It's all sex, sex, sex

[NoJo]

After an absence of almost a year, I come back here, and what do I find: It's still all about sex. Well there's more to life than sex.

I have had wonderful, completely unsexy, life-enhancing experiences in the last year. I don't care, if this is an inappropriate forum, I just have to share them.

F'rinstance, I've given up smoking. After almost thirty years. How? By a wonderful technique known as visualization. A wonderful hypnotherapist made me visualize every cigarette I've ever smoked, in one place -- a huge haystack of cigarettes. Then she told me to strip naked in front of her and visualize all the jism I'd spilled masturbating in my life.

I told her I couldn't. So she helped me with the math: Conservatively: 2 cubic centimeters per day, every day for thirty years. That's a quarter of a ton of jism. It would fill a whole bathtub. In fact, the hypnotherapist, if she stepped into that bathtub, would probably make it overflow onto the bathroom floor.

That's the sort of thing I've been learning while you lot have been harping on and on about sex and stuff.

 

[shereads]

Sex?

This is a sex forum? No wonder I can't find any posts about decoupage.

 

[Guest]

while you lot have been harping on and on about sex and stuff.

Isn't that kind of the purpose of being here?

CM

 

[Guest]

Hola, Sub. We haven't met. You're a funny bloke, seem cool too.

Perdita (who doesn't even think of quitting, puff puff)

 

[shereads]

IRONY DISCOVERED ON MARS


News at Eleven

 

[MagicFingers]

Congrats on becoming a non-smoker!

Yes, hypnosis can help you get over the last hurdle with that.
I smoked over 25 years and self hypnosis and visualizing helped me too.
Now, I'm visualizing that female hypnotherapist in a bathtub full of jism. Nice. Maybe you can write the full story of that for us?

See, I quit smoking and still LIKE sex!

 

[MathGirl]

Dear SJ,
Yo
MG

 

[minsue]

Dear SJ,
Yo
MG

You shouldn't be so emotional, Maths, it's embarrasing to the rest of us.

- Mindy

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hey, Joe, you are wrong. It is NOT all sex, sex, sex. On one thread there is a passage from a Dick and Jane book. Oh. Oh. Oh. Look. Look. Look.

 

[NoJo]

Actually,
It's good to be back; back in a forum where sex can be discussed openly and frankly. Also other stuff like wood and cable modems.

MG -- "Yo"?? How old are you now, for chrissakes, sixteen? If you have turned sixteen , please PM me. If not, we'll just stick with the phone sex for now.

 

[NoJo]

That's great. Was it a really misprint?

IRONY DISCOVERED ON MARS


News at Eleven

 

[gauchecritic]

Where you going with that shotgun?

Hey Joe.

A couple of introductions necessary here I think.

Shereads doesn't actually write, she reads, and is therefore an interloper, but she is amusing and the biggest thread starter here at the moment (If you don't count Mab and Svenska), so we tolerate her un-authorliness.

Perdita is a Mexchick, author, operaphile who loves Shakespeare and English things (just don't get her started on Venice)

Crimson Maiden, I suspect, is someone else. And no one sends her PMs except to request sexual deviation.

Boxlicker has an opinion on everything, and quite often pisses other people off with his forthright attitude.

Minsue and Magicfingers? God knows. I've never had so much as a civil word from either of them.

Everybody, meet Subjoe, he's funny. Read his stories.

Gauche

Edited to remove the word axe and replace it with shotgun in order to more fully convey the amusing opening line to subjoe rather than Eugene.

 

[Guest]

Re: Where you going with that shotgun?

Crimson Maiden, I suspect, is someone else. And no one sends her PMs except to request sexual deviation.

Someone else? Hmmm...

Nope, last time I checked, I was still me...

CM

 

[minsue]

Re: Where you going with that shotgun?

Minsue and Magicfingers? God knows. I've never had so much as a civil word from either of them.

But Gauche, what about all of the love letters I've sent to you? I was all packed and ready to move, too!

- Mindy

 

[NoJo]

Re: Where you going with that shotgun?

