It's Naughty Limerick Time!

[Guest]

We just spent the last three hours decorating the Christmas tree with our young children. It was delightful, they had a wonderful time, and now mommy and daddy are exhausted.

It's Miller Time!

(Well, actually, it's Bacardi and Coke time, but you know what I mean!)

So - on with the naughty rhymes!

There once was a lady from Arden
Who sucked off a man in her garden.
He said, "My dear Flo,
Where does all that stuff go?"
And she said, "(swallow hard) - I beg pardon?"



Who's next?

 

[Guest]

There was a young fellow of Kent
Whose prick was so long that it bent,
So to save himself trouble
He put it in double,
And instead of coming he went.

 

[Guest]

For musicians

A young violinist from Rio
Was seducing a lady named Cleo.
As she took down her panties
She said, "No andantes;
I want this allegro con brio!"

 

[Quasimodem]

Not Bacardi, byQuasi.

 

[Guest]

Hey! Rum is truly God's drink!

Here's one for Math Girl -


The mathematician Von Blecks
Devised an equation for sex,
Having proved a good fuck
Isn't patience or luck,
But a function of y over x.

 

[Guest]

And I love your Homo Erectus, by the way!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Sweetsubsarah,

I know three and you've already used one of 'em. The first one is older than dirt. No, not Dirt Man, I'm talking earth, here. The second one I remember from a very old Playboy. Rumple

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
So he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt, I'd fuck it."

There once was a farmer named Hollis
Who used possums and snakes for his solace
His children had scales
And prehensile tails
And voted for Governor Wallace.

 

[Guest]

I'm getting most of these from a book called "Dirty Little Limericks."

(It probably should be required reading in schools!)

I do have one limerick submitted to Lit among my poems. (You may recognize the source!)

Ode to a Chode
by sweetsubsarahh ©

There once was a man from Nantucket

Whose dick was so long he could suck it

So he did.

(Wouldn’t you?)

 

[thebullet]

There was a young lady named Alice
who used dynamite for a phallus
They found her vagina in South Carolina
and half of her anus in Dallas




thebullet's rantings

 

[Guest]

Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
"You must seize it, and squeeze it,
And tease it, and please it,
For Rome wasn't built in a day."

 

[cookiejar]

Sweetsubsarah,

I know three and you've already used one of 'em. The first one is older than dirt. No, not Dirt Man, I'm talking earth, here. The second one I remember from a very old Playboy. Rumple

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
So he said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt, I'd fuck it."

There once was a farmer named Hollis
Who used possums and snakes for his solace
His children had scales
And prehensile tails
And voted for Governor Wallace.

An author by the name of Rump
He said he felt like a chump
cause in his bed
she acted dead
And laid there like a lump!

 

[Quasimodem]

Is that "Dirty Little Limericks" by Dr. A.

If so, Dr. A is Isaac Asimov.

The only one I can remember is:

There was a young lady named Ransom,
Took a man seven times in a hansom.
When she begged him for more,
He replied from the floor,
My name, dear, is Simpson, not Samson.

 

[Guest]

It is Dirty Little Limericks, but the "compiler" (for lack of a better word) is R. Scott Latham?

It's an interesting little book. I found it at one of the used book stores in our college town.

Makes me smile.

There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
She said, "Try as I can
I can't find a man
Who it's fun to be virtuous with!"

 

[Quasimodem]

The was an old lady named Tweedle,
While at church, she sat down on a needle.
Though deeply imbedded,
'Twas luckily threaded,
And deftly pulled out by the Beadle.

 

[champagne1982]

There once was a girl from Kazoo,
'Twas all she was able to do,
To suck her guy's willy,
'Til it turned him silly,
And coated her boobies with goo!

 

[MagicFingers]

Lady From Troon

There once was a lady from Troon,
Who couldn't get off before Noon,
But when her young lover
Proceeded to stuff her
She came in a swoon until June!

 

[Quasimodem]

riginal

A pornographer from old Lit,
Was trying to exercise wit,
By writing a little,
‘Bout parts in the middle:
Close-by to the place where we sit.

 

[Icingsugar]

totally riginal

There once was a fella from Perth
Who had a formidable girth
Lady said "Stop that felon!
Don't squeeze in a melon!
I'll save that for when I give birth."

editerd because I can't even spell that short thingy right...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

An author by the name of Rump
He said he felt like a chump
cause in his bed
she acted dead
And laid there like a lump!

Cookie! That was supposed to be our little secret.

Actually, it could be worse. In fact, it usually is. Kinda reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyrical limerick that goes something like this:

I've gotta woman, five foot short,
She screams and hollers, whistles and snorts,
Knocks me down, hits me in the head
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed.
She's a humdinger, folksinger.

 

[Black Tulip]

original translation

Originally in Dutch:

The conductor Carlo Boppo
went to a house in Giroppo
he said to the wench:
"Please firmly clench,
Allegro, my dear, ma non troppo!"

I feel not capable of translating this one:

Les prostituées de Versailles
tatouaient leurs tarifs sur leurs tailles,
et pour les aveugles (pauvres diables)
de les lire incapables
sur leurs fesses aussi, mais en braille.

Both are from "Popsy Poems" by John O'Mill.

 

[beansoup]

There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon
He didn't have the luck to be born by a fuck
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.......

 

[Quasimodem]

. . . Kinda reminds me of the Bob Dylan lyrical limerick that goes something like this:

I've gotta woman, five foot short,
She screams and hollers, whistles and snorts,
Knocks me down, hits me in the head
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed.
She's a humdinger, folksinger.

Rumple,

I can't remember the title, but doesn't it also include the lines:

I'm a poet,
and I know it,
hope I don't blow it!


To quote another Icon*:

It sounds good,
It means little.

* Jonathon Winters

 

[Jenny _S]

There once was a lady from France,
Who boarded a train in a trance.
The engineer Fucked her,
And so'd the conductor,
While the brakeman got off in his pants.


So there!

 

[Quasimodem]

An Inuit man named Nagku
Liked all the same things that you do.
He loved cunnilingus,
Fellatio'd his own dingus,
And ruined his sled team for snow.

 

[Violette]

Oh I LOVE these! Let me try one...

There was a young man from the coast
who had an affair with a ghost.
At the height of orgasm,
this she-ectoplasm
said, "I think I can feel it...almost!"