Junk drawer? Junk room? Junkie?

[shereads]

You know those spiral-sliced funeral hams that well-meaning people bring to the house after someone dies, in the expectation that you won't want to bake your own ham and slice it neatly until you're out of mourning? The hams that seem to self-replicate, so that you're out of aluminum foil long before you run out of ham?

Lately, the same thing is happening with junk here at the Decaying Jungle Compound.
The more junk I get rid of, the more junk I seem to have. Magazines, the maps that fall out of National Geographic, dull scissors, a screwdriver used once too often to pry open paint cans, a paint can one-fifth full of paint, an expired coupon for an oil change, an older expired coupon for an oil change, pens you can still jot down phone numbers with provided you press down really hard, note pads that can't be thrown away even though they only have one page left because there's some indecipherable writing on it that looks important, rubber bands, paper clips, three unopened Sunday newspapers that I'd really like to have read when they were new, postage stamps that are worth one-cent less than is necessary to mail a letter...You know, junk.

In my mom's home, all of that stuff lived in what was called "the junk drawer." I made do with a junk box. Now I have a junk room, which used to be the guest bedroom.

Mind you, I make a concerted effort to live free of junk. My junk only replicates like ham slices when I'm depressed. Now I'm feeling better, but when I look around and see all the junk that accummulated when I was down, it's depressing!

I spent three hours today getting rid of junk and there's more junk than when I started. What to do?

Ham sandwiches, anyone?

 

[sincerely_helene]

You know those spiral-sliced funeral hams that well-meaning people bring to the house after someone dies, in the expectation that you won't want to bake your own ham and slice it neatly until you're out of mourning? The hams that seem to self-replicate, so that you're out of aluminum foil long before you run out of ham?

Lately, the same thing is happening with junk here at the Decaying Jungle Compound.
The more junk I get rid of, the more junk I seem to have. Magazines, the maps that fall out of National Geographic, dull scissors, a screwdriver used once too often to pry open paint cans, a paint can one-fifth full of paint, an expired coupon for an oil change, an older expired coupon for an oil change, pens you can still jot down phone numbers with provided you press down really hard, note pads that can't be thrown away even though they only have one page left because there's some indecipherable writing on it that looks important, rubber bands, paper clips, three unopened Sunday newspapers that I'd really like to have read when they were new, postage stamps that are worth one-cent less than is necessary to mail a letter...You know, junk.

In my mom's home, all of that stuff lived in what was called "the junk drawer." I made do with a junk box. Now I have a junk room, which used to be the guest bedroom.

Mind you, I make a concerted effort to live free of junk. My junk only replicates like ham slices when I'm depressed. Now I'm feeling better, but when I look around and see all the junk that accummulated when I was down, it's depressing!

I spent three hours today getting rid of junk and there's more junk than when I started. What to do?

Ham sandwiches, anyone?

Torch the place and collect the insurance money.

Send ham my way.

 

[minsue]

Sher, I have a junk house. I'm like one of those stereotypical crazy cat ladies only I have junk, not cats. At least I don't think I have cats. I couldn't tell you for sure at this point, I haven't seen most of the house in ages. It's hidden behind the junk.

 

[TxRad]

*sigh* I come home from a 30 day job and spend half my time off, sorting and piling my junk.... Then i head back to work.... My housesitter comes by with my mail and such and decides to straighten up and put everythig away.... I come home and now, not only can't I find my jnk but now I have another big pile to sort through....

So goes the circle of my life....... Pass the ham, I have cornbread and beans to go with it, if anyone is interested....

 

[Dar~]

I have a few Junk drawers, one in my kitchen one at the desk, one in my bathroom, and one in my husband's bathroom.

If you are in the states enter to do that show Clean Sweep. Easy money!

 

[Huckleman2000]

You know those spiral-sliced funeral hams that well-meaning people bring to the house after someone dies, in the expectation that you won't want to bake your own ham and slice it neatly until you're out of mourning? The hams that seem to self-replicate, so that you're out of aluminum foil long before you run out of ham?

I made one of those hams when my son came over a couple days after Christmas. I have yet to finish cleaning the roasting pan

Plus, my living room is littered with stacks of bills and unopened mail that I'm trying to finally get organized, except I have to deal with the people trying to foreclose on me and don't think that I should devote any attention to the others until I get THAT crisis taken care of.

In the meantime, I'm feeding myself, doing laundry, going to work almost every day, and getting back to almost normal after the better part of three years unemployed.

Oh, and I made delicious soup with the ham bone!

Take the victories as they come.

 

[NoJo]

Ham sandwiches, anyone?

Do you have any Shem, I already have more ham than you can shake a tallis at.

The thing to do with junk is to move house. By that I mean physically shift your house over by about thirty feet.

 

[shereads]

At least I don't think I have cats.

We have a winner.

 

[shereads]

So goes the circle of my life....... Pass the ham, I have cornbread and beans to go with it, if anyone is interested....

Cornbread? What kind of cornbread?

Is it crispy on the edges?

 

[cloudy]

Cornbread? What kind of cornbread?

Is it crispy on the edges?

Is there any other kind?

 

[shereads]

I have yet to finish cleaning the roasting pan

It's work to you. For a stray dog, it would be like winning the lottery.

Congratulations on being nearly back to normal. When you get all the way to normal, let me know what it's like.

Note to Helene: Torching the house requires buying torches and then making a plan. The torches would end up lying on the guest bed under some wire coat hangers and used pens.

 

[Huckleman2000]

It's work to you. For a stray dog, it would be like winning the lottery.

