Jealousy continued

[Guest]

Blacksnake's thread had to do with a very particular situation for him, but I found some of the replies more interesting in general so decided to post a new thread. I have experienced many levels of jealousy and come to understand it for myself, and will say more later. Below is a quiz which I answered the way I would want 'my man' to answer. I'll start with the site's blurb on jealousy, followed by 'my' results (which pleased and surprized me). - Perdita

About Jealousy

Most everyone experiences a visit from jealousy, the nasty green-eyed monster, at some point in their lives - whether it's over a best friend's career success or a gorgeous person flirting with their loved one. We tend to think of jealousy as a single emotion, but it is actually a mixture of a whole bunch of feelings; it can manifest itself as sadness, hurt, anxiety, fear, loneliness, paranoia, self-doubt, anger, and even extreme rage. While we can't necessarily stop this unpleasant sentiment from dropping in from time to time, we can control how we choose to act when it hits. When it consumes our thoughts or triggers behavior that can harm relationships or another person, that's when jealousy is truly a monster. The first step in breaking free from jealousy's grip is recognizing the problem, which your results on the Jealousy Test will help you do. The second is taking a deeper look at the real root of the problem: for every jealous feeling there is an emotion lurking behind that is much more significant than the jealousy itself. Jealousy is just the finger pointing at the fears that we are afraid to face. More often than not, the culprit is a feeling of low self-worth and a fear that we are not good enough to hold on to the things that matter most to us.

Results of Your Jealousy Test: 14 (on a scale from 1 to 100)

What does your score mean?
Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.

Quiz for het men

 

[doormouse]

Your score = 26






What does your score mean?
Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You fit right into this usual range - certain situations may spark feelings of jealousy, but generally you are not preoccupied with the fear of losing your partner. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are secure, strong, independent and rational enough to recognize the possibility of losing your partner to someone else, but not be consumed by it. That does not mean that you do not care; you would certainly be as sad or crushed as anybody else. However, you know that if it ever happens, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else. Such feelings give you a sense of security and the strength to trust, and allow you to be comfortable in the relationship. That, in turn, boosts the chances of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.


PMSL at some of the options LOL

 

[Clare Quilty]

Your score = 2

Had I taken this test 15 years ago, I would have scored much higher. However, I'm in my mid-30s now. These days I have a much more realistic perspective on social interaction and I tend to let things beyond my personal control slide.

 

[R. Richard]

Your score = 28

An interesting parlor game but not really useful. Social situations are very complex and difficult to analyze. The short answer to a question is ridiculous. What if the man's voice on the telephone was clearly a very old man? What if the man's voice on the telephone was clearly confrontational and designed to provke the male answering? There is an entire range of responses, depending on shades of meaning here.

A similar situation exists with the flirting partner.

 

[Guest]

Doorm said, “PMSL at some of the options”. Yeah, but for me some of them would have rung true in the past. In my twenties, when I was ripening into my neuroses, plus extremely ignorant about myself, I suffered more not knowing I wasn’t really insane. I was tortured by jealousy at times and had no outlet but anger and depression.

One time I dreamed my lover was unfaithful and when I woke up next to him it took real energy to not start punching him. I think it took half a day to get over it, and of course he had no clue why or what I was acting out. He wasn’t even the roaming eye type so I knew my emotions were totally off the wall, though at the time I didn’t know what the fuck the wall was. I can still recall a couple other moments when I instantly felt insane with jealousy, but I later learned it had more to do with my insecurity than the reality of the time.

Through the years as I learned more about myself and the workings of my psyche the jealous feelings diminished to nearly nil. I am still insecure about relationships (whether with males or females), but I am more secure with myself so I think it’s balanced out rather well. I think at the most I get twinges still but I ride them out, or even laugh at them, as if they weren’t really part of me, more like a virus or an annoying pest.

Perdita

 

[trendyredhead]

Your score = 7

What does your score mean?
Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.


----- very little bothers me.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I can still recall a couple other moments when I instantly felt insane with jealousy, but I later learned it had more to do with my insecurity than the reality of the time. Perdita

Perdita,

I do believe that thought hit the nail on the head with a twelve pound sledge hammer.

Rumple (score = 1) Foreskin

 

[Guest]

My score - 17

Interesting test - thanks, 'dita!

