I've lost the touch

[wanderwonder]

I've been an absentee member of the Lit community for a year, and I think I've lost the fire. I wrote a story about a year ago called "Bunny." One year and a half later I finally posted the sequel. I read through it just to make sure I hadn't made any unbearable mistakes, and realized that I was bored. I was not yet past the first page. Yikes.

Considering that there's a part three in the works I'd really appreciate some feedback on the chapter. I'd love to know what, if anything, the collective you would be interested in seeing from the story and how it could improve. Improve=not so damn boring. If you're one of millions who hasn't read it yet the link is: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=428726

Any and all constructive criticism will be received with upturned palms and a bow from the waist. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.

-ww

 

[GeorgieH]

No you haven't...

Hi WW,

Your post intrigued me. Enough, in fact, for me to click the link and have a little browse.

For fairly obvious reasons, the genre is not one that I would normally read, but I was nevertheless hooked from the first couple of paragraphs. You, fellow scribe, have an accomplished, engaging, intriguing and highly professional style of writing. You also have characters that are never less than fully-formed and three-dimensional - indeed, Tucker is one of the best realised characters I have seen on Lit.

I like to write from an emotion base, allowing my characters to drive my stories through their feelings and reactions to the situations I place them in - but you take this to a higher plane, and the insights you provide into your characters' minds is superbly executed.

My latest story is deliberately long and detailed, dwelling on my lead character's thoughts and emotions - and when I read through the finished work, I became convinced that it might well bore the casual reader. I realise that this is partly because, by the third edit, I no longer have the desire to read on because I know what will happen. I think that this might be why you expressed the doubts in your post, because your story is certainly one of the most literate and engaging stories I have ever read here.

My own doubts about my latest offering have now been dispelled thanks to more than 300 votes at an average of 4.7, 13 comments all at 100%, and more than fifty feedback emails that were effusive in their praise. I have absolutely no qualms in saying that your story deserves a better response and even higher praise.

Your writing is the only example I have found that makes me want to read more about a genre that otherwise holds no interest for me whatsoever. It takes writing quality of the highest order for me to think that way - and I thank you, most sincerely, for your offering. It really does put the 'lit' in literotica.

Georgie
(female, 28, heterosexual, and your newest fan)
xxx

 

[wanderwonder]

Arigatou

Thanks for responding! I really appreciate that you took the time. Honestly, I hadn't considered that I could be bored because I had read it too many times already. Odd concept.

Nevertheless, I'm still afeared (as we say in my native state) that the last chapter will fall completely flat. I'm not entirely sure how to bring a character-driven story to anything close to a climax. I have scenes upon scenes of normal interactions, but nothing particularly attention-grabbing. Any advice?

Thanks again,

ww

 

[sr71plt]

Are you pulling our legs, or is this a new way of advertising? You got "Es" for both segments of the story and they both are registering as hot with the readers. What validation are you lacking? My only suggestion on sustaining levels of interest/quality through a series and to decide how best to end it is not to start posting it until it's finished. That also wouldn't leave your readers hanging forever waiting for the next segment--or just losing interest while they're waiting.

 

[wanderwonder]

Nope, I is genuines

I did write the original post before I had positive ratings, so I apologize if it seems like I'm fishing for compliments. I don't know how Es are awarded. The best I could guess is that it's for the things which is what I may do good, which is, obviously, my grammar and, punctuation. An E doesn't mean an H will follow.

Thanks, though, for the advice, Senior Pilot (is that for what that stands?). Always helpful to know that I started off wrong.

 

[BrettJ]

Don't sweat the small stuff - there are times where it drives me crazy that with 237 stories posted on LIT and over 100 H's, I have yet to EVER receive an E. Then my mind goes to all the positives - I was at one point very high up on LIT's favorite authors list, I get fan mail on average of once a week and it led to a professional career. Does it still bug me? Yep - but readers cum and go [ pun intended ] on this site all the time.

BrettJ

Author / Creator / Sensualist

 

[wanderwonder]

Doumo

Thanks for the responses, all. I intended to say so soon, but my rabbit peed on my damn modem. What kind of rabbit pees on a modem? Apparently something about it said, "I smell of human. Mark me as yours, fuzzy creature." I do appreciate the words of wisdom from those more experienced than I.

ww

 

[BrettJ]

As I said earlier, don't sweat it. Writers are ego-driven, we like the feedback and applause, yet we can be too hard on ourselves. I am taking a mini-break from writing at the moment because I want to take care with the current piece and yet I know I have yet to EVER have my publisher say "no" to a story.

BrettJ

Author / Awake / Sensualist

 

[penandpaper]

It's not my genre, but your story read well. You've done a great, and I do mean great, job at character development. The interplay within the MC's head was excellently done, both at showing his maturity level and frustration with his situation.

The BJ scene at the end was described in great detail as well. In particular, you seem to have a knack for portraying your character's emotions while they are making love. That is a gift.

Overall, great job with virtually everything: conflict, settings, characters. Keep up the good work. I wish you well.

