Keeping the Spice Alive in more or less 24/7 relationships

[esclave_PP]

Not sure if this has been discussed here or not, but here goes.

For those of us in relationships where we are with our Dominants or our submissives/slaves all the time, in person, and you're with them all the time because you're either married to them or living with them, here are are few questions I was wondering about the other day:

1) Submissives: Do you ever feel less subby or slave like because you're not or really can't be 24/7 allllllllll the time. Be nice, but unrealistic really. A Master can't be "Master" all day long without wearing out, if that makes sense. Real life interferes at some point.

2) Dominants: What do you do to keep things interesting? When you need downtime how do you handle it?

3) Overall: What do you do to keep your BDSM life alive and happy? What are little/big things that you do to keep from getting into a rut and getting bored?

I guess I was thinking about this since I live with Master, and was curious what others think or do to help stoke the fires in their relationships. I know there are lots of vanilla ways to do things but I wanted to look at these questions from a BDSM perspective.

Thanks!

 

[catalina_francisco]

1) Submissives: Do you ever feel less subby or slave like because you're not or really can't be 24/7 allllllllll the time. Be nice, but unrealistic really. A Master can't be "Master" all day long without wearing out, if that makes sense. Real life interferes at some point.

I'm not sure I buy into this idea he can't be a Master 24/7, though it pops up here regularly when discussing 24/7. For me being a Master is about more than the actions involved in the physical aspects, and that the mental is far more prevelant, thus it can be 24/7 no matter who is around, what is happening. I think I said in a thread the other day about how he might wake in the middle of the night and wake me to go down 3 floors to get him a drink, of he may get up through the night to do some work or watch TV, and he does not sneak back in our room to save disturbing me, in fact he switches the lights on when he comes in, makes as much noise as he wants, and if he wants anything else he will tell me....so we are 24/7 in the way that once the lights go off or he goes to work (he has in the past had me drive him to work and wait outside all day for him, or called me to bring something to him at work or just to meet him for lunch) it doesn't mean I am off duty so to speak and can relax and be vanilla like until he is there again.

Our experience has been that in times of trouble such as my father's death etc., or other life responsibilities the 24/7 D/s becomes even more prominent and does not excuse me from my regular duties or serving him. For me I find comfort and strength in that continuity and at times extra emphasis placed on the D/s commitment when other things are intruding on our idea of bliss. There have been a couple of times when he has thought I have enough to deal with so he backs off the serving obligation a little, but we have both come to realise those times create more problems than help.

2) Dominants: What do you do to keep things interesting? When you need downtime how do you handle it?

We occasionally go away for a weekend of just us, though that is fairly rare. Overall we haven't found we've needed to do anything in particular to keep things interesting and downtime we usually do together, sometimes spoiling each other, sometimes on spoiling the other if we think or feel one needs extra care more than the other, but once that one has been given some extra care, we usually turn around and give to the other anyway. Either way, even then, I still have to serve.

3) Overall: What do you do to keep your BDSM life alive and happy? What are little/big things that you do to keep from getting into a rut and getting bored?

LOL, we often talk about how amazed we are that boredom has not set in after 4 years, and if anything we find it just keeps getting better and better. I do think a big part of it is open communication and continually checking how things are for each of us. Sometimes if he has a heavy schedule the SM part might suffer a little, but there is always pain play in everyday which forms a basis, the extra when demands elsewhere are not so heavy are just the icing on the cake. I would say one of the biggest negatives we have found with being this happy with each other is that we continually find excuses to not go out with others or go visiting and have become sort of hermits. That suits me fine as it is how I like my life, but I am not so sure it is good for him as he is more of a social animal, so I do suggest visiting his friends from time to time if I notice him getting a bit edgy or overly stressed.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

I'm not sure I buy into this idea he can't be a Master 24/7, though it pops up here regularly when discussing 24/7. For me being a Master is about more than the actions involved in the physical aspects, and that the mental is far more prevelant, thus it can be 24/7 no matter who is around, what is happening.

I agree with this, even at the non-TPE level.

As I said on another thread, to me a "24/7 relationship" means one in which there is no signal or on/off switch to launch the D/s dynamic. A 24/7 partner of mine cedes control over physical activity and some non-bedroom aspects of the relationship, and does so on a round-the-clock basis for the duration of the partnership.

No on/off switch means just that. It is never turned off.

There may be explicit rules relating to things like: who's making breakfast, and when. But there are also always intangible expectations that never cease to exist. These relate to things such as the tone with which I expect to be addressed, or the fact that I reserve the right to ask something like: "Please go see if the mail has arrived," and expect to be obeyed.

And even though she maintains control over her own finances, that doesn't mean that she can refuse to service me with her mouth simply because I made the request when she was in the middle of balancing her checkbook.

There have been a couple of times when he has thought I have enough to deal with so he backs off the serving obligation a little, but we have both come to realise those times create more problems than help.

I have made the same error and regretted it, too.

It seems so obvious to me now, in retrospect, but at the time it was hard to see. For some people, service and obedience are sources of strength and comfort that add, rather than detract, from the ability to handle the slings & arrows of life.

 

[esclave_PP]

Agreed, I should have been more specific. He IS Master all the time (we just don't play constantly is what I meant). We're not bored, not yet anyway, just was curious what other thoughts were out there. Thanks guys!