Its All in How You See Things....

[Guest]

Humor me if you will. This is my first time writing a story like this and I want to know what people think. Be as raw as you can. Tell me anything you want. I want this to be the best story I have ever submitted to Literotica and then some.

Oh yeah, there is a part two to the story that I have started. So, if I hear good things about part one, who knows I might actually finish part two.
_________________________________________________________________

"Ms. Saylor, why are you being so difficult? Do you know what this man did to you? Do you know what he did to those other girls?"

I took a sip of my coffee and then looked to Detective Rhinehart. He looked at me as if I was the one with the problem. But I didn't have a problem. I was, I mean, I am a woman in love.

"Of course I know what he did detective," I took another sip of my coffee (in truth I hate coffee) and placed the cup in a coaster provided, "He came into my room in the middle of the night, he made love to me, he took me away from that place I used to call home and gave me new one, a better one at that.

"And speaking of home, I would like to go there now. He doesn't like to sleep alone."

I noticed the little muscle jerk in Rhinehart's jaw, "He has two other woman there with him. He isn't going to sleep alone."

"You are very Detective Rhinehart. I know my husband," there was another muscle twitch from him, "He never sleeps through the night with any of my sister-wives. Every night, he comes back to my bed. Every night he's in my arms or I am in his.

"Now if you excuse me," I got up to get my coat. I heard the good detective sigh and help me put it on. I thought that I would finally be able to go home and I was and I was quite happy about that...until that damnable detective had to say something.

"You know," he said, "For as many nights as you claim to have with you husband, why aren't you pregnant or even have a kid by him?"

I wanted to slap him, but I just couldn't imagine being here for another moment. I took a deep breathe and stilled my shaky voice, "Because the good Lord hasn't seen it fit for me to produce a child yet, Detective. Now if you would just let me go-"

There was an exasperated sigh from Detective Rhinehart. He all but slammed me into a wall.

"Listen bitch, I don't know what that sick fuck does to you women and really, I don't care," Detective Rhinehart tightened his grip on my arms, "But you are going to tell me me something before you leave this room! Do I make myself clear."

I just nodded. Tears were starting to sting my eyes. Detective Rhinehart was actually be quite intimidating to me. At six feet nine inches tall, he dwarfed my five feet six. He had hair black as sin and these green eyes that reminded me of acid. And his voice was deep and had this almost sinister sound to it no matter what his mood was. Detective Rhinehart also worked out. Not enough to be a frequent gym goer but enough that just a simple flex of his arm and you could see how much power he had.

He let me go. I went back to the little steel chair in the room and sat. I had to take a moment to collect myself. Detective Rhinehart took the seat in front of me and looked me eye-to-eye.

"To answer your earlier question Detective, I know what my husband did to me. I am not that stupid. I can remember it as if it was yesterday," I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes, "I was eight teen. I had just turned eightteen that day in fact. My cousins threw me a birthday party at our new home. The place used to be a boarding home and every floor had their own entrance. My floor was at the very top and it took walking two flights of steps and walking around a verdana to get to it.

"Any other time, I would've slept in my cousin Ronnie's apartment because she was on the first floor. But there were people in her extra room in all the corners fucking in some form or fashion and there were people in her bedroom doing the same including her. I even saw a couple in the hall kitchen doing the sixty-nine standing up. This was all too much for me. I was still a virgin. I knew of sex and what people did in sex and even the sexual positions but seeing it right there before my eyes, was all too much for me."

The Detective was watching me too intently. I didn't like that look in his eyes. There was only one other man I had seen looked at him like that and that was my husband.

I took a deep breathe and continued, "I wrote a note to her on the bathroom mirror about how I was going upstairs and thanks for the wonderful party. I would've used the indoor steps to get upstairs but it was such a cool day in September and I really wanted to go home. So I went outside. I took the two flights up and then walked across the verdana. Something told me that there was somebody inside my apartments but I just ignored the feeling as bad mac and cheese or maybe a low grade buzz from drinking too much. Big mistake. The biggest mistake of my life.

"Or as I think of it, the best thing to happen in my life. It all depends on how you look at it.

"Anyway, there was this sharp stabbing pain in my arm. I turned to fight but the room was dark and whoever did it was fast. I continued to swing in the darkness before all of a sudden. I was making a spiral down to the floor.

"When I woke up. It was still dark but not as dark. I tried to move one arm to rub the ache of the other but I quickly found out they were bound to the bed and so were my ankles. There was even a ball gag in my mouth. And something else was on me. I couldn't figure it out, but it was around my neck and had something huge and metal to it. It was freezing cold in the room and of course I reacted. I couldn't help it if my nipples got hot and my body temperatre rose.

