Jokes for ^^

[Beebeeblue]

A doctor was having an affair with his Italian-born nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know when the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of all the child's expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home, and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard,and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER.
The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked her what she thought might have caused the cardiac arrest. The wife picked up the
card and read it to him: "Four Spaghettis: Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

 

[Beebeeblue]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Horny as hell he says "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says:
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, Dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's
sake tell the asshole to take his fucking hand off the intercom!"

 

[registered "^^"]

i knew you had some hidden away BBB........love those B"s
lil lic...

 

[Beebeeblue]

I thot that would make ya happy. Now bring me them ears, I feel like rubbin something.

 

[registered "^^"]

"PERK"

"^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"

 

[Beebeeblue]

Two blondes walk into a building.






















You think one wouldve seen it.



*ba-da-bump*

 

[Beebeeblue]

strange sex laws.........

1. In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with
animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual
relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like
THAT makes sense.)

2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's
genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during
the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Makes you hope you never need surgery!)

3. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a
corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the
deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all
times. (A brick??)

4. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Whoa!)

5. There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the
privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under
Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's
just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the
world that even comes close to this?)

6. In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any
manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

7. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but
only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

8. In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her
husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be
in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the
thought.)

9. In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex
with a woman and her
daughter at the same time. (This was a big enough problem
that they had to pass this law?)

10. In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending
machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed
from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic
beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this
a great country or what? ... Not as great as Guam, though.)

 

[registered "^^"]

Guam?

Always knew i should go there!

 

[Beebeeblue]

and another........

The Man From Pest Control
A woman was having a passionate affair with an
inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying
on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the
closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious, and
after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are
you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the
exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband
asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an
infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the
husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those
little bastards!"

 

[registered "^^"]

HEHEHE.......

 

[Beebeeblue]

You might wanna remember that if you know, you're ever in a jam.....

 

[Bluenose]

Love those jokes

 

[willywanker]

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asked how they all died in such a short period of time at the same address.

The first man said, "I suspected my wife of having an affair. I came home early one day and as I came in the door downstairs, I heard a door close upstairs. Looking around, I didn't see anyone until I saw this stranger standing below adjusting his tie. I picked up a refrigerator and hurled it over the landing at him, but had a heart attack and died."

The second man said, "I was running late to work. I ran up to the bus stop, still trying to get my clothes in order. From out of nowhere, this frig fell on my head and killed me."

Letting the first two in, St Peter turned to the last man who said, "Well, I was sitting in the refringerator, minding my own business...."

 

[sexy-girl]

hehe very funny except the blonde joke .. *huffs*

 

[morninggirl5]

Sure he was minding his own business.


So, Willy, which one of them were you?

 

[OUTSIDER]

There was once a huge sheep station in the outback of australia and on this station was a father and son, anyway one day the son walk's up to his dad and asks "dad whats this sex thing all about", well the father doesn't want to lie but he's afraid that if his boy finds out about sex he'll leave home so he tells him a little lie, "son girl's aren't like us blokes, where we've got a cock they've got a hole and they want you to put your cock in their hole but you must never do that cause they've got teeth in that hole and they'll bitee your cock off.

The son shaken thanks his dad and promises never to let a girl do that to him, time goes by and the father passes away and the son takes over the sheep station, but it's lonely in the middle of nowhere and one day he decides to go to town and find some company, in the local town he starts to see a girl and after a while they decide to get married.

After the wedding and the reception the newly weds go back home and prepare for bed, the girl get's in bed with her best "come fuck me" nightdress on and assumes the "Y" shape possition, her husband get's in bed pecks her on the cheek says goodnight and roll's over and is asleep almost at once, the girl thinks "thats funny but maybe he's tired" after all it's been a big day.

The next night the same thing happens and while he sleeps she thinks "well I'll let this go tonight" but tomorrow I will fuck him if it kills me, the third night comes along and as he's about to roll over and go to sleep the girl stops him and say's "hey on hold pal your supposed to be fucking me" he roll's over and with a fearful look in his eye says "no way, my dad told me about that, you girls have teeth down there", amazed the girl starts to laugh and says "don't be silly, of coarse we don't have teeth down there" he still looks uncertain and the girl say's "here have a look" and open's her legs and pulls up her nightdress.

The man looks and still seems unsure, so the girl say's "here have a feel", the thinks about it for a second and the decides to risk a finger, his little finger on his left hand (that one being on the least use and the one he could afford to lose) and feel's around the edge and just inside the girl's pussy, "look, no teeth" she say's and then he says "your right, no teeth but I'm not surprised...................look at the fucking state of your gums".

 

[OUTSIDER]

Bumping this up for other's to see.........Well it took me a fucking long time to type it out and I'll be fucked if I'm gonna let it slide off the BB

 

[willywanker]

Sure he was minding his own business.


So, Willy, which one of them were you?

MorningGirl, I'm the guy just trying to get to work,


















(Are they buying it????????)