I loved the question "if your mate is going to be gone for two weeks will you be bothered?"

LOL - Of course I'd be bothered. I'd miss his ass!

But do I believe he would try to chase everything in a skirt while he was gone? Nope.

'Cause if that happened once he got home I'd certainly kick his ass!

~Must be true love~

 

[Edward Teach]

Your score = 20


What does your score mean?
Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.


Ed

 

[Guest]

I'd like to hear more than merely everyone's score and what the test site said. Of course if you don't want to say, that's fine, but I'm very interested in a real discussion about jealousy. Thanks, P.

 

[BlackSnake]

Your score = 0 Your score



What does your score mean?

Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.

Perdita, I just had that conversation with my wife a few hours ago, but the test is lacking.

1. Your girlfriend/wife is in another room. The phone rings and you answer it. It's a male voice (you don't recognize it) and he wants to talk to your girlfriend/wife. It appears they are on a first name basis.

There are still people that my wife knows that I don't. I always ask who's call and announce who it is in case she doesn't want to talk to them. I would get annoyed if she just handed me the phone.

2. Your wife/girlfriend and you are at a party. An attractive man is flirting with her and she seems to be flirting back.

"I wouldn't pay attention to them and would go on with my own fun." Is the only way I could answer that. We talk and have fun with other people. Sometimes we don't like the same people. I wouldn't make her feel like she had to be joined at my hip. I would check her out, because she's really hot to me and I don't think I'm the only one that thinks so.

3. Accidentally, you find out that your wife/girlfriend confided in her friend that she had a sexual dream about her favorite actor.

I'm thinking....so? Ingoring it is the best I could do on this one. What I wouldn't want is to have her to think that I was easedropping.

4. Your wife/girlfriend has to leave the town for two weeks to go on a business trip (business meeting, workshop, convention etc.).

My wife goes out of town to visit relatives with her mother and sister often. She's been gone as long as a week and ahalf. I would feel sorry for her if she didn't enjoy herself.

edited to add:

What came out of our conversation is that we tell each other things. At least, we will try to. We don't have a superficial relationship. Otherwise, why in the hell would she want to be with me...LOL

 

[alyxen]

My score was 22. I have to say I was a bit surprised by that. While I don't like to admit to it, I tend to be on the jealous side, and I did my best to answer honestly.

As Perdita pointed out earlier, I believe every shred of any jealousy I ever feel stems from my insecurities and self-esteem (or lack thereof). I completely trust my wife and know that she loves me (why else would she put up with me for all these years? ) and would never purposefully do anything to hurt me.

I am not sure if that makes my feelings something other than jealousy or what. No clue what else to describe it as.

 

[doormouse]

I'm not normally jealous.. with my ex, I honestly prayed he'd find someone else and just LEAVE!!!

Now, LDW on the other hand... if another girl tried to get her hands on him... I'd rip her throat out

I wrote a poem a while back... I guess this sums it up LOL


Dare to Dream

May you wake up to a glorious day
May you rise feeling the spirits guide your way
May you cherish the day with a smile
May you be blessed with grace and your style

Bless you with your inner glory
Bless all that is you, your own true story
Bless the ground your feet dare to seek
Bless that your knees don't buckle weak

Dare to show off your inner self
Dare not to be left upon a shelf
Dare to find your heart's desire
Dare to seek thee who sets you afire

Should he be mine? You seek, you woe
Should he be my man, you'll suffer my foe
Should he relent himself to your selfish desire?
Should you awake when your bed is on fire?

Dare to tread where your loose self has been
Dare to face the loss then I screen

To the world I'll show your selfish ways
To the world I'll reveal your selfless portrays

Mike is mine and to the world I declare
Predators... you had better beware.

Oh, by the way, I love you baby ;-)

(Here's one I wrote for my ex )

I say a little prayer

I pray you stand
on a cold, stormy night
as lightening strikes
with precise aim

I pray your cock
falls off and rots
limp and withered
as usual, lame

I pray you sleep
in a nice warm bed
heated by the flicker
of a fulgent flame

I pray for a hand
to reach from the grave
and pull you back
from whence you came


Amen.

 

[Guest]

I answered completely honestly and my score was 26, lower than I thought it would be, in actual fact (of course, I swapped the genders around, for the purposes of taking the test as a het. female).

Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You fit right into this usual range - certain situations may spark feelings of jealousy, but generally you are not preoccupied with the fear of losing your partner. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are secure, strong, independent and rational enough to recognize the possibility of losing your partner to someone else, but not be consumed by it. That does not mean that you do not care; you would certainly be as sad or crushed as anybody else. However, you know that if it ever happens, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else. Such feelings give you a sense of security and the strength to trust, and allow you to be comfortable in the relationship. That, in turn, boosts the chances of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Lou

 

[pop_54]

Well I answered perfectly honestly... but then I didn't see anything in the test that a rational person should worry over much about... Flirting with friends etc, who doesn't... taking a fancy to an actor / actress, come on pure fantasy or what... Going away on business, hell you'd wind up in a nuthouse if you worried about that sort of thing all the time... Where was walking in and catching her with a bloke 6 inches up her and grunting like a pig... That might induce a little feeling with some people... especially if she hadn't booked the bedroom that night.

Oh score = 7 Site said =

Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You, on the other hand, appear to have a complete lack of jealous feelings. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are extremely secure, strong, and independent. You know that if your partner ever leaves you, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else.

 

[vargas111]

My score was 8 and tht i think was becaseu I had to nswer somenthing about the wife is flirting with someone question. In fact I'd love to see my wife exibit any sexual interest in anyone! Maybe some would spill out onto me.

 

[alyxen]

Small thread de-railer to shudder at Tatelou's new spider AV


Make it stop!

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

sweet's man is the jeoulous type. She's come to terms with it. You guys are all a bit to healthy on the green-eyed tip

for het female:

http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/jealousy_wom_abridged_access.html


Lastly, if you are gay/m or gay/f go to 'take another test' and click on the personality test menu to sellect the right quiz

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Well, it's interesting. I got a 13.

I just like the beauty of that being the perfectly legitimate score for a test I've taken. Anyway, back to some semblance of a point.

The test says that I'm jealousy-free which I guess is the case. If I actually trust someone into that role or into the role of one of my friends, I tend to overtrust them. Usually I am proven correct in this ubertrust, though I know I have also been taken advantage of sometimes. I also think a bit of my general distrust of the world probably aids me in not feeling jealous. I think a bit of me always assumes that it will all end horribly so that I'm not so surprised when it does and I don't spend my time looking for it for fear I'll find it sooner.

Overall, interesting quiz, though I think I got most of my points on the party flirting one, though I don't see anything wrong with joining the conversation if they both look a bit tipsy, which is generally when most flirty behavior at parties begins.

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

The test says that I'm jealousy-free which I guess is the case. If I actually trust someone into that role or into the role of one of my friends, I tend to overtrust them. Usually I am proven correct in this ubertrust, though I know I have also been taken advantage of sometimes. I also think a bit of my general distrust of the world probably aids me in not feeling jealous. I think a bit of me always assumes that it will all end horribly so that I'm not so surprised when it does and I don't spend my time looking for it for fear I'll find it sooner.

I think that makes you an 'optimistic fatalist'- you already know it's going to end eventually so enjoy it while it can right? I'm kind of like that too, and people misinterpret it as bleeker than it is. Everything ends, and theirs no point in getting tied up in the false belief that 'everything is always going to be as wonderful as it is today.' But that doesn't meant for a second that you shouldn't enjoy today right? And on top of that everything usually always ends badly, otherwise why would it end right? But I babble...

Overall, interesting quiz, though I think I got most of my points on the party flirting one, though I don't see anything wrong with joining the conversation if they both look a bit tipsy, which is generally when most flirty behavior at parties begins.

I don't think their is either. In fact, I think maybe there should be a low score that says: Sucker, you are completly oblivious. Its a good thing you don't care because your S/O is already sleeping with your best friend! And it's all on account of the fact that you keep encouraging them to spend more time 'getting to know each other'

Not that trust is a bad thing, or that being jealous ever stopped anyone from cheating, but you don't want to be *so* non-jealous that you start taking the other person for granted either.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the link, Sweets/MMH. Another factor which the test can't take into consideration is who one's lover/SO is. I took the test with my last husband (Mr. Unfaithful) in mind and got a 24. The number doesn't speak so much to jealousy as about my reasonable doubts of him. E.g., Whenever a friend or his brother or mom called it was obvious and afterwards he'd talk about the call. Then there were the times he'd answer and his voice would change (physically), his side of the conversation would become monosyllabic, and afterwards he'd leave the room.