Congratulations on being nearly back to normal. When you get all the way to normal, let me know what it's like.

So, I'm almost back to the level of a stray dog....

FWIW, it's one of those really good pans that I think has to be hand-washed, because the dishwasher might ruin it.

OMG, seeing that previous sentence in writing!

I'm really more fucked up than I ever knew!

 

[oggbashan]

Sher, I have a junk house. I'm like one of those stereotypical crazy cat ladies only I have junk, not cats. At least I don't think I have cats. I couldn't tell you for sure at this point, I haven't seen most of the house in ages. It's hidden behind the junk.

A kindred spirit. We, my wife and I have two junk houses. That is the problem with trying to sell the old house. It is too full of junk. I am winning. Yesterday we gave three pieces of furniture to a museum. If you hang on to junk long enough it becomes 'interesting historic survivals'.

Og

PS. My wife has four cats each of whom regard particular junk piles as their own nest.

 

[Guest]

I console myself with thoughts that the reason the house is such a shit pit is because it is over 180yrs old and the nearly sole occupants have been in the same family for nearly that long.
Yankees hate to throw anything out. ...ANYTHING. I tried to get rid of my mother's incontinence items only to be told..."someone we know might need them"...HELLO?!
The scariest thing in all of this is the fact that i see myself doing things very much the same with my 'shit'. If i have a left over part from putting something together, then I damn well better save it...afterall..."someone we know might need it"

 

[sincerely_helene]

Note to Helene: Torching the house requires buying torches and then making a plan. The torches would end up lying on the guest bed under some wire coat hangers and used pens.

The leaky bathtub would only extinguish the flames anyway.

 

[impressive]

I console myself with thoughts that the reason the house is such a shit pit is because it is over 180yrs old and the nearly sole occupants have been in the same family for nearly that long.
Yankees hate to throw anything out. ...ANYTHING. I tried to get rid of my mother's incontinence items only to be told..."someone we know might need them"...HELLO?!
The scariest thing in all of this is the fact that i see myself doing things very much the same with my 'shit'. If i have a left over part from putting something together, then I damn well better save it...afterall..."someone we know might need it"

And the fucking button habit! (Thanks a bunch, grandma. )

I have cookie tins full of old buttons. Actually inherited a few of 'em. No one gets rid of clothing in this family without harvesting the buttons.

As a kid, I used to sort them -- match by color, number of holes, size -- but some asshole (probably my brother) would mix 'em all up again.

If you ever lose a button, lemme know. I'm pretty sure I've got a spare to match.

 

[Guest]

And the fucking button habit! (Thanks a bunch, grandma. )

I have cookie tins full of old buttons. Actually inherited a few of 'em. No one gets rid of clothing in this family without harvesting the buttons.

As a kid, I used to sort them -- match by color, number of holes, size -- but some asshole (probably my brother) would mix 'em all up again.

If you ever lose a button, lemme know. I'm pretty sure I've got a spare to match.

the image of you...
rocking back and forth, singing softly to yourself as you sort through all the pretty little buttons
will be burned forever in my brain.

 

[impressive]

the image of you...
rocking back and forth, singing softly to yourself as you sort through all the pretty little buttons
will be burned forever in my brain.

I'm taking my buttons with me to the nursing home when I go.

 

[Guest]

I'm taking my buttons with me to the nursing home when I go.

just lemme know and ill make sure that bertha the nurse doesnt take them away from you when you start eating them like candy treats...
i hear they make great colon blow., kinda like corn.
if all that fails, maybe we can have your dentures made of them... that would be so cool... you could do some awesome tricks with your jello
squeezing it out between the little button holes...
I LOVE THAT IDEA!

 

[impressive]

just lemme know and ill make sure that bertha the nurse doesnt take them away from you when you start eating them like candy treats...
i hear they make great colon blow., kinda like corn.
if all that fails, maybe we can have your dentures made of them... that would be so cool... you could do some awesome tricks with your jello
squeezing it out between the little button holes...
I LOVE THAT IDEA!

OMG - Making Jell'O right now. Gotta try it.

 

[lil_elvis]

The rule I try to live by is that if you haven't used it in three years, you never will, so throw it out. (Except if it's building material, I've got a lovely collection of drywall, plywood, wonderboard and odd-sized lumber down in the basement.)

Oh, and by the way, could you move your shit so I've got somewhere to put my stuff?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I think y'all being real mean to the 'miscellaneally challenged', like me!

My home office has those piles of old magazines and stacks of books on the floor to keep the carpet clean and the surfaces don't get dusty 'cos of all the piles of unfiled paper.

Tried using the guest bedroom as a temporary overspill but that didn't work. Three months later someone came to stay and I had to move everything back in the office.

I think I've got my mother's 'Waste not, want not' hardwired in my brain.

 

[rgraham666]

I have far less of a junk problem than I used to.

First of all I'm very poor, which mean I don't buy much, so there is far less stuff that becomes junk.

And I have a bunny. Most of the junk I own is paper, so if I want dispose of it, I just leave it where he can get at and he chews it into a form easily swept up and moved into the composter.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I have far less of a junk problem than I used to.

First of all I'm very poor, which mean I don't buy much, so there is far less stuff that becomes junk.

And I have a bunny. Most of the junk I own is paper, so if I want dispose of it, I just leave it where he can get at and he chews it into a form easily swept up and moved into the composter.

I've got a pussy - don't even think of replying - who has a habit of scrunching up piles of hoarded newspapers so I have to get rid of them.

 

[rgraham666]

I've got a pussy - don't even think of replying

Moi? (with faux look of innocence on my face)