Gauche,
Thanks for the "heads up".

Shereads, please to meet you: I haven't written any erotica for over a year now, so I guess I'm an interloper too. But don't feel too bad about it: Most of the authors here are completely illiterate. They just make kiddie scribbles on a piece of paper, then fax it to Laurel or a real writer, who completely reworks them. Laurel keeps track of the different styles so it looks as though all the authors are different. Laurel's a very, very prolific writer.

Perdidta, so it was you who's been putting the elecrodes on me while I was jerking off and tapping my thoughts. That Avatar. I cracked my desk.

Crimson - I'll PM you. But I'm confused-- I thought we were *all* deviants here: Does that mean you're so deviated you're into (gasp) "normal sex?" I think that's a little beyond the pale. But come to think of it, maybe I should PM you. Just remember to be gentle with me, it'll be my first time.

Box, how the hell are you, you f*****g c**t?

Minsue and Magicfingers. I'd advise you both to keep a civil tongue on my head; I can be very easily offended by rude and course language, strapping and caning.

Hey Joe.

A couple of introductions necessary here I think.

Shereads doesn't actually write, she reads, and is therefore an interloper, but she is amusing and the biggest thread starter here at the moment (If you don't count Mab and Svenska), so we tolerate her un-authorliness.

Perdita is a Mexchick, author, operaphile who loves Shakespeare and English things (just don't get her started on Venice)

Crimson Maiden, I suspect, is someone else. And no one sends her PMs except to request sexual deviation.

Boxlicker has an opinion on everything, and quite often pisses other people off with his forthright attitude.

Minsue and Magicfingers? God knows. I've never had so much as a civil word from either of them.

Everybody, meet Subjoe, he's funny. Read his stories.

Gauche

Edited to remove the word axe and replace it with shotgun in order to more fully convey the amusing opening line to subjoe rather than Eugene.

 

[whispering_surrender]

Welcome back Joe! *hugs*

Whisp

Ps. I think I'm glad I didn't say anything until after Gauche's introductions.......

 

[Boxlicker101]

Re: Re: Where you going with that shotgun?

Gauche,
Thanks for the "heads up".


Box, how the hell are you, you f*****g c**t?

I'm fine, Joe, except I'm old and crotchety and curmudgeonly. How the fuck are you. Since you have been away for a while, I would like your opinion. I say I write the dirtiest stories here, in terms of being the most X-rated. Some other people say otherwise.

 

[Linbido]

Joe, I have no idea who the hell you are, but i like you already. Here, have a scmootch:

 

[Guest]

 

[NoJo]

I'm touched, I really am, by your welcome. I'm touching myself too.

Linbido, I'm not sure what a "scmootch" is, but it sounds very moist and sticky, so I guess it's something to eat. It's not a kind of jellyfish, is it?

Now I guess the fun's over and I have to start reading all your damn stories: Or, I suppose I could just not bother reading or writing any more smut, and change my name to heposts.

I'm off to find some crotchety X-rated stuff by boxlicker -- btw Gauche, he seems like a gent, not a F****g bastard like you wrote in your PM to me.

If you do want to read something of mine, my favorite are the two Cindy Heller stories I wrote a couple of years back. They're lurking somewhere in the top ten or so of the "Humor And Satire" top list.

 

[Guest]

 

[English Lady]

Hello Sub Joe.


I am English Lady....don't think we've met Nice to meet you and welcome back to the mad house

 

[NoJo]

No, EL, we haven't met. Believe me, I'd remember your face.

BMW make good cars, but a BBW is my favorite truck.

 

[Guest]

Buen dia, Jose. Just a clarification, I don't like all things English, depends on which riding they're from.

So sorry you missed MG's 21st birthday. You'll notice soon enough how she's, um, matured. Check out her lexicography.

que te vaya bien,

Perdita

p.s. everyone loves my new AV, guess it's preferable to the real P.

 

[shereads]

p.s. everyone loves my new AV, guess it's preferable to the real P.

Perdita, surely you know that they're just staring at the nipple.