just turned 18...interested in BDSM...

[subgrl18]

for the past couple years i felt myself being drawn to boyfriends that liked to controle me...people told me to get out of relationships like that but i liked it..i need it. i just turned 18 a couple weeks ago and i think i might want to be a sub...im really interested in it...what are some of the things you doms like to do to ur subs? im really curious about it all...thanks alot

 

[CutieMouse]

Welcome to our little corner of Lit!

It's a bit difficul to outline what Dominants like to do to their partners, as each relationship tends to be highly individualized, negotiated between the persons involved. I'd strongly recommend you take advantage of the BDSM Library thread pinned at the top of the forum, ask questions here as you see things that you're curious about, and spend some time studying healthy D/s relationships- When Someone You Love Is Kinky, The New Bottoming Book, The New Topping Book, and The Loving Dominant are all a good place to start- available on Amazon , or through the publisher Greenery Press.

 

[subgrl18]

thank you very much!

 

[catalina_francisco]

http://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/1087.gifMy advice is as with entering any relationship....know yourself well; know what it is you want and need; and before looking at what they can do for you, take a look at what you think you can do for them....and I don't mean sex. I am also one who believes especially for women, that it is good if you have had a chance to direct your own life before handing it over to someone else to steer....but not everyone feels that is a necessity.

Catalinahttp://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/obszoener0.gif

 

[lil_slave_rose]

for the past couple years i felt myself being drawn to boyfriends that liked to controle me...people told me to get out of relationships like that but i liked it..i need it. i just turned 18 a couple weeks ago and i think i might want to be a sub...im really interested in it...what are some of the things you doms like to do to ur subs? im really curious about it all...thanks alot

there are alot of resources out there for beginners and as cutie mouse said the library here is a good place to start..but if you google "BDSM Resources" you will find a lot of good resource sites as well....just curious as to what you like about the lifestyle? the reason i'm asking is because to find the right Dom for you, you have to know what it is you are looking for.

 

[subgrl18]

im into being a sub... i guess im just into hearing things other people do...you know? thanks for the help everyone i apreciate it!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

im into being a sub... i guess im just into hearing things other people do...you know? thanks for the help everyone i apreciate it!

'i'm into being a sub' doesn't say that you know what in this lifestyle interests you. are you into pain? are you into total power exchange? these are things that you need to decide for yourself before finding a 'Master' and giving over the control of yourself. have you read websites? do you know what it means to be a submissive? again questions you need to answer before jumping in head first. i would read, read, read, and when you're done doing that, read some more it is a journey, and it's not always an easy one....i do wish you luck in your journey and hope that you find what you're looking for....

 

[sister76]

I don't know if the best place for you to find out about it is on here. You might not want to compromise yourself that way.

 

[myinnerslut]

I don't know if the best place for you to find out about it is on here. You might not want to compromise yourself that way.

im not exactly sure what this meant but ive found lit to be very helpful and informitive in my submissive journey.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

im not exactly sure what this meant but ive found lit to be very helpful and informitive in my submissive journey.

same here..compromise yourself?? what exactly does that mean? this site is very imformative, fun, and full of nice people willing to offer advice and their experiences.....*shrugs*

 

[Gil_T2]

for the past couple years i felt myself being drawn to boyfriends that liked to controle me...people told me to get out of relationships like that but i liked it..i need it. i just turned 18 a couple weeks ago and i think i might want to be a sub...im really interested in it...what are some of the things you doms like to do to ur subs? im really curious about it all...thanks alot

i'm not knocking your interest at your age but a lot mistake abuse for being a Dom & there is a huge difference between the 2 & offering yourself to someone who takes charge, being a sub is different from this & you do need to read all the links posted here plus anything else ppl in the lifestyle recommend I also like the bit CutieMouse put
"as each relationship tends to be highly individualized, negotiated between the persons involved" before anything happens, being a sub is a wonderful gift given by you do not let that be abused.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i'm not knocking your interest at your age but a lot mistake abuse for being a Dom & there is a huge difference between the 2 & offering yourself to someone who takes charge, being a sub is different from this & you do need to read all the links posted here plus anything else ppl in the lifestyle recommend I also like the bit CutieMouse put
"as each relationship tends to be highly individualized, negotiated between the persons involved" before anything happens, being a sub is a wonderful gift given by you do not let that be abused.

i was wondering if anyone was going to bring it up..i almost did but thought better of it, i didn't want to get flamed or people thinking i was being judgmental but the comments she made about being drawn to boyfriends who 'control' her worried me that she was not seeing the submissive in the right light, which is why i asked if she truly knew what submission meant.....*shrugs* i hope the OP will read and educate herself before jumping in....

