Got the following sent to me and thought it was quite funny. I don't know if anyone else has came across this or similar before, but here goes:
THINGS YOU'D NEVER HAVE LEARNT WITHOUT THE MOVIES...
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is
their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All shopping bags contain at least one breadstick.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The chief of police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a sports stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Good people are much better at judging the distances between the roofs of buildings than bad people.
80% of women are under thirty.
70% of black men are Denzel Washington.
The other 30% are Morgan Freeman.
When running through a forest at night, women are far more likely to trip on a concealed root than men.
Bomb disposal experts are seldom as successful in their job as maverick fly by the seat of their pants cops.
[Edited by Ally C on 03-07-2001 at 03:42 AM]
THINGS YOU'D NEVER HAVE LEARNT WITHOUT THE MOVIES...
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is
their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All shopping bags contain at least one breadstick.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The chief of police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a sports stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Good people are much better at judging the distances between the roofs of buildings than bad people.
80% of women are under thirty.
70% of black men are Denzel Washington.
The other 30% are Morgan Freeman.
When running through a forest at night, women are far more likely to trip on a concealed root than men.
Bomb disposal experts are seldom as successful in their job as maverick fly by the seat of their pants cops.
[Edited by Ally C on 03-07-2001 at 03:42 AM]
