I have a question. I keep getting put in the position of Dom. Not that I'm complaining but I'm neither really Dom or sub. I'm not new to the bdsm community but have normally been on the out side or rim of it. The problem I have is that I never feel that I'm satisfying my sub, this in turn makes it hard for me to be completely satisfied. What advice could you all give me?
just a lill lost
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leeroy jenkins
Just me
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Have you talk serious about this with said subs?? Communication is the life blood of any relationship and doubly so for us. Its good that your concerned about meeting their needs but what if you are and just don't know it. If you find out after talking about it that your not meeting her needs then see if there is a way to.
Personally I think that one person can't meet all the needs of your or your subs and that the both of you should be open to having those needs met from the outside of you agree with my opinion.
Personally I think that one person can't meet all the needs of your or your subs and that the both of you should be open to having those needs met from the outside of you agree with my opinion.
Kailey_86
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i agree with lj. Communication is key. Talk to You sub. That is the best way to see what is going on. Talk about everything. What does Your sub like? Does Your sub have limits? Is Your sub into pain? Ask lots of questions. Try stuff out then ask if they liked it. If they didn't, ask them what You could do to make it better? Ask questions before, during and after play. Get to know Your sub really well. That's the best way to find out if Your sub is really satisfies. Eventually You will be able to tell just by looking at her body language.
catalina_francisco
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I'm mystified as to how you can be put into the role of Dom if you say you are neither Dom or sub. Regardless, communication is the catchphrase, just make sure it is good communication. Personall I have never liked discussing how it feels before, during and after trying something new...for me it is too much talking which intrudes too much on the experience to ever know how it really felt. Using safewords may be more effective for during. Mind you, if you are neither Dom or sub, I would begin working on my communication skills to tell others that is how it is and to leave you be instead of manipulating you for their own devices.
Catalina
Catalina
catalina_francisco said:I'm mystified as to how you can be put into the role of Dom if you say you are neither Dom or sub. Regardless, communication is the catchphrase, just make sure it is good communication. Personall I have never liked discussing how it feels before, during and after trying something new...for me it is too much talking which intrudes too much on the experience to ever know how it really felt. Using safewords may be more effective for during. Mind you, if you are neither Dom or sub, I would begin working on my communication skills to tell others that is how it is and to leave you be instead of manipulating you for their own devices.
Catalina
well to be honest I consider my self to be a bit of both. I call my self a submissive dominant. I always use safe words as a matter of simple safety. communication can be a problem but I seem to have more problems with finding subs who don't really know what they want.
catalina_francisco
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lostcat69 said:
Uh huh.
CutieMouse
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I can easily see how someone might be "put into the role of Dom", especially if one has a tendency to play the rescuer role, or date women who are people pleasers (with kinks).
If you want to be the guy in charge- do so. If you feel like it might be more enjoyable to let someone else be in charge- do so. If you like to do both- more power to ya. Figure out what *you* want, before you worry about anyone else.
Do you feel your partner isn't satisfied because your sub gives negative feedback, because you lack confidence, because y'all aren't on the same page with regards to what equates "enjoyment", or because said sub is a "do me" queen and everything centers around their fantasies?
If you want to be the guy in charge- do so. If you feel like it might be more enjoyable to let someone else be in charge- do so. If you like to do both- more power to ya. Figure out what *you* want, before you worry about anyone else.
Do you feel your partner isn't satisfied because your sub gives negative feedback, because you lack confidence, because y'all aren't on the same page with regards to what equates "enjoyment", or because said sub is a "do me" queen and everything centers around their fantasies?
leeroy jenkins
Just me
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lostcat69 said:
Are you open to helping guide them for a short part of their journey?? You might help them to figure out what they do want. Trouble is at least the way that sounds it might be your needs are really being met. And why would you want to do something that doesn't do anything for you.
CutieMouse said:
I do have a tendency to pick up strays as well as step in when I see things going wrong for some one else. as far as what I want. more then any thing I want them happy and to learn new things. I'm pretty good about taking feedback positive and negative. probably It comes from a lack of confidence but I not sure.
leeroy jenkins said:
most of the time I'm with people who are just trying out being a sub, some times for the very first time.I've lucked out and most of them seem to get what they need from the experience and a few have even stuck with it. Its not that it doesn't do any thing for me. but more of I'm good being Dom, sub, or vanilla. I enjoy pritty much everything so long as my partner is as well.
liberatedslave
Really Experienced
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I'm wondering if the fact you're seeing women who are very new to kink means you feel a responsibility to take a dominant or leading role? It's clear your not being honest about your desire to switch around & if you're not truly happy your sub will pick up on that. Try talking about this with a sub you have a good relationship with, you may be surprised by the reaction you get. I know some men think of submission as unmanly & are reluctant to try but with the right person you could really enjoy it.
