July 2nd, a year now without you

[llee69]

I knew from the day we met - that first time I saw your smile & those big brown eyes that we were meant to be together.

Its been a year since I got that call. Telling me that you had died. Since I sat by your lifeless body hoping and praying that it was not true. Looking and waiting for you to breath or move again. Unable to stop the flow of tears, not believing what I was seeing.

I never would have gone out of town if I had any idea I would only be returning to bury you. I will never be able to express just how sorry I am that I was not here to hold you close to me as you took your last breath. Maybe if I was here I could have done something. We could still be together.

I visit your grave several times a week still. I start to cry each time I approach. I cant help but to wonder if you really know just how much I love. Could I have said or done more?

Every night as I lay down to sleep I say good night to you. I still tell you how much I love you as the tears roll from my eyes onto my cheek. I miss all those nights of feeling your body next to mine. Keeping me warm in the winter and hot during the summer. Fighting over the blankets or pushing each other away with out feet. Waking up in the middle of the night to find myself holding you. Feeling you breath, feeling your heart beat.

There were those mornings that you would just not want to wake up. Telling me it was a perfect day to spend in bed and let the world pass us by. Other mornings I could not wake up early enough to get going for you. To run out the door and explore our world. To go see what was new out there. Laying in the grass and feeling at one with our world.

All those nights that you would lay your head on my lap was we watched TV. Trying to keep your eyes open but losing the battle and falling asleep. I would look down at you and all I could do was smile while my hand rested peacefully on you. How many times did I fall asleep on you while watching TV?

You taught me more about friendship and love. I was not able to build any walls with you. Only you have ever been able to break through and see me for me. Only you have been able to make me smile through the pain, keep me company even if we were not together. You taught me what life on this planet is about.

What I would not give now to have you beside me right now. To be able to hear your breathing as we sleep together. To watch your chest heave up and down as your breath.

I want you to know that if I ever did anything that would make you wonder just how much I love you I am sorry. If I ever hurt you please know I did not mean to and suffer everyday that we are not together.

I know we will be together again, but not soon enough. Just wait for me on the bed. I will be there sometime - to be with you again. I am ready for us to be together again.

I love you and I miss you very much.
You are still my best friend - forever.

 

[SexyWench]

That's beautiful *sniff, sniff* llee69.


SW

 

[Guest]

 

[Jewelz]

*sits weeping*

God bless you and your love. thank you for sharing such a very intimate part of yourself.

 

[Angelofsex]

OH llee, I can't stop crying...........that was so touching........I sure feel the love you had for her and still do.

Hugs my friend........she is always with you....never that far.

 

[Ukin]

What a sad moment.....my heart goes out to you my friend and like the others, I too had a slight tear in my eye and I am not afraid to admit it.

Please keep your chin up, try and smile and live with the obvious fond memories you have of your beloved one.
They will never pass you by..believe me, I know that for real.

 

[tonitits]

I am so Sorry for your lost....my heart goes out to you..It is obvious that ya had a wonderful love..keep it with you always...I hope that someday you will be able to get through the day without the pain,but still feel the love.

 

[espressolover]

I'm so sorry lleebabe.
You're a true friend and it hurts to see you hurting like this.

A big hug and kiss for you. I know it's not much, but it's the best I have to give. And my heart to you as your friend.
Love you

 

[CarolinaBabe]

Not wanting to intrude, not wanting to just back out of the thread, you make us all remember what's it's like to lose someone dear. Beautiful in it's sadness hon..... I'm sorry for your loss. Hope this day ends in beauty for you.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Sending a hug

http://www.campgooddays.org/hug01.gif

 

[1sexylady]

Oh little Fur Ball....

I sit here and cry for you....all I want to do is give your (((((HUGS))))...That kind of love is amazing...but so are you..

 

[Don K Dyck]

Lament

(((((HUGS))))) Beautiful prose for a beautiful very special friend.

 

[navarre]

Sitting here with tears on my cheeks.
Yes, warriors do...


My heart goes out to you friend.

 

[sortacurious]

llee,

I don't think we've ever met. But, I couldn't bring myself to not post something after reading your beautiful words.

As the tears continue to flow down my face, I feel a great sorrow for your loss. Also, a great joy at being given the gift you've given us all. To be able to catch just a glimpse of the warmth and love you shared. Anyone that was able to experience that truely lived the fullest, happiest life there is to be had. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughtful tribute here.

Today will be so hard to get through, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[llee69]

Thank you everybody.

