Just read a great story!

[BlueBard]

Hey,

I just read what I thought was a fantastic story, "Four Star Lisa," by Whiskey Will. I thought the dialogue was very advanced as well as the character interaction. Wondering if anyone else has read that story and what their thoughts were on it.

 

[Hotcappucino]

Hmmm, what are the rules of etiquette regarding criticizing a story when the author doesn't specifically ask for a critique in a public forum? I'm a fairly newbie poster and I don't want to offend the author. Ah, well, I guess it couldn't hurt to mention a few things.

There are a number of errors in punctuation and a few missing words that were distracting.

One line to me that didn't sound natural, "I think a lot of women think about it and I know every man would want that to be the case," though that was minor.

The story line itself is very good, although I wondered how Lisa would know that Suzanne was alone (message on answering machine) since the rest of the story seemed to indicate that they hadn't talked in a long time.

Overall an enjoyable story.