just need to say this out loud please

[activelysexual]

I haven't been married, but my 1st boyfriend was abusive too, and I thought he'd change, but he hurt me and put me down and made me hate myself, so much so that after I left him 15 months after I met him, 4 years after that I was still suffering, and I got really depressed. It was only July 2004 when all that came to a head and I realised I was gonna do something stupid without help, and with the help of my family and a few close friends, I've started to realise the good things I have in my life and tried to focus on them to make me feel better about myself.

But I've just spent the last year/year and a half wanting someone to like me so much for who I am because I wanted to feel happy and good about myself, but mostly whats happened is I've slept with guys and they've thrown me away like I'm worth nothing. I keep thinking maybe I should just give up and be alone forever, atleast then I can't get hurt

Despite all the evidence which you have seen to the contrary, I am sure it's worth you dreaming too.

Getting knocked about, knocked down and knocked back is truly aweful, somehow we all need to have a little straw of hope for the future and sometimes that's all there is, even if the straw is almost too small to see.

 

[southernsky]

aw jeez guys! the one post i make just rambling goes to 2 pages!

I am not leaping, I am not even looking. I have just always said I don't want or need romance or children just because I was afraid of scaring off a potential date, since the mention of 'children' seems to make a lot of men run. Then I realized there were a lot of men who wanted children as well, and I need to be upfront with my desires rather than hide them just so I can attract someone who really doesn't want the same things as I really want. There, did that confuse you? Thanks for all the advice!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

You're not the only one southernsky. I've got the marriage but I dream about the babies and such.

The thing to know is that it's out there, and while it can be easy to meet a guy and stay with him just so you're not single, you should seek out the guy who genuinely thinks you're a princess and would do anything in the world for you (as long as you feel the same way about him). Those guys are out there.

Happiness in a relationship isn't a constant, nor is it easy. But with work and communication, it's more than possible.

Best of luck

 

[ickle_stace]

Despite all the evidence which you have seen to the contrary, I am sure it's worth you dreaming too.

Getting knocked about, knocked down and knocked back is truly aweful, somehow we all need to have a little straw of hope for the future and sometimes that's all there is, even if the straw is almost too small to see.

thanks hun x

 

[tribbles]

It's more work, for both partners, then I ever imagined. Learning and growing isn't easy....it's harder work than anything else I've found in life.

However, it IS as good as I thought it would be.

27 yrs and still in love......

Good luck in your journey.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I don't mean to belittle anyone who's has a bad experience with marriage, because I've seen it all. Still, that's not a problem with marriage, it's a problem with people. There are just far too many assholes in this world.

Who says Southernsky can't find exactly what she's looking for? Dream big or go home, I always say. Life is to a certain extent, what you make it. Marriage is exactly that, what BOTH partners make it together.

I have the perfect marriage. I adore my wife, she adores me, I support her dreams, she supports mine, she deals with my quarks, I deal with hers, she always right, I'm always wrong. it's perfect!

Seriously though, I do adore her and she does adore me, even when we annoy the hell out of each other and fight about stupid shit(usually stupid shit I've done). Even though we fight doesn't change the fact that we adore each other. We do support each other, even when it causes the us great inconvenience. She wanted to embark on a new career, so I picked up the slack financially and let her take that risk. I wanted to play hockey, so she let me spend the money and has had to endure hours of me whining about aches and pains and still comes and watches me play. She puts up with my annoying habits, and I put up with hers, even when they grate on our last nerves. Sometimes she calls me sweetie, sometimes is dumbass, it's still a pet name.

So why is our marriage perfect? Because we want it to be. Sappy, romantic, sickening sweetness, it's all just expressions of love. It's not a litteral romance novel like existence, but its a metephore for that deep true love that forms the core of the relationship. If both partners want that love to endure and are willing to work at it, then that facet can transcend all the bullshit that real life throws your way. Granted, it takes the right person, the kind of person who has that same outlook as you, the kind of person willing to give of themselves and to trust you will likewise give in kind, all with the goal of making each other happy.

I look at my parents, my grand parents, my wife's parents and I see it. Sure it's not a fairy tale picture, sure you see the stresses of daily living, but in those restfdul moments, the stolen glances, you can see it underneath. That's all romance really is. The rest is just trappings.