June One Liners

[Guest]

I only have one for today...

So, what do you call the combination sex act where a guy first fucks his virgin sweetheart and then performs cunnilingus?

De-Hymen 'n Lick Maneuver.

 

[riff]

It's one of my sister's birthday month!

JEN- "IT comes in WAVES" I love you. I miss you!

 

[Ginny]

http://www.space-debris.com/com_billingsley_beaver.jpg


Beaver!

 

[Guest]

G. Ge.. Gee Mom! I'm just repeating what Eddie told Wally.

 

[Guest]

Well, OK... I got more.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

 

[Guest]

You tell me when to stop, OK?

Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

 

[Guest]

Well, it's not that bad...

Q: Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

 

[Guest]

The "size" thing again...

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

 

[Guest]

It's a matter of training...

Q: What's the difference between a pub and a clitoris?
A: A guy can find a pub.

 

[Guest]

OWWwww!

Q: Whats the difference between purple and pink?
A: The grip.

 

[Guest]

Ah, kids today...

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

 

[Guest]

The oldest professionals speak...

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.

 

[glamorilla]

That's not a beaver...that's my boyfriend!

 

[Guest]

Thou shalt not...

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

 

[Guest]

Ready, set, go...

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

 

[Guest]

Bitch!

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

 

[Guest]

It's a morning thing...

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

 

[Guest]

One-handed cards?

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

 

[Guest]

Fucking Owwwww! Again!

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

 

[Guest]

Another definition for narcissism...

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

 

[Ukin]

In STITCHES

Manx.....wonderful!!
Do me a favor if you will...email me those scribes and others that you have...they are SOOOOOO funny (but sadly true lol)

Fuckkk...I needed that laughter this Sunday..seeing that I missed my tee off time

 

[Ezarc]

Oop this isn't politically correct
Q: What is the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A: A slut puts out for anyone, a bitch puts out for anyone but you.

Take Care and Lust Always,
Ezarc

 

[Guest]

Ten Things You'll NEVER Hear a Man Say...

10. Here honey, you use the remote.

9. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

8. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

7. While I'm up, can I get you anything?

6. Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?

5. Sex isn't that important; sometimes, I just want to be held.

4. Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?

3. Aww, forget Monday night football, Let's watch Melrose Place.

2. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1. We never talk anymore.

 

[Guest]

Ten Things You'll NVER Hear a Woman Say...

10. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

8. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!

7. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!

6. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of
being "just friends".

5. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

4. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

3. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

2. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

 

[BamaBelle]

Q. What does the Pope and a Christmas Tree have in common?

A. Balls are for decoration only.