just need to say this out loud please

[southernsky]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

 

[BurgerFuhrer]

So do I. Do have a man in your life?

 

[cloudy]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

Children are wonderful, even if they do make you doubt your sanity most days, and you end up asking yourself "why did I think this was a good idea?" at least once a week. The hugs and kisses (sometimes) make it all worthwhile.

Marriage....overrated. Most people don't bother to look past the "fairytale" wedding, and go into marriage expecting exactly what you posted.

If anyone gets that, they sure as hell don't have it all the time - maybe half the time, if they're extremely lucky...at least, after the first year or so.

People don't think about the fights over money, over differing parenting styles, men figuring all they have to do is take out the trash and bring home a paycheck, being so tired after work/kids/etc., that you can't even stand the sight of each other, etc. etc.

It can be good, don't get me wrong, but please please please don't fool yourself into thinking that it's always going to be "a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and calling each other pet names" 24/7. If you do, you're in for a world of hurt and disappointment.

 

[glynndah]

And that pet name that was so romantic and adorable now sounds like fingernails on a blackboard and makes you want to scream "my name's Jane, not BooBoo, you idjit!"

 

[Bert Notorius]

Thats one way you could go. My wife hunted me relentlessly, chased me half way across the country, dragged me kicking and screaming to the alter, forced me to have sex daily to create our first child, and here it is 23 years later. Best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's hard. The tricky part is getting picked by the right partner...

 

[only_more_so]

The courage to start saying this up front means when you are dating some guy? It sounds like you've sown your wild oats and want to commence the next chapter. Good for you, I wish you well.

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

 

[emptynester]

Children are wonderful, even if they do make you doubt your sanity most days, and you end up asking yourself "why did I think this was a good idea?" at least once a week. The hugs and kisses (sometimes) make it all worthwhile.

Marriage....overrated. Most people don't bother to look past the "fairytale" wedding, and go into marriage expecting exactly what you posted.

If anyone gets that, they sure as hell don't have it all the time - maybe half the time, if they're extremely lucky...at least, after the first year or so.

People don't think about the fights over money, over differing parenting styles, men figuring all they have to do is take out the trash and bring home a paycheck, being so tired after work/kids/etc., that you can't even stand the sight of each other, etc. etc.

It can be good, don't get me wrong, but please please please don't fool yourself into thinking that it's always going to be "a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and calling each other pet names" 24/7. If you do, you're in for a world of hurt and disappointment.

I agree cloudy but after 26 years of having some of these feelings and realizing I handled things poorly at times and caused a lot of my own pain, I AM SO THANKFUL WE WORKED THROUGH IT ALL TOGETHER!

Marriage isn't "sweet and sappy" 24/7 but lets face it, life isn't either. You have to deal with what comes your way and as someone else pointed out, if you picked the right partner, at least you have someone to share in the good times and bad with.

Have we always agreed, of course not. Have we always gotten along? Another big NO. I guess I am just trying to say, now that I have finally grown up and know what I want to be so to speak, I am so glad we put the time and effort into working through our problems together.

We made it and are working on even better sex, watching our children grow up, get married, have children, etc. for the next 26 years. We want to be together watching our children raise our grand children so I can say to them "now you know how we felt when....." . It was SOOOO worth the wait and the work.

 

[1701-g]

good for you southernsky

at least you have some direction in life, which is more than me

I've recently broken up with my finance and never been lonelier. I hope you do meet someone and get married as I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing an I don;t think of it in a cynical way and hope to find someone I can spend the rest of my life with

Kids.....

can't stand them to be honest. noisy and expensive and end up resenting you in there teen until they end up begging you for cash when they are 20+. Kids I am cynical about but I will

 

[ickle_stace]

Isn't that what most people want? don't think many people actually get it, but everybody wants it before they do get married

I can't even find a boyfriend let alone anything serious thats gonna lead to marriage, I have a tendancy to do everything i can to make other people happy, and normally it ends up with me being used for sex and then thrown away like i didn't exist, so if anyone knows how to stop being walked all over and to find someone who likes me for the nice person I am and won't just use me I'd love to know

 

[1701-g]

Isn't that what most people want? don't think many people actually get it, but everybody wants it before they do get married

I can't even find a boyfriend let alone anything serious thats gonna lead to marriage, I have a tendancy to do everything i can to make other people happy, and normally it ends up with me being used for sex and then thrown away like i didn't exist, so if anyone knows how to stop being walked all over and to find someone who likes me for the nice person I am and won't just use me I'd love to know

Well...I am a nice person, I'm also from and live in leeds.....

