Job hunting?

[Weird Harold]

For Xander and Bobtoad to assist in their job searches:

Job History

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

You got any ideas? I'm open for suggestions .........maybe you have something that WORKS.......... because I don't.

 

[Bobtoad777]

that brought a tear to my eye Wierd Harold

 

[Svedish_Chef]

The only job I could get at the moment is a sex worker... cause I dont have to fit in all of the time... just half is good enough

 

[Weird Harold]

that brought a tear to my eye Wierd Harold

A tear of laughter I hope. It's not quite as hopless as this list makes it seem.

 

[Xander]

Cool WH. Briught a smile to my face.

"Aber abeit mach keined man als frei als dises macht mir"

 

[BrainyBeauty]

More jobs-and more laughs. Good luck Xander and Bob

WH- I saw that a few weeks ago. Very cute!
May I add a few that I came up with on my own?

Now I'm a computer systems analyst, I would say it bytes, but that's not PC.

I used to work in a department store selling hats, but I was clearly in over my head.

So I moved to the lingerie department, and got pink slipped.

I also tried selling shoes, but eventually got the boot.

Finally, I was working in security. I used to spend hours watching the men's dressing rooms and, oh... forget that one.

Through with department stores, I worked in a salsa factory but couldn't stand the Pace.

I became a race car driver, but couldn't stay on track.

When I was telemarketing, I got fired because I liked to phone it in.

So I became a stock broker, but wasn't doing my share and became an expendable commodity.

I used to be a kiln operator until I was fired.

Believe it or not, for a time my boyfriend was a male gigolo working out of a bank. He kept getting penalized because his clients were losing interest due to early withdrawals. But at least he never had to sell short.

 

[Xander]

Uhm BrainyBeauty...you shouldn't by any chance have a job opening??

 

[Bobtoad777]

ROTFLMAO

 

[Sammyjo]

I have a job opening, but I can't give you the details...I know how you like surprises

 

[Skibum]

Need a job?

Join the Army. It's not just a job, it's an adventure!

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

Xander

Join the Navy...just don't bind over!!!

 

[Bobtoad777]

xander can have the army navy military jobs they would boot me out after a week, don't have a body for it

 

[Xander]

xander can have the army navy military jobs they would boot me out after a week, don't have a body for it

ROTFLMAO......And you think I do????

 

[Bobtoad777]

I thought you came from one of those great european{sp?} countries that wonderfully instills{sp?} a firm disciplined physcial excerise program from the day babyies are born. Thus making you a true speciman of what humanity can be. Don't tell me its all lies

 

[Xander]

Nope Bob. Sorry to disappoint you. We just made a car so damn expensive so we can't afford it, and then have to ride a bike, walk, skate or run to where you wanna go.

Does wonders to the muscle structure

So here, all the fat dudes and dudettes are the ones who never goes around the block without driving in their car.

 

[BrainyBeauty]

Let the interview begin!

Uhm BrainyBeauty...you shouldn't by any chance have a job opening??

Xander:

There are positions open and available.

I do believe, however, that since you are the job applicant, it is your responsibility to demonstrate your abilities by way of sharing your experiences. You need to convey your willingness to be a team player and do anything it takes to help me remain on top.

You should provide proof of what skills you bring to the, ahem, table. Show me some good, strong arguments why I should hire you over other potential candidates.

Then we can begin negotiations.

 

[Xander]

BrainyBeauty

You tell me specifics, and we deal

But I can tell you for startes. IF you wish to remain on top for the next Millenia, I am you guy.

As for team playing....well. I make the Olympic team look like arogant individualist whose only goal is self satisfaction.
Me, I work for the greater cause, and thus. Have out smarted even the Gods in heaven.

As for what I bring to the uhm...table. That is up to you.
If I don't have it, you don't want it

So let's hear it. Specifics please

 

[BrainyBeauty]

Job requirements

X-man:

The exceptional candidate will possess a thorough and well-rounded education. He will be intelligent, charming, have an unequaled sense of humor. Possess the ability to conduct business in private and public situations and will move comfortably in both worlds. Knowledgeable in all areas.

Outstanding computer, phone and interpersonal skills are a must. Must be creative, demonstrate initiative, be willing to take a hands-on approach to most projects.

A self-starter with proven team-building capabilities. Highly motivated individual with strong skill sets. No objections to working long, hard hours. Experience a definite plus, but will train.

Benefits = very casual, relaxed dress code. Great atmosphere. Direct reporting relationship. Many other standard and extraordinary perquisites to be discussed in subsequent interviews.