Join me at the pity pool

[pleasteasme]

OK~ shitty day!
Visited 'home' and was given the 3rd degree as to why I do not have a bf, when I plan on getting one, getting married, having kids, etc. . . Christmas in January-wonderful!! (This has been a Christmas ritual for my relatives for the past oh, 5 years especially~not this year, and I thought I got off easy) huh!

Why is it that a person cannot be truly sucessful without the obove mentioned things?

Is it not good enough that I, single-handedly put myself through college? I have made something out of my life? I was able to move out of the little tiny armpit of California that was my birthplace? I got my degree and am getting my Masters?

Would I be sucessful in their eyes if I had stayed there, lived in a double wide, and had a litter of children and NOT gone to college and worked at the local supermarket?

and then this attack from my family has made me doubt myself. . .

Why am I alone?

I was even so bold to ask my mother this (she supports me, but always 'asks')

Her theory is that I am too independent and well, mean. *of course she tried to say this in a 'nice' way. LOL

WHAT? the hell does that mean? OK, I will admit that I am VERY independent and a little headstrong, but isn't that an admirable quality in a female?

I mean, I can take care of myself-I don't NEED anyone, not that I don't want anyone, I just don't NEED anyone to take care of me. Of course, I would like to have someone to share my life with, but the right person just has not materialized yet.

OK, what do you all think?

Maybe I am just having a poor me phase and need someone to tell me I am OK?

 

[seXieleXie]

*hug*

i'm sorr you've had such a shitty day. i don't think you're in a "poor me" phase. i think you are legitamitly upset about your family imposing an archaic measure of success on you. i'd be pissed too.

sounds to me like you are a very strong and successful woman. the world needs more of you. it's a shame your family doesn't see this.

*hug again*

hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[pleasteasme]

Thanx Lexie~

It makes me mad and very upset and drives me crazy!!! It seems that no matter what I do, certain relatives find anything in my life that has a 'hole' in it and point it out in order to make it into a gigantic hole-big enough for me to fall in. . .

Then, on top of it, I over-analyze things, what people say, how they say it, why they say it.

I think I think too much. . .

I should put on my armour and earplugs and ignore them?!

 

[Rhys]

WHAT? the hell does that mean? OK, I will admit that I am VERY independent and a little headstrong, but isn't that an admirable quality in a female?

I mean, I can take care of myself-I don't NEED anyone, not that I don't want anyone, I just don't NEED anyone to take care of me. Of course, I would like to have someone to share my life with, but the right person just has not materialized yet.

It is a tremendously admirable quality in a female. I admire that you are working on your Masters...no easy feat! Men believe it or not get this whine from their families...its the "When are you going to settle down and find a nice girl" whine. As I informed my relatives, I will get married when Hell freezes over or the Cubs win the world series, whichever comes first
In their day, successful meant graduating high school, creating a home and raising a family. Today, successful is how you define yourself. Since they were defined by someone else's definition of successful (eg what every one else was doing at the time) they don't know how to react when you define it for yourself.
They mean well and they *do* have your best interest at heart ...try to remember that when you want to hold all of them under until the bubbles stop.
Hang in there, be your own woman. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and no reason to feel bad.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Gosh, I thought things like this didn't happen anymore, Pleasteasme!

I grew up with the same family expectations, and went through phases of just opting out of family gatherings completely because I felt alone being with all my married cousins. I had hoped that things would have been easier for the generations behind me.

All I can say is to try to continue to be yourself (you are aware of your own accomplishments), and get your Masters. People shouldn't be in such a rush to settle down and marry while there is still the opportunities of educational growth and experiences.

Ironically, nowadays most of those married cousins "envy" my independence, some are divorced, and the rest are grandparents! Plus, without even looking for it, I have finally found the love of my life!

You are certainly "OK" and should be proud of yourself.

 

[pleasteasme]

All of those things make sense, especially about what their image of the 'sucessful woman' was in their day ~ it was very much so June Cleaver. That I definately am NOT!!

I know they care about me and just want to be sure that I am fine, but heck, I have been on my own, out of 'home' and hometown for nearly 7 years. You would think they would realize that yes, I have grown up, can do my own laundry and take my own vehicle in to get an oil change. . .

In their day and time, the world was very male dominated. It still is to some extent. *I know that will rile some feathers on here* but the balance of power is more in equilibrium among males and females than it ever has been before.

It just drives me absolutely up the wall when I get the third degree like this. . .I feel like breaking up into a raving lunatic, grabbing one of them and throttling them. Of course, what I would really love to do is come up with an excellent remark to this question.

I usually answer with, "I have been focusing on school", "All of the good ones are taken", or even lay down in the gutter and flat out lie, "yes, I am dating someone. . ." only to lie about the subsequent break-up. I did the last one only once, it almost killed me because I had forgotten I told them that at Thanksgiving! *#1 reason not to lie!!!*

It is all sooo crazy. . .

 

[TigerClaw]

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