I can send you a pic if your interested

 

[ickle_stace]

Well...I am a nice person, I'm also from and live in leeds.....

I can send you a pic if your interested

hi nice to meet you

it's always nice to know there are people on here from around near me

 

[Retrieval]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

Fuck that!

 

[southernsky]

I have always been ridiculously cynical and sarcastic as a way of hiding behind something, and I don't think I was upfront with my eventual desires in my relationship that just ended. I am tired of being cynical and tired of always being sarcastic, and tired of thinking that in order to get a date I need to never mention that I want to be married someday and I want children someday. not right now, not until I meet someone who I really enjoy and enjoys me back, but I need to start getting it through my head that I need to be upfront with what I am going to want from the relationship (should it last that long and turn out that well) in order to be happier and not feel like i am 'hiding' just so that I don't 'scare someone off".

I guess I should substititute "marriage" with "marriage and/or civil union" since I don't tend to limit myself to just men, but either way, I want a lifetime partnership with someone, should I find someone it works that way with, and I want children with them. There! I said it like three times! I'm getting better at this

 

[LukkyKnight]

...I said it like three times! I'm getting better at this

How are you going to work up the courage to say it in real life if you can't even face the GB?

(There, I made it a How To thread for you.)

 

[huskie]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

stay in school till you find a Good man. Check out his family and all that before jumping into marriage.

 

[SweetErika]

Children are wonderful, even if they do make you doubt your sanity most days, and you end up asking yourself "why did I think this was a good idea?" at least once a week. The hugs and kisses (sometimes) make it all worthwhile.

Marriage....overrated. Most people don't bother to look past the "fairytale" wedding, and go into marriage expecting exactly what you posted.

If anyone gets that, they sure as hell don't have it all the time - maybe half the time, if they're extremely lucky...at least, after the first year or so.

People don't think about the fights over money, over differing parenting styles, men figuring all they have to do is take out the trash and bring home a paycheck, being so tired after work/kids/etc., that you can't even stand the sight of each other, etc. etc.

It can be good, don't get me wrong, but please please please don't fool yourself into thinking that it's always going to be "a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and calling each other pet names" 24/7. If you do, you're in for a world of hurt and disappointment.

This should be required reading for anyone who's thinking of making a big commitment.

 

[Ness73]

All I can say is good luck and take the rose coloured glasses off before making any big decisions. Not being facetious, but a lot of people meet someone and fantasise about their future together without being realistic. Talking about what you want in life and how you would handle certain situations is a good idea before getting serious, at least then you know you are both on the same page. And when you do get serious, talk about the roles you think you should have in the future, ie childrearer or breadwinner, trash taker-outer, cook, cleaner etc. The more you talk, the more you know.
I had this talk with my husband about 5 weeks after we met. It was scary to open up about what I wanted - what if his dreams didn't match mine? - but you do have to take a risk sometime. Lucky he had the same dreams and the rest is history. Not to say we have a perfect marriage but it is pretty close, we can talk about anything and we are always honest with each other. If something pisses me off, I'll say so and so will he. It really is all about communication.
The only other thing I have to say is not to rush into having children. A lot of people rush into having children when they are still in that happy, honeymoon period of their relationship. A year down the track, they realise that they don't really like that person much anymore, but are tied to them through that child forever. Be sure that you want children with that person and never have a child to keep a relationship going or to fix a relationship. It never works.

Best of luck finding your dream.. just make sure it is everything you want - don't settle for second best.