I dont like to be sad or bring people down. I prefer to keep things light and make people smile.

I had to pay tribute though. It is never easy to lose someone who is such a part of our life and love.

Again Thank You

 

[enjoyingitall]

lee..I've read your posts several times today and each time my heart was touched by your tender words to your love.
I've tried to think of what I wanted to say here...I know we don't really know each other, but I've seen your kind spirit over and over here on the board. Reading your tribute, only adds to my admiration of you. You must be a very special person to have loved so deeply, that kind of love is reserved for those that are blessed. I hope your heart heals. Thank you for sharing this with us here. It was a lovely tribute and a beautiful reminder to each of us to treasure our loves.

 

[lilrosie lips]

Thank You Lee

Thank you for posting that lovely tribute lee.... as sad as it is and as much as I hurt watching you grieve... you gave us all a valuable gift... the gift of reminding us once again to always cherish those we love... ((((((((hugs))))) and kisses to you my friend...

 

[tigerjen]

llee69......

beautiful tribute.....I need to go get a tissue *cry*

even though its sad, its good to let your feelings out.....

may the light be on for you when you see your
love again......


tigerjen

 

[llee69]

Again thank you all.

I just got back from the grave site. I dug a small hole and burned a copy of this. Not really trying to hold back the tears like I have had to do at other points throughout the day.

It can be so hard to leave there, yet I know that is not where my world is anymore.

 

[~Dream~]

LLee69....sweetheart..

What can I say that hasnt already been said?
Your beautiful words touched the hearts of many as shown on this thread.
You have paid a most lovely tribute to your departed love.
But now that love has been shared with all of us and will NEVER be forgotten... To me that is a very precious thing and I'd like to say it is an honor ,personally to have you as a friend.
Lots of hugggs and kisses babe ,I'll remember you in my prayers tonite..
May Allah bless you always...

 

[artful]

llee69

Thank you everybody.
I dont like to be sad or bring people down. I prefer to keep things light and make people smile. I had to pay tribute though. It is never easy to lose someone who is such a part of our life and love.
Again Thank You

Having lost my childhood sweetheart, and *happily* married to her for 20 years. (She passed away 7-18-81). I salute your courage in expressing a part of your hurt to all of us. I have not the courage to open myself up like that. It's just TOO~!@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@!~painful !!! Yes, I am crying, been trying to post this for a half hour.
I really wish,..often, I had the courage to lay my hurt out in the open, as you have done here in your TRIBUTE, but I just can't seem to find the words. I respect you highly sir,...for what you have been through, and for what you will continue to go through is pain beyond imagination. May God bless you, each and every day of your life.
Thank you also for bringing forth joyous memories of when she was with me. Her smile, the love, the care, the loyalty, the strength she imparted to me, and SO much more.

Know also, there is life to be lived, there ARE beautiful people alive, to share the REST of your life with. I found such a one, right here on Lit, ...it's *Dream*. She has brought so much joy to me, in such a short time,...well,... can't find the right words for her either. *cries*

 

[Lady_Sam]

I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words, dear Llee. But my heart goes out to you.

 

[zetacon4]

I am crying for two reasons, really!

1. Just imagining your love and joy of being together and then thinking of how much that loss has hurt you. My eyes are still full to over-flowing.

2. This may sound selfish, but for some of us, we have never had the joy and wonder you speak of. So it hurts us even more to know what we have missed in our lives. This in no way diminishes our sympathy for your loss or your feelings now.

My God grant us the wondrous priviledge of knowing that same love and be able to share it with someone dear to us! And may your heart find peace and rest from this burden of loss. May you find another beautiful person to share your life with and help heal your sweet and gracious heart!

 

[Jacqline]

Now I think I understand what you were referring to, my friend, when you wrote to me a few days ago. I remember our letters in the past and who you may be referring to. This kind of relationship is beyond words and so full of unconditional love.....a lesson we could all learn.............yes, to love others unconditionally................

It is ok and safe to open yourself up again.......you have so much love in your heart and you are one of the most special people on this earth.

Thanks for being my friend and a very special person in my life.......I am truly blessed to know you.

Love, hugs, and kisses,

Jacqline

 

[LipstickKitten]

Oh, Furball, so many of your comments in HH over the last 6-8 months make so much more sense now. My heart goes out to you. You always have such a positive attitude, I had no idea of the hurt lying beneath.

You are a courageous, sensitive, romantic man and I'm glad to call you my friend. You know you can reach out to any one of us any time you need to and we'll be there for you.