"Then I felt a weight shift in the bed. Somebody bigger than me was climbing over my body and sitting between my legs. I could tell it was a man because I felt his erection brush my thigh. Of course I made the same pleas and cries that all victims make in this situation. 'Please don't hurt me and I promise I won't tell,' But I had that damn ball gag in. It was like hear muffled moans with that thing in. A pair of calloused hand were undoing the binds around my ankles and those same hands were running up the back of my leg. They stopped at my thighs and then came forward. I put up some resistance but he easily spread my legs. I felt something drip on my clit and make its way into me. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips and then he did again. I arched my back because the drips were starting to cool and heard a pop from my wrist.

" 'You are going to hurt yourself,' he said, 'and I can't have the mother of my children hurting herself. What will they thank with you walking around with all those bruises?"

"I froze. I knew that voice. My tears started to flow more freely. I felt this pressure on my opening and then this stuffed feeling. I started to shake my head no and I was screaming behind that ball gag and I was trying to get him off me by just using my body and I didn't give a damn about those binding around my wrist cutting into my skin or the blood that was dripping on my forehead from the cuts. I just want him to stop but..."

I had to stop. I lowered my eyes. I couldn't look to Detective Rhinehart or I knew I would break down, "But at the same time, I wanted him to keep going. I wanted to feel his cock brush into my hymen and just like he had to force himself past it. That's exactly how I wanted him to force past it. I wanted him to slide in me like he was doing. I wanted to feel those powerful thrust that were banging my head into the headboard. I wanted him inside me and the fact that he was, was driving me wild and yes, scaring me.

"I was torn between physical lust and reasonable thought. I didn't want it to end but at the same time I knew it had to end. It had to end before...

"That's when he came in me. It caught me off guard. I had never seen a man cum before much less heard one as they were cumming and he was still thrusting. It was like an animal was on top of me.

"Finally he stopped. He stayed in me until he was soft and I could feel him fall out of me. Something was coming out of me and pooling around my ass. I was still crying and he was licking my tears while removing the bindings. He took the ball gag out of my mouth and then removed the blindfold.

"I blinked and then blinked again. The sun seemed so bright to me all of a sudden. He was right above me. He was smiling at me, 'See that wasn't so bad,' he said, 'And if you aren't pregnant this time then we can always try again.' He lightly caressed my face, 'And you were so beautiful. Had I known you were a virgin I would've-"

"I spit in his face, 'Fuck you,' I said crying, 'Fuck YOU!'"

I remember his face going from angelic to satanic. He slapped me so hard, that I thought my jaw would snap off its hinges. I felt that pinch in my arm again and after that. I blacked out... again."

 

[kbate]

I edited much of the text out, many things were unnecessary and did not add to the story. The reason she is with a detective in the first place should appear somewhere in the story, did someone complain, was her husband arrested, did she get beat up, what happened to start this entire sequence of events. Overall, the story has potential, but what you have written is barely a beginning to a story of this type. If it is to involve detectives and law, the details are important and he should interrupt often to ask for clarifications, to keep her talking and to reassure her that she is doing the right thing in telling, If he doesn't you should simply drop the entire detective angle and make it a sex/non-consent narrative.



"Ms. Saylor, why are you being so difficult; you know what this man did to you? You know what he did to those other girls?"

I took a sip of coffee and looked at Detective Rhinehart. He seemed to think I had a problem. I didn't have a problem. I was, I mean, I am a woman in love.

"Of course I know what he did detective," I took another sip of coffee and placed the cup on the coaster, "He came into my room in the middle of the night, he made love to me, he took me away from the place I used to call home and gave me new one, a better one at that. And speaking of home, I would like to go there now. He does not like to sleep alone."

I noticed a little muscle in Rhinehart's jaw twitch, "He has two other woman there with him. He isn't going to sleep alone."

"You are wrong detective. I know my husband," there was another muscle twitch from him, "He never sleeps through the night with any of my sister-wives. Every night, he comes back to my bed. Every night he's in my arms or I am in his."

"Now if you will excuse me," I rose to get my coat. I heard the detective sigh. I thought I would finally be able to go home and was quite happy until that damnable detective spoke again.

"Listen bitch, I don't know what that sick fuck does to you women and really, I don't care," Detective Rhinehart tightened his grip on my arms, "but you are going to tell me me something before you leave this room! Do I make myself clear."this line needs revision, he obviously does care or the entire sequence would not have occured.