 

[Gil_T2]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

facts of life is you'll likely get pregnant to a total waste of space or abusive & if he isn't you'll get all motherly with the baby & neglect the house, him & all others or the kids will drive you nuts with sleepless nights, teething, etc, crappy & wet nappies are not fun or romantic, spend your time growing up & enjoying life & just maybe you can find it.
Shit BANDIT & I are over 40 & after failed marrages we did find just what your after although the kids are mine & hers from our previous disasters so don't be in any hurry, experience life first.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Phew! Who says romance is dead?

 

[Gil_T2]

Phew! Who says romance is dead?

romance is alive & well but with the fantasy post by southernsky she will be doomed to misery, she needs life experiences so that she doesn't end up with a life of sadness.

i knew a girl who bought all the bride mags & she has 7 kids, no man, no job & lives on benifits as she kept thinking each one was the one but none were.

 

[Bandit58]

I got married at 19.....had my first child at 24, 2nd at 29, and by then I was well and truly over the hearts and flowers romance thing. My husband didn't have a romantic bone in his body and in fact was emotionally abusive. Post natal depression after the second child....self esteem at an all time low.....I ended up physically ill with a stomach ulcer and my mental state was nothing to write home about.

I thought I loved him. I had stars in my eyes, I didn't see the red flags....he wouldn't show affection in public (not even hold my hand in the street), he raped me once in a drunken stupor, he put me down and criticised me. I thought he would change once we were married, in fact it was worse. I was young and very naive, he was my first boyfriend. I wanted a house of my own, kids, a happy life....but instead I got years of misery. My self esteem was so low I didn't think I would be able to cope on my own with the kids, so I stayed....it seemed safer....

Now? I have romance, love, caring. It took me until I was 45 to find it. Gil and I have been together now for nearly 3 years. We got married a few days ago. I'm happier than I have ever been. I'm still getting used to being loved and cared about after over 20 years of crap. Emotional scars still rear their heads sometimes, but we are working on it

 

[eudaemonia]

Bravo, Bandit! What a lovely example of how much it's worth persisting through the pain and scars to grab for the brass ring.

southernsky, you've got some excellent advisors here, covering many facets of life as part of a couple. Keep asking, keep hoping, keeping dipping your toe in the water ... and keep your courage to keeping trying. It's worth it when you've taken your time to find someone worthy of you.

 

[silverwhisper]

southernsky: i think it takes more courage not to put on the armor of sarcasm and jadedness. of course people want those things, and that you would too shouldn't be terribly surprising to anyone who's willing to listen to what you're saying rather than merely go for the quick, pithy response.

i've found that in my life (although not the kids part, yet) and it makes me happy. this is what gives me hope in life and a place to rest my head when my soul is tired.

ed

 

[ickle_stace]

I haven't been married, but my 1st boyfriend was abusive too, and I thought he'd change, but he hurt me and put me down and made me hate myself, so much so that after I left him 15 months after I met him, 4 years after that I was still suffering, and I got really depressed. It was only July 2004 when all that came to a head and I realised I was gonna do something stupid without help, and with the help of my family and a few close friends, I've started to realise the good things I have in my life and tried to focus on them to make me feel better about myself.

But I've just spent the last year/year and a half wanting someone to like me so much for who I am because I wanted to feel happy and good about myself, but mostly whats happened is I've slept with guys and they've thrown me away like I'm worth nothing. I keep thinking maybe I should just give up and be alone forever, atleast then I can't get hurt

 

[activelysexual]

This isn't really a how-to, but the GB makes me kind of anxious, and I "know" a lot of you who post on this section, so I just need to say this "out loud" so I can get the courage to start saying this up front.

I really want to get married and have a ridiculously romantic and sweet and sappy marriage and call each other pet names. I want to have children and raise them together and watch them be little babies and watch them grow up and become adults themselves. I really really really do. I want to buy them baby clothes and nurse them and send them to their first days of school. I want to take them on vacations and show them what and who else lives in this world, and I want to do it with a partner. I want that.

Nobody really even needs to respond to this, I just needed to put that out there for more than just myself to read. Thank you.

Why not dream, it makes life special!