 

[catalina_francisco]

i was wondering if anyone was going to bring it up..i almost did but thought better of it, i didn't want to get flamed or people thinking i was being judgmental but the comments she made about being drawn to boyfriends who 'control' her worried me that she was not seeing the submissive in the right light, which is why i asked if she truly knew what submission meant.....*shrugs* i hope the OP will read and educate herself before jumping in....

LOL, join the club....figured I had been flamed enough for mentioning such things this year.

Catalina

 

[subgrl18]

i do know what being a sub it thats what i ment... i ment a couple of my old boyfriends were into this.. i have read all that stuff i was just interested in what other people liked to do...i think everyone likes different things...idk nvm sorry i wrote it i didnt mean to make anyone upset

 

[LAcouple4fun]

for the past couple years i felt myself being drawn to boyfriends that liked to controle me...people told me to get out of relationships like that but i liked it..i need it. i just turned 18 a couple weeks ago and i think i might want to be a sub...im really interested in it...what are some of the things you doms like to do to ur subs? im really curious about it all...thanks alot

Hey i just came across your thread and i realized how intrested i really in possibly being sub.Just want to thank u for your thread and if you dont mind sharing any tips or information about it with me ,
xoxo
Dakota

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i do know what being a sub it thats what i ment... i ment a couple of my old boyfriends were into this.. i have read all that stuff i was just interested in what other people liked to do...i think everyone likes different things...idk nvm sorry i wrote it i didnt mean to make anyone upset

no one is upset just worried for you that you are a bit too quick to jump in head first and want a Master so soon, is all. i was merely asking if you knew what it was exactly that you wanted...there are many people here who will share their experiences with you ,and help you on that journey into submission. lots of caring people here, and that's why i questioned..because i care, not because i was upset. anyway, for me, i've been in the lifestyle for 3 years, i have very little 'real life' experience as i've been in a long distance relationship with my Master for those 3 years. in September He came here, to Indiana for the first time (He lives in California) and He will be coming back here in just 8 days.

i am a submissive, obviously. i'm also a masochist, though i'm still building on how much pain i can take and sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to take the pain that some people i know can. and if i can't, well that's ok too, you're right, we are all different, and everyone does like different things. you are smart in wanting to know other people's experiences, and i hope you will stick around and enjoy your time here and learn alot. we never stop learning on this journey, heck we never stop learning in life, if we do, then i don't call that living...anyway, welcome to our lil corner of Lit, and i hope voicing my concern for you did not scare you away, and you'll stay and post and make some friends

 

[lil_slave_rose]

LOL, join the club....figured I had been flamed enough for mentioning such things this year.

Catalina

*grins* and this year has just started...think of all the other times you're gonna get flamed, and now that my concern and i know the way the board works, i'm sure i will be flamed as well. i just really don't like seeing eager submissives jump in and grab up the first Dom they see, only to find out later He was not a Dom at all, just an abuser who used the internet and BDSM as an excuse to beat the girl (and that is a generalization it has nothing do with the OP)

 

[subgrl18]

Thanks for caring im sorry i must have just misunderstood. Thank you all for replying it has helped me alot

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Thanks for caring im sorry i must have just misunderstood. Thank you all for replying it has helped me alot

Just be careful becuase there are a lot of players users and fakes who abuse this wonderful Lifestyle, and manipulate it to look like whey are Dominants, when they are really no more than abusers, rapists, asshelmets, etc...

You will find many knowledgeable people on this board who will help you to learn, and who will point you towards wonderful resources.

I wish you all the best of fortune on your journey into submission.

 

[catalina_francisco]

i do know what being a sub it thats what i ment... i ment a couple of my old boyfriends were into this.. i have read all that stuff i was just interested in what other people liked to do...i think everyone likes different things...idk nvm sorry i wrote it i didnt mean to make anyone upset

I took your initial words to mean your previous boyfriends had been controlling, not Dominants, and which might have been good reason for those around you to be concerned. Remembering back through the decades, I well remember how at 15, 18, 21, 25 yo we like to believe we know what we are doing and it is the rest of the world who doesn't understand, but the reality is more often than not we only know what it is possible to know at those tender ages and through the eyes of our individual experiences at those ages, not how our decisions in those years may form the path to our future. IOW, for example, though someone may come from an abusive background, they may be a victim of that history at 18 in that they do not have another to compare it to, do not have the hindsight of many years of experiences as an adult from which to make choices and judgements, and have been shaped by their experiences. That does not necessarily mean a person may make bad choices, but they are going to be more open to falling into another abusive situation than even the rest of the community.....and believe me, abuse is alive and thriving in the general population, and BDSM. I think it is good you are at least asking to hear of peoples' experiences.

