Jack and Diane

[torchthebitch]

This is a mea culpa to those who have read the first chapter of my first story.

I found this site and thought I would try my hand at writing. Jack and Diane is my first effort to make it onto the board. When I saw my first chapter was five A4 pages long I thought I had done really well. The second was 2 pages long and since that was a lot when I was at school I thought I was all set. Chapters 3 and 4 were written and I was feeling pretty smug. Then the first chapter was posted and I discovered that five A4 pages didn't even make one page of Lit. I withdrew chapter 2 because it was so short. I wasn't quick enough and it appeared for about a day before it was taken down.

I have now submitted it along with chapters 3 and 4. The story is finished but I am currently tweaking it to make it more readable and it will be posted very shortly.

The first story that I wrote is currently being edited and it will be posted in its entirety as will future stories.

I apologise to those who read ch 1 and have had to wait for the rest of the story. Thanks to all those who commented or emailed with comments, your encouragement is greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy the rest of it and I am looking forward to your comments, (good or ill).

Ch 01
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=333072
Ch 02-04
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=337986


ttb

 

[Emerald_Dragon]

You didn't tell me that you had put it up!!! I liked it!! More please!!!!

 

[tickledkitty]

Funny how that works, isn't it? You've written your little fingers off, only to discover you've got ONE Lit page. I'm always surprised by it too.

 

[torchthebitch]

Third part Ch 05-07 have been submitted. I put up alink once it's approved and posted

 

[sr71plt]

Length doesn't really have much to do with the quality of a story (although, of course, it could be too short to be able to be a story, or so long and dense it puts the reader to sleep). The storytelling is what's important. I hope you pulled it because you realized it wasn't completely developed--padding of words just to have it longer likely would make it worse.

 

[torchthebitch]

Length doesn't really have much to do with the quality of a story (although, of course, it could be too short to be able to be a story, or so long and dense it puts the reader to sleep). The storytelling is what's important. I hope you pulled it because you realized it wasn't completely developed--padding of words just to have it longer likely would make it worse.

Thanks. I pulled it chapter 2 because it was too short. The comments I got for the very short time it was up were favourable. When I re-posted it I changed three words because the grammar was bad. I then posted it with the next two chapters rather than add to it. You're quite right about padding. I will admit that I nearly fell into that trap, but what stopped me was the fact that people had already read it. So I think I was lucky.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Torch,

Repeat after me: Count not, lest ye be counted out. But if you must, then count words--not pages.

There are approximately 200 words per A4 page. A "page" at Literotica runs over 3000 words. All that is subject to change due to factors such as the amount of dialogue.

The minimum number of words required for a Lit story is 750.

Bottom line, unless you're working on a piece of flash fiction with a very specific maximum word count, don't sweat the word count. The story, and your ability to tell it, is crucial. The number of words you use, isn't.

In this story, there's a lot of movement, but not much forward motion. For instance, why give such a detailed description of the motel room? The opening is a whole lot of tell and not much show. Why not use dialogue to let readers "see" the scene where Jack's told to hit the road, instead of telling them what happened with narrative?

That said, your writing has real potential. The type of things I mentioned can be learned. You use language well. Practice and study the "craft" of writing and things will begin falling into place for you.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Personally I like stories of one Lit Page. Almost all of mine are that length. The way I see it, the reader is here to be entertained. They want to sit down and read something in just a short while, then move on. So, one Lit page, say 2600-3100 words seems right to me.

I've seen Lit stories that are four and five pages long. I wonder if they ever do actually get read.

 

[torchthebitch]

RF
Basically what I was aiming for was a sense that Jack was shocked by what had happened. Also that he understood it and was trying to divert himself to prevent loss of self control. By doing things and thinking about the minutiae he avoided facing the reality. By getting totally drunk he was getting through the lonely night.

He faced the new day by clearing the toxins of the previous night and symbolically, of the previous relationship, in preparation for dealing with the situation.

RF and JJ

I got a fair few comments saying that I hadn't posted enough. I took that to mean I hadn't posted enough of the story. I made an elementary mistake. I thought that five pages was a lot. Now I know different. Having been told that, it occurred to me, I could have done a word count on a story already posted. I didn't.

Who knows, maybe if I'd written more when I was at school...

 

[torchthebitch]

Link for the third part

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=340139

 

[torchthebitch]

Right. Clearly I'm doing something wrong. I am inserting section dividers in my chapters for changes in the timeframe but these are not being carried through to the posted version. This is making it difficult for readers. Can anyone advise me what I'm doing wrong?

