It's driving me nuts!

[SXCRgirl]

*big frustrated sigh*

I'm so frustrated... I don't know what to do.

Here's a reader's digest version of my problem. I broke up with my SO a few months ago. To make a long story short, he's married. He's unhappy with his wife and for reasons I prefer not to say on here, he can't leave her. When I met him, he was separated and she was in the process of moving out. Then, as circumstances have it, they moved back in together, even though this is not what he wanted. He said that it would be temporary, but as of this writing, he's still there. He and I tried to make it work, but the threesome deal just didn't appeal to me. So, we both made a decision to break up. Well, we tried to make a decision together, but there was way too much fighting and emotions running high, the break-up was less than ideal. (Is there ever an ideal breakup?)

I miss him and I know that this is the right thing for both of us. I just had a birthday and he called me to wish me a happy birthday and even sent me a little something. He knows that I care about him, but we haven't talked since. I know that if I call him, he'll be okay to talk to me, but I don't want to do that. I want him to call. This is a man who couldn't stay away from me for more than 3 weeks because he says it drives him crazy. The silence is driving ME crazy.

Now that I've typed this... it sounds silly. I hate feeling and sounding weak.

I feel as if I'm never going to get over this. Some days are great, but some days are really bad. Any suggestions on how to get through this?

 

[JazzManJim]

I feel as if I'm never going to get over this. Some days are great, but some days are really bad. Any suggestions on how to get through this?

First, let me assure you that you will get over it. In time, it'll happen, so dont' worry about that part.

The second thing is to understand that there's nothing wrong with missing him, or wanting to see him or talk to him. But, you can't do that because it's not going to help you get through to the other side.

As much as you can do to occupy yourself to keep your mind off of him, the better. Aside from that, time will out.

I've been through a bad breakup when I didn't want to. I thought I'd die, but I didn't. I'm still here and probably better for having come through it.

Above all, don't be afraid to find someone to talk to about how you feel when it gets too bad.

 

[april-wine]

One day at a time SXCRgirl.....It may seem the pain will never go, but each day it will fade a little more....Get out there and enjoy life, move on with your life, he has his.....Now you must make yours......hugs april

 

[SXCRgirl]

Re: Re: It's driving me nuts!

Thank you for the words of encouragement Jim. Something happened to me today that the only person that could really understand and celebrate with me is him. So, I'm really really missing him today.

I try to occupy myself with something to do, but I still find that he's in my thoughts a lot.

I have friends that I can talk to, but I they're so tired of hearing about him that they don't want to anymore. So I end up feeling isolated because I can't really express how I'm feeling.

First, let me assure you that you will get over it. In time, it'll happen, so dont' worry about that part.

The second thing is to understand that there's nothing wrong with missing him, or wanting to see him or talk to him. But, you can't do that because it's not going to help you get through to the other side.

As much as you can do to occupy yourself to keep your mind off of him, the better. Aside from that, time will out.

I've been through a bad breakup when I didn't want to. I thought I'd die, but I didn't. I'm still here and probably better for having come through it.

Above all, don't be afraid to find someone to talk to about how you feel when it gets too bad.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Thanks april-wine. You're right. He has his life and it's about time I concentrated on mine.

It's tough, but... it's better than the alternative.

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: Re: It's driving me nuts!

Thank you for the words of encouragement Jim. Something happened to me today that the only person that could really understand and celebrate with me is him. So, I'm really really missing him today.

I try to occupy myself with something to do, but I still find that he's in my thoughts a lot.

I have friends that I can talk to, but I they're so tired of hearing about him that they don't want to anymore. So I end up feeling isolated because I can't really express how I'm feeling.

Oddly enough, I've found that there's never just one person who can understand something big that happens in your life. Somewhere, there's at least one other person to whom that event will mean something. Honest.

Like I said, I"ve been in that black hole and I came out the other side. It's very doable, and it will hurt, but not forever.

Don't know what else I can say but if, from time to time, you need bucking up, drop me a PM. I'll do whatever I can.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: It's driving me nuts!

You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you very much.

Don't know what else I can say but if, from time to time, you need bucking up, drop me a PM. I'll do whatever I can.

 

[JazzManJim]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It's driving me nuts!

You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you very much.

It's not a problem. I'm glad to help.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Hey Jim,

Is that Latin in your sig? What does it mean?

 

[JazzManJim]

Hey Jim,

Is that Latin in your sig? What does it mean?

<chuckles>

Yeah, it's Latin. I've been asked about it twice tonight.

It means:

"I have a catapult. Give me all of the money else I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

 

[Jaded1]

And it always will.........

Well, SXCRgirl if that person was so much apart of your life you may never get over that person. There was a woman in my life that I loved very dearly. After a year I found out she was still seeing her old boy friend all the while I was seeing her. I was very hurt and told she would have to make a decision him or me. She told me she would not choose that we both added something different to her life. I had to make that decision for her! That was ten years ago. Yes, some days are better than others and slowly the memories fade. Many times I have questioned my decision to walk away. It had a lot to do with respect for myself. Would I have been able to except the triangle? Yes,always wondering will I ever find that passion and love again

Well, SXCRgirl how much do you respect yourself as a person.....

