Kicking off Literotica's very own collection of puns.

[DannyBoyUK]

Two objectives here:

1) To make fellow members at Lit groan at the corniness

2) To help you bump up your post-total with dreadful one liners !

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Every calendar's days are numbered.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.

 

[tin_tinr]

whats black and white and red all over =a newspaper

 

[ARaynes]

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "You drive. I'll man the guns."

 

[ARaynes]

On a diet? Go to the paint store. You can get thinner there.

 

[ARaynes]

Horses may get into the movies, but they're usually saddled with the bit parts.

 

[ARaynes]

Sometimes when I'm bored,I'll make spaghetti just to PASTA time away. Now that's using my noodle.

 

[ARaynes]

To win a relay race, swimmers pool their efforts.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

[ARaynes]

A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?!?" replies the man, "this is just the tip of the iceberg."

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

 

[ARaynes]

Dungeons and Dragons is just a load of Saxon violence.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.

 

[ARaynes]

At the bottom of the Bermuda Triangle is a wreck tangle.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Nylons give women a run for their money.