I nodded. Tears were beginning to sting my eyes. Detective Rhinehart could be quite intimidating. I went back to the little chair in the interrogation room and sat. I took a moment to collect myself while Detective Rhinehart took the opposite seat and stared at me..

"To answer your earlier question Detective, yes I know what my husband did to me. I am not stupid. I remember it as if it happened yesterday." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, "I was eighteen. In fact I it was my eighteenth birthday. My cousin threw a birthday party at our new home.

"Normally I would have slept in my cousin's apartment but there were people in her extra room fucking and there were people in her bedroom doing the same thing. I even saw a couple in the kitchen doing sixty-nine while standing up. This was all too much for me. I was still a virgin. I knew of sex and what people did and even the sexual positions but seeing it right before my eyes was too much for me." spontaneous orgy at another persons birthday party? A bit of a stretch.

The detective was watching me a little too intently; I didn't like the look in his eyes. Only one other man looked at me like that and that was my husband.

I took another breath and continued, "I wrote a note to her on the bathroom mirror telling her I was going upstairs and thanking her for the wonderful party. I went outside, took the two flights up and then walked across the verdana. Something told me that there was somebody inside my apartment but I just ignored the feeling. Big mistake. The biggest mistake of my life."

"Or as I think of it, the best thing to happen in my life. It all depends on how you look at it.

"Anyway when I entered, I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my arm. I turned to fight but the room was dark and whomever had stuck me was fast. I swing my arms in the darkness but the drug took hold and I fell to the floor."

"I woke wearing a blindfold. I tried to rub my sore arm but I quickly found my arms were bound to the bed as were my ankles. There was a ball gag in my mouth and something else was around my neck, something huge and made of metal."

"I felt a weight shift on the bed. Somebody was climbing over my body and sitting between my legs. I could tell it was a man because I felt his erection brush my thigh. I tried to object with the pleas and cries that all victims make in this situation, 'Please don't hurt me and I promise I won't tell,' but the ball gag made it sound like moans. A pair of calloused hand were undoing the bonds around my ankles and those same hands were running up the back of my leg. They stopped on my thighs and then pushed; I tried to resist but he easily parted my legs. I felt something cold and wet dripping on my pussy. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips and I arched my back because the drops tickled."

" 'You are going to hurt yourself,' he said, 'and I can't have the mother of my children hurting herself. What will they thank with you walking around with all those bruises?"

"I froze. I knew that voice. My tears started to flow more freely. I felt this pressure on my opening and then a stuffed feeling. I started shaking my head and screaming behind that ball gag. I was trying to throw him off of me by just using my body and I didn't give a damn about the bindings around my wrists cutting into my skin or the blood that was dripping on my forehead from the cuts. I just want him to stop."

I had to stop. I lowered my eyes. I couldn't look at Detective Rhinehart, I knew I would break down.

I continued, "But at the same time, I wanted him to keep going. I wanted to feel his cock break through my hymen, just like he forced his way into my pussy. That's exactly how I wanted him to force past it. I wanted him to slide into me like he was doing. I wanted to feel those powerful thrusts that were banging my head into the headboard. I wanted him inside me and the fact that he was, was driving me wild and yes, scaring me."

"I was torn between physical lust and reasonable thought. I didn't want it to end but at the same time I knew it had to end. It had to end before.... then he came inside me. It caught me off guard. I had never seen a man cum before much less heard a man grunting while cumming. He kept thrusting, it was like an animal was on top of me. she is blindfolded, she still has not "seen" a man cum

"Finally he stopped. He stayed in me until he was soft and I then I felt him slip out. Something else was coming out of me and pooling around my ass. I was still crying and he was licking my tears while removing the bindings. He took the ball gag out of my mouth and removed the blindfold.

"I blinked and then blinked again. The sun seemed so bright to me all of a sudden. He was right above me. He was smiling at me, 'See that wasn't so bad,' he said, 'And if you aren't pregnant this time then we can always try again.' He caressed my face, 'And you were so beautiful. Had I known you were a virgin I would've-'

"I spit in his face, 'Fuck you,' I said crying, 'Fuck YOU!'"

I remember his face going from angelic to satanic. He slapped me so hard that I thought my jaw would snap off its hinges. I felt that pinch in my arm again and after that. I blacked out again."

 

[Guest]

I suffer from a sever case of reverse writing. In other words, I have a habit of telling everything that happens first and then telling why it happened.

Thanks for pointing out my problem to me. I knew there were something wrong. I just couldn't pick it out.