Just wanted feedback on my stories.

[ThePantyMan]

These are my first attempts at writing erotica and I would love to get some feedback on them as I would love to improve on my skills.
They are Comforting Cammie;http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=226030

and the second one is http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=227722

They are however, of interracial content, so if it's not your thing, then you probably shouldn't read them. I really want to hear what you all think.

Thanks

 

[kbate]

Comforting Cammie - Delete the opening paragraph and change the last two to get rid of the triple punctuation. (Removing my cock from her mouth she said, "I had to find a way to stop your snoring." Too many adverbs, not enough action verbs and too many passive phrases. Good story though.


Comforting Cammie Ch. 02 - Decent story, The opening lines were used in Chapter 1 and should be deleted, if someone has not read your other story before reading chapter 2, screw them, don't make me relive last chapter. Too many adverbs but overall I liked it, the interracial part hardly matters to the story and could have been left out entirely. The description of "C" cups and height should be in text rather than measurments, let the reader picture their own "Cammie and Jade".

 

[ThePantyMan]

thanks

 

[ThePantyMan]

anybody read these?