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Just read "Sometimes They Fall Hard" ...
I just got done with "Sometimes They Fall Hard" by Alex756 ...
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=85867
WOW!
I'm not sure why any guy would be baffled and confused by this story. I found it very easy to grasp and a great inside view of the types of atrocities that happen to women all over the world.
Your lead in was pretty good and I think the pace of the details being revealed was steady and moved easily.
There are very few things I would've liked to see done differently with this story.
At the beginning you have a statement that reads:
"**This is not a happy story. It is short and placed in this category for good reason. If this offends you, please don't read it**"
To be brutally honest about this statement I have to say; Fuck anyone who would be offended by this story! The only people who could be offended by this story are the ones who are doing this to others in the first place! I'll even stick my neck out here and say that I believe a story like this one, with the language cleaned up just a bit, should be part of every so called "Sex Ed." class in the country. Expose this while they're young to try and prevent it when they're older.
I would've liked to see a few more details added that could greatly further the severity of the situation. Maybe in the bath you can have your character also feeling the pings of old wounds like a torn shoulder ligament or some bruised muscles that haven't quite healed yet. Maybe even a scar or two when she's shaving. But leave these things ambiguous in nature. Let the reader imagine that maybe she played sports and took the injuries, or she was in a car accident, whatever. When the reader is fully aware of the situation this woman is in these details will work with the absence of the clocks and calendars to further the length of the brutality that's been inflicted on this woman.
Also, the title gets a bit wishy-washy when the male character begins to stir after taking his dive. Though it adds a suspenseful uncertainty, it may have played out better if the woman ran down through the house to him, planted her heel squarely in his groin and captured the phone. This is where the suspenseful ending would work with something like, "... I fumbled with the phone to get it turned on so I could dial while I turned to make sure he was still on the ground only to find that he was on his feet and moving towards me ..." I know, I've got a run-on sentence here, but you see what I'm going after.
Otherwise, I liked that you kept the characters as ambiguous as possible in their descriptions. I'll go back and double check, but I don't even think you hinted about their skin color. That's good because this scenario really can play out in any demographic.
Nice work.
I just got done with "Sometimes They Fall Hard" by Alex756 ...
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=85867
WOW!
I'm not sure why any guy would be baffled and confused by this story. I found it very easy to grasp and a great inside view of the types of atrocities that happen to women all over the world.
Your lead in was pretty good and I think the pace of the details being revealed was steady and moved easily.
There are very few things I would've liked to see done differently with this story.
At the beginning you have a statement that reads:
"**This is not a happy story. It is short and placed in this category for good reason. If this offends you, please don't read it**"
To be brutally honest about this statement I have to say; Fuck anyone who would be offended by this story! The only people who could be offended by this story are the ones who are doing this to others in the first place! I'll even stick my neck out here and say that I believe a story like this one, with the language cleaned up just a bit, should be part of every so called "Sex Ed." class in the country. Expose this while they're young to try and prevent it when they're older.
I would've liked to see a few more details added that could greatly further the severity of the situation. Maybe in the bath you can have your character also feeling the pings of old wounds like a torn shoulder ligament or some bruised muscles that haven't quite healed yet. Maybe even a scar or two when she's shaving. But leave these things ambiguous in nature. Let the reader imagine that maybe she played sports and took the injuries, or she was in a car accident, whatever. When the reader is fully aware of the situation this woman is in these details will work with the absence of the clocks and calendars to further the length of the brutality that's been inflicted on this woman.
Also, the title gets a bit wishy-washy when the male character begins to stir after taking his dive. Though it adds a suspenseful uncertainty, it may have played out better if the woman ran down through the house to him, planted her heel squarely in his groin and captured the phone. This is where the suspenseful ending would work with something like, "... I fumbled with the phone to get it turned on so I could dial while I turned to make sure he was still on the ground only to find that he was on his feet and moving towards me ..." I know, I've got a run-on sentence here, but you see what I'm going after.
Otherwise, I liked that you kept the characters as ambiguous as possible in their descriptions. I'll go back and double check, but I don't even think you hinted about their skin color. That's good because this scenario really can play out in any demographic.
Nice work.
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