Bossman
with your purple tie … your mix and match wardrobe.

Saunter in
wrapped up in your holier than thou attitude
but in the end...
it wont matter where you place that next park
or where you plan the next single family home.
The trees will weep when you cut them down
and the rivers will flow, torrents of shame.
Nature is
gagging on your Self Righteous attitude.

You are insignificant
in the scheme of things.
Yet you fill your head with images of grandeur.
Choke on your polyester-silken tongue
but only after you’ve signed my pay check.


Your shining hushpuppies slap a staccato rhythm
against the thick pile carpet,
geek personified.

You pretend a sense of humor
a thought for human kind
I watch.
I see.
Do you feel my gaze burning into your shaved hairline?
Can you taste my disdain?

Your arrogance knows no bounds
And your youth shines through…
flippantly barking orders
with your smooth baritone.

You think you invented cool?
Hip?
We are
suck ups and brown nosers
myself included
until I find another way.
So until that day,
until my moment of escape,
you are the hip daddy
wailing on your saxophone of malcontent
trapping me with notes of malice.


this worked for me.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Dear Sir,

This morning I sat down and started writing my resignation note. I wanted to be thorough and make a complete list of all the aspects of the job, the management and the working environment that have driven me to this desicion.

I had to stop, because the massive negative charge of the list caused severe subatomic imbalances in the notion web, thus materializing a singularity of fuckup, creating a black hole that swallowed the paper the list was written on, a sizeable portion of the desk, a cup of Lady Grey, a Pez dispenser and my fucking iPod.

I'll send you the bill later. Bye.

alright you made my rootbeer come out of my nose from laughing