It's up!!! It's..... Good?

[Guest]

Ok the first of my submissions is up. Give me an honest review.

After Midnight

There are a couple more submissions that are up. Read them and pick them apart.

Thanks.

The Dragon

 

[Guest]

That good, eh?

Wow, I've left them all speechless.

 

[Guest]

It is well-written. That's a good start.

But to be honest, I couldn't get into the story at all. Maybe it's written in male POV. I'm not at all identifying with this lil dude with a tail.

Also, every paragraph seemed about the same size of block and it kind of goes like - the guy sneaks into the room of a beautiful woman/maybe goddess and just stands there and watch the woman/goddess roll around in her bed sleeping. Description of her sleeping keep on going in mono-pace for a half of the page one.

My appologies for not reading any further.



I feel like I failed a test.

 

[Guest]

It is well-written. That's a good start.

But to be honest, I couldn't get into the story at all. Maybe it's written in male POV. I'm not at all identifying with this lil dude with a tail.

Also, every paragraph seemed about the same size of block and it kind of goes like - the guy sneaks into the room of a beautiful woman/maybe goddess and just stands there and watch the woman/goddess roll around in her bed sleeping. Description of her sleeping keep on going in mono-pace for a half of the page one.

My appologies for not reading any further.



I feel like I failed a test.

No worries. The story was an experiment on my part. to be honest I had trouble getting into writing it. Some people just aren't going to be interested in the fantasy creature portion of it.

I was trying to build some anticipation and suspense. Perhaps it was I who failed the test.

I was looking for more of a critique on the writing style itself and and the technical aspects of the writing. but if you can't finnish it it is hard to give that kind of response.

Not a problem. Try one of the other stories, they might be more up your alley.

 

[cookiejar]

No worries. The story was an experiment on my part. to be honest I had trouble getting into writing it. Some people just aren't going to be interested in the fantasy creature portion of it.

I was trying to build some anticipation and suspense. Perhaps it was I who failed the test.

I was looking for more of a critique on the writing style itself and and the technical aspects of the writing. but if you can't finnish it it is hard to give that kind of response.

Not a problem. Try one of the other stories, they might be more up your alley.

To me you passed the test with flying colors. Usually sci-fi is not something I read but this was a beautiful story. It was full of erotic images, and it painted a beautiful picture. Your sentences tend to be short but I think in this case it adds to the tension. It gave the feeling of slight hesitation on his part. My only problem? I'm allergic to cats! lol I will read your other stories asap.

Cookie

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It was very nicely written, but it was just too slow for me. Half a Lit page of a woman asleep is not my idea of compelling fiction, even if some sort of blue devil is doing the describing. This was a case of too much telliing of too little story for me.

I noticed one place where your editing broke down:

Her foot twitched slightly at the touch, she pulled it back slightly. The smile on her lips grew slightly, but her sleep was undisturbed.

That's a lot of 'slightlys'.

As I say, you write very well. But I'm an impatient reader and I usually only give a story about half or a third of a Lit page to hook me. This one just didn't.

---dr.M.

 

[BlackNailsNScreams]

Well, I liked it. You can always scroll past the slow stuff if you don't like but... but I loved it.

The ending, though you're not the first to do something like it, it was still done well. I enjoyed it.

 

[sexyspiders]

i loved it.

the long description at the beginning is perfect, it shows the obsession he experienced. the fact that he took in every minute detail shows he was prepared for this act. its like he had imagined it over and over in his head, and now hes taking in the reality.

i just wish my man was so attentive!!

keep up the good work

spiders >( ' . ' )<