Phoenyx
Yes i'm back
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2001
- Posts
- 6,978
How do you stop a Taliban tank?
Shoot the guys pushing it.
====================
This Bulletin just in:
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 or more terrorists has been operating in the Gander neighborhood of NewFoundland. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
Police Officials stated that the terrorists, Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on civil unrest issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the neighborhood. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
An undisclosed police source says a fifth possible member, Bin Lootin, may have gotten away also!
=========================
These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." —Jay Leno
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." —David Letterman
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." —David Letterman "Allied forces have hit all the Taliban military installations and bases. To give you an idea how successful these strikes have been: the Taliban has been telling young men that when they get to heaven, there may not be enough virgins to go around. They were promised 72. Now they are down to 45, but were told, 'Your virgins may vary." —Jay Leno
==============
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing... Yet
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-1...F-16...B-52...
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: How is bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble
Q: What does Osama bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What's the difference between Christmas and Osama bin Laden?
A: There will be a Christmas in December
Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: Because the camels can't handle it
=======================
September 12, 2001
Dear Osama Bin Laden, Yasser Arafat, and Sadam Hussein, et. al.,
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time. Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.
While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your court now. Batter up.
Sincerely,
The 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America
====================
Shoot the guys pushing it.
====================
This Bulletin just in:
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 or more terrorists has been operating in the Gander neighborhood of NewFoundland. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
Police Officials stated that the terrorists, Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on civil unrest issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the neighborhood. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.
An undisclosed police source says a fifth possible member, Bin Lootin, may have gotten away also!
=========================
These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." —Jay Leno
"We are starting to learn more about Osama bin Laden. For his birthday one year, somebody gave him a $4 Timex. We know that. He is married to the daughter of a guy named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I think her name is Tiffany Omar. Insiders say that the marriage is not working out. Apparently they are living in separate caves." —David Letterman
"It looks like now the military action is taking effect. They think that bin Laden's organization is starting to break down. Today satellite photos actually show the sand fleas are leaving his beard." —David Letterman "Allied forces have hit all the Taliban military installations and bases. To give you an idea how successful these strikes have been: the Taliban has been telling young men that when they get to heaven, there may not be enough virgins to go around. They were promised 72. Now they are down to 45, but were told, 'Your virgins may vary." —Jay Leno
==============
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing... Yet
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-1...F-16...B-52...
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: How is bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble
Q: What does Osama bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What's the difference between Christmas and Osama bin Laden?
A: There will be a Christmas in December
Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: Because the camels can't handle it
=======================
September 12, 2001
Dear Osama Bin Laden, Yasser Arafat, and Sadam Hussein, et. al.,
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time. Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.
While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your court now. Batter up.
Sincerely,
The 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America
====================