What concerns me when I see someone very young wanting to get into being a sub is that they are very vulnerable and open to abuse, and also easily led into becoming brainwashed and/or desensitised by that abuse to believe it is OK and it is justified, and more disturbing, it is 'real' BDSM. Many do not like to acknowledge it, but an 18 yo girl posting she is eager to become and learn to be a sub will immediately catch the eye of the abuser, and the less than honourable Dom who is into young flesh for sex and an ego boost, only to discard them or take another when they reach an age which is deemed too old (often around 25-30yo), or sooner. If the sub role is pursued to the lengths of the Dominant making decisions for them, directing most or all things in their lives, it can also be crippling on an emotional, psychological, financial, and maturity level. It can result in producing a woman who has no idea what really happens in the world, how to cope alone, who she really is. Some think this makes the ideal submissive but for my taste it just makes a shell of a human being who cannot make their own decisons, nor manage their own lives and that is not what submission is about for me but is a common misconception of what it means to be submissive...let someone do and think for you.

While I applaud your desire to pursue your desires, I also would like you to be careful, perhaps find another way to define who you are than an 18 yo, be very aware of what options are available to you, and learn more about who you are and what you want. I recognise you say you want to be a sub, you say you have read everything (even I haven't done that!!), but wonder then why you are asking what Doms do to their subs because if you already have read it all and know what you want, why do you want to know what they do....wouldn't it be more productive to seek out more experiences related to those things you want done to you? These are just a few thoughts put forward for you to ponder and perhaps define what direction you want to take your submission in because believe it or not, it is initially up to you to define that direction, not someone you do not know and who may only be interested in you for your youth and how they can make use of that point for their own advantage only. I hate seeing women, especially young women, being screwed over and messed up by those less than savoury beings that are out there watching and waiting for an opportunity to pounce.

Catalina

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Very well put, cat

 

[myinnerslut]

everyone so far has posted good points about the concern over your age, and everything they say is true. be careful. dont do anything unsafe. learn some stuff before you jump into a BDSM relationship.

on the flip side of things, you CAN be a sub at the age of 18, just be safe and careful about it. i am very much a submissive, in a BDSM/ D/s relationship that began a month or two before my 18th birthday and has been going on for over a year.

i would higy recommend just sticking around on the board and treading everyones posts. they are very informitive and helpful, and have been an incredible source of both information and support.

dont let your age stop you, just recognize the reality of the situation and dont do anything that might cuase you to become hurt.

 

[the captians wench]

http://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/1087.gifMy advice is as with entering any relationship....know yourself well; know what it is you want and need; and before looking at what they can do for you, take a look at what you think you can do for them....and I don't mean sex. I am also one who believes especially for women, that it is good if you have had a chance to direct your own life before handing it over to someone else to steer....but not everyone feels that is a necessity.

Catalinahttp://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_sonstige/obszoener0.gif

This is something my mom told me when I was 18 and planing on getting married.

"Wenchie, you really need to have your own apartment. Your own life before you get married and share it. "

You know, she was right; but of course I didn't listen then.

Since my ex and I seperated, and my cousin skipped out on me, I've had to life for myself. Last year was a very hard year for me. I did so much changing and growing. And while I did have suport across the ocean, I don't think that we would have worked if he had been closer to home. There was just too much I had to learn, and if he'd been here insted of me learning these things I would have just fallen to him for total suport.

Not to say that I don't rely on him, but there are just so many things that happen day to day that under normal circumstances I would look to him to advise me on/take care of, that are just not possible right now.

 

[rthnck]

it's the journey not the destination

exploring what turns you on is a big part of sexuality. Reading the "sticky manual" will give you an idea of the range of possibilities in the BDSM culture. Take it slow. There are many different levels of submission and your question shows that there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to "help" you in your journey. A large part of BDSM is "trust" and finding partners and safely exploring your sexuality is paramount. You need to find someone you like and then take the natural steps to introduce your submissive fantasies into your relationship. I don't like the idea of using the Dom criteria to initiate a relationship but that's just me.

Find a guy you like. Get comfortable with him. Then begin the journey. You've got lots of time to explore...

 

[Etoile]

Here's something important for a beginner: Safe Calls. This applies to any first date that you have with someone, but especially in BDSM.

A safe call is something you set up with a friend before you go out on a date to meet someone for the first time. You arrange with your friend that you will call him/her at a specified time. You also tell your friend where you are going on this date. If you don't call at that specified time, your friend contacts the police and tells them that you were meeting a date and where you were going. Some people also include a secret password in that call - a word they can say in case things are NOT going okay. That way, if they are being forced to make the safe call but they are really in danger, the friend knows to call the police anyway.