 

[mjl2010]

Personally I like stories of one Lit Page. Almost all of mine are that length. The way I see it, the reader is here to be entertained. They want to sit down and read something in just a short while, then move on. So, one Lit page, say 2600-3100 words seems right to me.

I've seen Lit stories that are four and five pages long. I wonder if they ever do actually get read.

I know a lot of people like short quick stories and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of folks with longer stories break them up to be shorter, about one or two pages long.

But longer stories do get reads and votes. My story Snapshots continues to get reads and votes even being seven pages long. It is posted in the novels/novellas category so people reading there do expect stories to be longer.

Snapshots has just under 14,000 reads/views and 57 votes (down from 61 after the last sweep). I know, I know, nothing like a story in Incest/Taboo but, I don't care. I get what seems to be good feedback on it.

You won't get the votes or the reads or views in that category, but it seems like what you do get is a lack of trolls and readers looking for a quick stroke. I still get about ten to twenty reads a month on Snapshots, one to three votes a month and surprisingly, a proposition here or there .

MJL

 

[NorCalGirl]

Personally I like stories of one Lit Page. Almost all of mine are that length. The way I see it, the reader is here to be entertained. They want to sit down and read something in just a short while, then move on. So, one Lit page, say 2600-3100 words seems right to me.

I've seen Lit stories that are four and five pages long. I wonder if they ever do actually get read.

I've got several favorite authors who usually submit multi-page chapters, and when that happens I'm thrilled. Example: VarianP. Then again, I usually prefer multi-chapter stories, and if the chapter ends too quickly, I feel disappointed. But I know a lot of readers would like a quick read and then be done.

 

[torchthebitch]

I finally got the next bit of J & D up

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=361242

I have also submitted a story called Overwatch

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=328298

 

[torchthebitch]

This is for all those who sent me anonymous feedback

Hello.

I am very sorry that I have not replied to you all sooner. Furthermore I apologise that this is in the form of a round-robin rather than an individual e-mail.

This is an apology to you all that I have not completed Jack and Diane. Long story short I have had two computers go bluescreen and I have lost the original ending. That left me with my work computer and my daughters laptop, neither of which I could use to write. Then the dog sent the laptop flying and it now has a broken power plug which keeps dropping out.

I now have access to a computer on which I can write and am trying to complete the story from memory. Naturally of course other things have come to mind in between times and I am trying to make it as true to the original as possible.

My second story, Overwatch was intended to be complete in itself but as so many have pointed out that it stops abruptly I plan to write a sequal. I'm not quite sure where it will go but it will not be done until J&D is finished. I hope to have that posted by the end of the month. I don't want to leave you all hanging on any longer.

I promise that any future stories will be completed before they are posted and if they are more akin to the novella form, the chapters will be submitted within a day of each other.

Part of my problem, to begin with, was that I had my first submission rejected and I wanted to make sure J&D was posted in the correct order. I am not sure that the reviewers on the site would hold a chapter back if the previous one was rejected. Since I seem to have resolved the problems with my writing that caused this I am more confident about future work.

Once more, I am sorry you have had to wait. I hope you will think the ending is fitting.



For those who are interested the final part has been submtted. Once posted I'll put a link in place.

 

[torchthebitch]

The final part has been approved and posted. Here's the link

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=379038

your comments are welcome

 

[torchthebitch]

No man is an island. Events affect us. In this story events set in train by another forced Jack, with the help of his friends, to redirect his life.

Young Jack took direct action. An older and wiser Jack, with family responsibilities, had to moderate his vengence.

The cheating wife scenario often visits the theme of secret knowledge. Here Jack possesses the secret knowledge of how he extracted his revenge on both Peter and Diane. Some readers seem to have missed how Jack reduced the clientele for Peter's gym and misunderstood how he continued to visit the gym to enjoy the schadenfreud.

Jack realised that he had to get Diane out of his life. To do that he had to ensure that she had something to occupy her. She got her business, but the price was that she lost the only real asset she got from the settlement. She had to sell the Devon property at a knockdown price on a timetable that was not hers.

As some of you have noted the epilogue encapsulates what had been three other chapters. These were lost when my computer crashed. I produced the synopsis to round off the story and keep you all from waiting any longer. I intend to try to re-write these and publish the amended ending.

Why did Camilla and David suddenly become homosexual? They always were. That's why Jack was so special to them. He didn't judge them at all.

My aim was a story based as much as possible in reality. But don't worry. I have a dark side.