Jaded1, CT

 

[dreamer]

I hear you Jaded1. I'm coming up on two years, and it hurts some times as much as day one. But I've gotten better at 'dealing' with the hurt.

Hopefully this isn't going to offend anyone but I liken it to losing a leg. You NEVER grow that leg back, you always and forever are a one legged person, but with enough work and a little luck you can do everything just as well as you could before...maybe even better because it makes you work harder.

I know it sounds trite, but you will be a better person for it. You have to be, the other option is lousy.

Good luck SXCRgirl, and know there's always a lot of us here to talk to on those 'difficult' days. I'd be happy to lend a shoulder anytime.

 

[SXCRgirl]

<chuckles>

Yeah, it's Latin. I've been asked about it twice tonight.

It means:

"I have a catapult. Give me all of the money else I will fling an enormous rock at your head."

LMAO... oh... okay!

 

[SXCRgirl]

Re: And it always will.........

Jaded1,

My self respect is what drove me to finally accept that we had to walk away from each other. They say that if you fight who you are, you will live a stressful life. I couldn't accept the triangle and it resulted in so many fights. Oh so many of them. My self-esteem hit an all time low and I recognized that I needed to do something about it. This is when I realized that all the painful changes had to be made.

There are days where I don't think about him much, and I'm okay, but there are days like today that are tough. Yesterday, I was getting rid of phone numbers on my cell phone and reprogramming the special ringers for my special people. I heard the one that I used for him and the sound made me cry. I used to hear that ring tone all the time. It was painful to hear! I was surprised that it affected me that way.

You're right. I wonder if I will ever find that same passion and love again with someone else. But, I force myself to look positively at life. It's not always easy, and I stumble, but I can't imagine that this is it! I can't accept that.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Yes, some days are better than others and slowly the memories fade. Many times I have questioned my decision to walk away. It had a lot to do with respect for myself. Would I have been able to except the triangle? Yes,always wondering will I ever find that passion and love again

Well, SXCRgirl how much do you respect yourself as a person.....

Jaded1, CT

 

[dreamer]

Re: Re: And it always will.........

Yesterday, I was getting rid of phone numbers on my cell phone and reprogramming the special ringers for my special people. I heard the one that I used for him and the sound made me cry. I used to hear that ring tone all the time. It was painful to hear! I was surprised that it affected me that way.

My ex and I worked at the same place before she left me and that job and I remember almost a year later someone had gotten her phone extension and forwarded a voicemail to me...it still had the "from ...... ...." recording on it and it was her voice...I had to go home for the day I was such a wreck...it had been so long and yet it was such a familiar sound my heart was aching for. Those little nasty surprises suck.

I've never said this outloud, and I KNOW I had plenty of other reasons to quit my job, but I think a lot of my leaving had to do with all those good memories. They were just too much to handle.

You're not alone.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Re: Re: Re: And it always will.........

...it had been so long and yet it was such a familiar sound my heart was aching for. Those little nasty surprises suck.

I've never said this outloud, and I KNOW I had plenty of other reasons to quit my job, but I think a lot of my leaving had to do with all those good memories. They were just too much to handle.

You're not alone.

dreamer, I SO know exactly what you mean. The familiar sound that our heart longs for. I've deleted everything, emails, messages, pictures and put everything in boxes. But, when I long for him, it makes it easier for me not to have those things. So when I heard the ring tone that used to make me happy, I felt almost sick to my stomach.

I think it's better to just have those little reminders out of reach. This way, my road to getting better and living without him can be easily achieved.

QED

 

[Ishmael]

*big frustrated sigh*

I'm so frustrated... I don't know what to do.

Here's a reader's digest version of my problem. I broke up with my SO a few months ago. To make a long story short, he's married. He's unhappy with his wife and for reasons I prefer not to say on here, he can't leave her. When I met him, he was separated and she was in the process of moving out. Then, as circumstances have it, they moved back in together, even though this is not what he wanted. He said that it would be temporary, but as of this writing, he's still there. He and I tried to make it work, but the threesome deal just didn't appeal to me. So, we both made a decision to break up. Well, we tried to make a decision together, but there was way too much fighting and emotions running high, the break-up was less than ideal. (Is there ever an ideal breakup?)

I miss him and I know that this is the right thing for both of us. I just had a birthday and he called me to wish me a happy birthday and even sent me a little something. He knows that I care about him, but we haven't talked since. I know that if I call him, he'll be okay to talk to me, but I don't want to do that. I want him to call. This is a man who couldn't stay away from me for more than 3 weeks because he says it drives him crazy. The silence is driving ME crazy.

Now that I've typed this... it sounds silly. I hate feeling and sounding weak.

I feel as if I'm never going to get over this. Some days are great, but some days are really bad. Any suggestions on how to get through this?

He went back to his wife. That's it. Period. End of story.

The first step is really knowing and accepting that it's over.

If he contacts you again, don't be 'reasonable'. Tell him to contact you again when he as the divorce decree in his hand. Otherwise, don't call, don't write, nothing.

Get out and do something. Take a trip. Join a club. Do something new. It's not easy, but it can be done.

But most of all, if you are looking to form a solid one on one relationship, stay away from married men. And darlin' seperated is still "married".

Ishmael