I took the test thinking of a man I trust and got a 4.

Perdita

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

I got a 35, but I think I might have underestemated my reaction to some of the questions.

Most people experience a certain amount of fear that their loved one could leave them for someone else. After all, these things happen, and when they do, it is usually very painful. You fit right into this usual range - certain situations may spark feelings of jealousy, but generally you are not preoccupied with the fear of losing your partner. If you were honest with yourself while taking the test, this means that you are secure, strong, independent and rational enough to recognize the possibility of losing your partner to someone else, but not be consumed by it. That does not mean that you do not care; you would certainly be as sad or crushed as anybody else. However, you know that if it ever happens, you will survive with your self-esteem and dignity intact. You realize that even though you might love your partner very much, s/he is not the only fish in the sea, and that you would eventually find happiness with someone else. Such feelings give you a sense of security and the strength to trust, and allow you to be comfortable in the relationship. That, in turn, boosts the chances of a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I think that makes you an 'optimistic fatalist'- you already know it's going to end eventually so enjoy it while it can right? I'm kind of like that too, and people misinterpret it as bleeker than it is. Everything ends, and theirs no point in getting tied up in the false belief that 'everything is always going to be as wonderful as it is today.' But that doesn't meant for a second that you shouldn't enjoy today right? And on top of that everything usually always ends badly, otherwise why would it end right? But I babble...

Aye, "dark romanticism" "ironically hopeful" "optimistic fatalist" and all those other bastard children of the sunny days of pure optimism. Aye, it applies, that it does. "Enjoy today, because tommorrow is gonna suck." There's my contribution to the quotable list.

I don't think their is either. In fact, I think maybe there should be a low score that says: Sucker, you are completly oblivious. Its a good thing you don't care because your S/O is already sleeping with your best friend! And it's all on account of the fact that you keep encouraging them to spend more time 'getting to know each other'

Not that trust is a bad thing, or that being jealous ever stopped anyone from cheating, but you don't want to be *so* non-jealous that you start taking the other person for granted either.

LOL. Yeah, that should be an option. I'm all for complete and unconditional trust, but there should be some semblance of common sense. Unless you are into threesomes and the like, it's probably a good idea to keep an eye on your S.O. when they are tipsy at a party because they may do something they might regret in the morning. It's simple watching out for your loved one, not jealousy.

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

LOL. Yeah, that should be an option. I'm all for complete and unconditional trust, but there should be some semblance of common sense. Unless you are into threesomes and the like, it's probably a good idea to keep an eye on your S.O. when they are tipsy at a party because they may do something they might regret in the morning. It's simple watching out for your loved one, not jealousy.

I have an ex who was 'friends' with this girl. She was certain health problems, he was taking her to her doctor appointments and he would *ask* me if it was ok. and of course she had no one else, and he felt bad for her and he had already promised anyway, bla, bla bla. A female relative of hers kept telling me something was going on, but I just kept trusting him...

They didn't end up together or anything, but as you probably guessed, there was a lot more going on than innocent friendship. Anyway, it's ok if my bf has female friends, but *don't* ask me if it's ok w/ me that you hang out with her. That puts me in the position where I either have to be a bitch or a dope. If you are not doing anything wrong, don't ask permission and don't appologize. If you are doing something wrong, I'm not going to be the one to give my 'permission.'

Too bad for the rest of the world that has to interact with me, but I can never be *that* trusting again.

"Enjoy today, because tommorrow is gonna suck." There's my contribution to the quotable list.

"Once bitten, twice shy" that's mine

 

[Match Made In Heaven]

My new, more realistic score is 61:

You, however, are slightly more preoccupied than most with the thought of losing your partner, whether that fear is conscious or subconscious. While you are not living in a constant state of fear, your jealousy may be putting a strain on your relationship...especially if your partner is not willing to play along. Some work on your self-esteem and communication skills could help you to feel stronger and more independent. In turn, you would realize that if you ever lost your mate to someone else, you could survive with your dignity intact.

(HIs is probably slightly higher, lol)