Kids' questions

[glynndah]

I work in a grade school cafeteria. I overhear snippets of conversations and am often called upon to answer questions or settle arguments. Here are a few of my favorite ones:

The Angel Series:
1. Do those angel babies (cherubs) wear diapers?
2. There are grown up angels and baby angels. How come you never see pictures of kid angels?
3. If there was man angels at Bethlehem, how come the kindergarten girls are the angels for the Christmas program?
4. If an angel shot you, would you die right away?
5. If an angel and a guy were fighting, would they disintegrate?

The Mythical Beast Series:
1. If the Sphinx came back to life, could it breathe?
2. How can you prove dragons never existed?
3. How big was the biggest dragon?
4. If all those unicorns and stuff never existed, how do we know what they looked like?
5. If Hitler and the Martians were fighting, who would win?
6. Can you have Jewish vampires?

Miscellaneous
1. How do cootie shots work?
2. Can chickens get chicken pox?
3. Why do boys do that?

and my personal favorite:
Can a regular duck kill you?

 

[Guest]

The Mythical Beast Series:

2. How can you prove dragons never existed?
3. How big was the biggest dragon?


Miscellaneous

3. Why do boys do that?

and my personal favorite:
Can a regular duck kill you?

Misc #3 is a mystery to all both all women, and the boys even as they "do that".

We'll let Dranoel and CD answer the other two.

 

[impressive]

and my personal favorite:
Can a regular duck kill you?

As opposed to an irregular duck?

 

[zeb1094]

As opposed to an irregular duck?

As opposed to a CD duck?

 

[cloudy]

6. Can you have Jewish vampires?

I think we've already answered that one: Jewish Vampires

 

[Bizkit_Writer]

I work in a grade school cafeteria. I overhear snippets of conversations and am often called upon to answer questions or settle arguments. Here are a few of my favorite ones:

The Angel Series:
1. Do those angel babies (cherubs) wear diapers?
2. There are grown up angels and baby angels. How come you never see pictures of kid angels?
3. If there was man angels at Bethlehem, how come the kindergarten girls are the angels for the Christmas program?
4. If an angel shot you, would you die right away?
5. If an angel and a guy were fighting, would they disintegrate?

The Mythical Beast Series:
1. If the Sphinx came back to life, could it breathe?
2. How can you prove dragons never existed?
3. How big was the biggest dragon?
4. If all those unicorns and stuff never existed, how do we know what they looked like?
5. If Hitler and the Martians were fighting, who would win?
6. Can you have Jewish vampires?

Miscellaneous
1. How do cootie shots work?
2. Can chickens get chicken pox?
3. Why do boys do that?

and my personal favorite:
Can a regular duck kill you?

Kids ask the darndest things and they express on what they want to learn. I guess and no ducks can't kill humans but we can kill them for food!

 

[BlackShanglan]

As opposed to an irregular duck?

Possibly as opposed to a vampire duck?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I read these to my kids, and my son explained the Sphynx question;
The statue has no nose....


he also points out that the Nazies had really cool Lugers

"why do boys do that?"

 

[cheerful_deviant]

As opposed to an irregular duck?

As an irregular duck I can say with some athority: Maybe.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

As opposed to a CD duck?

See above.

 

[Guest]

kat at 7 years old on the bus:
"i must be a lesbian. i love women."
that one will NEVER be lived down.

 

[cloudy]

kat at 7 years old on the bus:
"i must be a lesbian. i love women."
that one will NEVER be lived down.

Spidey, just a few days ago:
"If I was in your tummy, how did I get out? Did you throw up or something?"

 

[Guest]

Spidey, just a few days ago:
"If I was in your tummy, how did I get out? Did you throw up or something?"

you were like a pimple, sweetie, you just popped out when you were ready.
*grin*

 

[cloudy]

you were like a pimple, sweetie, you just popped out when you were ready.
*grin*

Then I'd have to try to explain what a pimple is.

Five is such a curious age.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I like the one about Hitler fighting the Martians. That's the kind of stuff I used to think about too.

Are we talking like a boxing match? Hitler against one Martian? Or a bunch of them? Maybe the Martians would go tag-team and wear masks? I bet Hitler would have Goering in his corner to fan him with a towel between rounds

Would Hitler get to wear his uniform? The one with the jodphurs? Looks are important when you're fighting Martians, so I hope so. I don't think Hitler could take a punch though. I'll bet you he fought like a girl, with a lot of slapping and scratching and trying to stomp on your foot with his big Prussian boots while you weren't looking.

I don't know anything about how Martians fight though. Because their gravity is so much less thatn earth's, I think they're not very strong, so they might not stand up to Hitler's slapping and gouging. If it were one on one, I think Hitler would have a pretty good chance, if he were still alive.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Damn, that's nice, Doc- very thoughtful post!

by the way, my family just recieved a double DVD of "Metropolis"

 

[Boxlicker101]

Possibly as opposed to a vampire duck?

How can a duck be a vampire? They don't have teeth.

 

[Stella_Omega]

How can a duck be a vampire? They don't have teeth.

Dentures, duh

 

[BlackShanglan]

How can a duck be a vampire? They don't have teeth.

It is a difficult calling, I concede.

Just imagine the scene ... the innocent ingenue, draped in a dozen yards of frilled white Victorian lace, lies sleeping as the great French windows to the garden open slowly, slowly on the night. In stalks a figure of shadow and menace. It glides to the bed, stoops over the sleeping form, and then ...

*peck*

"Ow! Hey, is that you again?"

*peck*

"Look, I told you to go away."

*peck*

"Now stop that!"

*peck*

"I like ducks as much as any girl, but this is - "

*peck*

"All right, you're going out. Mother! Where's the lock to the French windows?"

 

[Boxlicker101]

Dentures, duh

Dentures wouldn't work. Vampires has to have tiny holes in the tips of their fangs so that when they punch them into a neck, blood will flow into them. The holes have to be connected to the vampires' digestive systems so they can digest the blood and receive nourishment from it. It would be possible to have artificial fangs but a duck's bill is just not conducive to having a conduit to its stomach.

 

[cloudy]

Dentures wouldn't work. Vampires has to have tiny holes in the tips of their fangs so that when they punch them into a neck, blood will flow into them. The holes have to be connected to the vampires' digestive systems so they can digest the blood and receive nourishment from it. It would be possible to have artificial fangs but a duck's bill is just not conducive to having a conduit to its stomach.

That's not what Anne Rice says.

 

[Boxlicker101]

That's not what Anne Rice says.

I didn't realize that Anne Rice had written about vampire ducks. Actual vampire bats, as opposed to what Bram Stoker wrote of, scratch a person or animal's skin with their teeth and lick up the blood as it oozes out, but the mythical vampires draw the blood through their teeth.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It is a difficult calling, I concede.

Just imagine the scene ... the innocent ingenue, draped in a dozen yards of frilled white Victorian lace, lies sleeping as the great French windows to the garden open slowly, slowly on the night. In stalks a figure of shadow and menace. It glides to the bed, stoops over the sleeping form, and then ...

A lot of the horror movies they make in Wormville feature monster ducks, I'll bet.

 

[Boxlicker101]

A lot of the horror movies they make in Wormville feature monster ducks, I'll bet.

Probably robins and moles and shrews too.

 

[sophia jane]

Two days ago, out of the blue, my 8 yo asked "Can a younger man marry an older woman?"

He only giggled when I tried to find out why he wanted to know.