 

[RFitzgerald]

Also note that if you feel chapter 3 wont live up to your standards, it does not necessarily need to be posted. Where you left chapter 2 was conclusive enough (for me anyway).

Your stories were truly excellent, perhaps the best I have read. If you are only writing this because you feel you have to, it may not be up to your usual standards. Once again you may not feel this is the case, but it most certainly is the case for me.


If you want feedback- I cannot speak higher of your work. You paint such a clear picture of your characters, and their experiences. Best of all the characters are so...real. It is all too easy to get sucked in to the fairytale ending- to make your characters problems all dissapear with the turn of a page. This series did not, and it is all the better for it. I just hope (selfishly) that this isnt the case in chapter 3.

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

I thought it was erudite, evocative and beautifully cohesive. Also, it was fairly adorable without being twee, which is difficult to pull off in a story with any serious degree of intellectual self-awareness. It always risks developing preciousness, which you have admirably avoided.

In terms of sexual dynamic I tend to preferentially incline toward the polarity of equals in my own writing, but in your particular voice I found the issues of control and submission to be compelling.

Mlle

 

[wanderwonder]

Shucks, guys

If I weren't so brown my cheeks would be pink. I truly appreciate that you took the time to investigate the source of what might at first seem to be a plaintive post, to take it seriously, and to respond. It's more encouraging than you know. I take it back. You're authors. You get it. So, thanks.

I would like to know what the average Joe/Josephine would want to see in chapter 3. I only split the sequel into a third part because it was getting too damn long; hell, there wasn't really ever going to be a part two. The way I've written it leaves sex as a denouement rather than the story's climax. However, there's no turning yet, just a bunch of little scenes that go nowhere. Climax, climax. Am I just dumb that I can't think of a good climax between an overbearing man, a baby sub who might be going abroad and a kid in the middle of self-discovery? You'd think it'd write itself. You'd be a little bit wrong.

Once again, I give you the full bow from the waist in deepest thanks. I rain blessings upon you and your families and sheep herds and shepherds, and not just because I'm sleeping with one of the shepherds.

 

[angrypost]

Dear Wanderwonder,
I'm a huge fan of your work. With the Bunny series perhaps you may be suffering from the fear of letting your fans down. That will happen when you create such likable characters as Tucker and the oh so charming Mr. Hale. Yeah, I'm on team Hale. You've done a fantastic job of developing Tucker's character without drawing away from the "I've-got-to-reach-into-my-pants" urge. I would really enjoy reading some flashbacks. For example, what did happen on that trip Tucker took with Hale? What was that first night like? And, of course, I want Tucker to run into Hale. Oh, that would be delicious!

I'll say this about your writing style, I don't like when you give us a peak into the writer's thoughts. For example, when Bunny is trying to break away from Hale, his internal monologue says "In stories and what I remember of films, character development jumps after a major crisis. A resolution is made and a revolution occurs." This type of internal monologue, which speaks to you the author and not the narrative voice, forces me, the reader, to break away from the story. I'm aware of you the author and not the narrator. There are other moments when the snarkiness of the character forces me again to break from being in the story. This works really well the "My Neighbor" series. The fact that the narrator is a writer and is snarky does not break with the parameters of the story. But in the Bunny series, not so much.

Those are my two cents. Do hope to see another installment of Bunny and/or other works from you.

 

[sr71plt]

Anyone else see the humor in someone signing up as "angrypost" so that their first posting can be something approximating a love note?

 

[PacoFear]

Anyone else see the humor in someone signing up as "angrypost" so that their first posting can be something approximating a love note?

Nope, I can't get past "senior pilot." Chicks.

 

[oldbrad]

You still got it

Like the others have said, you still have it. The stories are entertaining and not boring at all.

Keep it up.

Brad

 

[sr71plt]

Nope, I can't get past "senior pilot." Chicks.

That's because you've misread it. The "sr" doesn't stand for "senior." SR71 is a jet designation.

 

[PacoFear]

That's because you've misread it. The "sr" doesn't stand for "senior." SR71 is a jet designation.

No, no, I was referring to post #5 in this thread where wanderwonder made the amusing gaff.

C'mon SR71, I have a penis and it more or less compels an at least passing interest in military toys from day one.

In fact, when my Dad took me to see Top Gun in the theater when I was about eight, I remember tugging at his sleeve and saying something like, "But Daddy, those aren't MiGs."

A Christmas present the year before had been an Encyclopedia of Military Aircraft.

 

[sr71plt]

No, no, I was referring to post #5 in this thread where wanderwonder made the amusing gaff.

C'mon SR71, I have a penis and it more or less compels an at least passing interest in military toys from day one.

In fact, when my Dad took me to see Top Gun in the theater when I was about eight, I remember tugging at his sleeve and saying something like, "But Daddy, those aren't MiGs."

A Christmas present the year before had been an Encyclopedia of Military Aircraft.

Ah, so. I misunderstood. Sorry.

 

[_Lynn_]

Anyone else see the humor in someone signing up as "angrypost" so that their first posting can be something approximating a love note?

I always chuckle when I see a new account pulling older threads up too.