It seems as though

[MissTaken]

my submissive nature makes me a doormat in the non BDSM world.

Whether in a love relationship, a purely hot sex relationship or friendship, it seems I am often taken advantage of and taken for granted.

Admittedly, on a professional level, I am a kick ass type, assertive personality. But, otherwise...

Is this a common feeling among subs?

Is it just tired out ole' Miss T?

 

[WillowPuss]

my submissive nature makes me a doormat in the non BDSM world.

<snip>

Is this a common feeling among subs?

In SOME instances I CAN be quite assertive ... but I really have to screw myself up and act the part. Like complaining about shoddy goods in shops, for example.

In many circumstances, I have to check to make sure I haven't got 'MUG' tatooed across my forehead; or 'kick me' pinned to my back. Many people tell me I am just 'too nice' ... but it is just me.

Sooooooo ... no, you are NOT alone, MissT

 

[spankableBelle]

i, too, have been accused of the 'too nice', 'too giving', 'too...' everything thing. i think for some subs it is hard to find a happy medium between aggressive and submissive...if we're too aggressive, then are we really sure that we're submissive? i was speaking to someone earlier about this same thing...there is strength of character and strength of will even in being submissive while having to be aggressive and assertive and in someones face...in all cases though we just have to make sure to keep the 'walk all over me because...' signs locked in the basement closet...

belle


http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=72711

 

[cymbidia]

In my professional life (when i have one ~sigh~) i teach science to 13-14 year olds. If i was a wimp, they'd ruin my life. I'm definitely NOT a wimp professionally.

Nor do i have trouble negotiating with salespeople for exactly what i want or why a thing is wrong and needs to be returned or if, in fact, that credit card charge is mine or not.

Like many of us, though, in personal (emotionally-based) relationships, i tend to bend, to sway, to give in, to do it their way...sometimes to my discomfort or disappointment or detriment.

I'm working hard on NOT doing that anymore.

I've decided it's emotionally dishonest for me to do that to a partner because it places ALL the responsibility for my happiness of him, and i have nothing to do but feel fulfilled or unfulfilled, happy or unhappy, satisfied or disappointed. The truth is that i am responsible for clearly detailing what i need to be happy - whether it be another orgasm or a shopping trip to help me buy functional shelving for my garage (cuz i know nothing about that kinda stuff and i absolutely NEED the help).

Within the tender beginning of my newly budded D/s relationship with Wolf, i am trying hard to overcome all these years of conditioning. (The garage shelving is an example but he made me admit i needed them and made me admit i wanted his help in going shopping for them because he could see the need and knew i wouldn't ask.) It's unfair for me to assume he can read my mind. It's unfair for me to keep essential info pertaining to my needs, whatever they are, from him.

So i'm going to try.

This is a new and shaky and kinda unknown area for me, this being assertive at all within the embrace of an emotional relationship. It's sooooooooooooooooooo much easier to smile and nuzzle and whisper, Whatever you want, of course, then it is to speak up and say, Well, instead of playing, can we please go drive downtown and get those shelves, shelves that you'll then have to spend time putting together for me?

Hard stuff, this being honest about one's needs. But it's real stuff. It's what grownups do, i think - even masosub grownups.

Time for me to grow up.

 

[cymbidia]

...if we're too aggressive, then are we really sure that we're submissive?

I know, to the core of my deepest self, that i'm submissive.

Aggression isn't assertiveness, as we all know.

Growing as a woman and as a person in the world isn't a matter of being aggressive or assertive or anything more than growing in an understanding of who we are with respect to other people with whom we come in contact.

Growing as the submissive to a dominant partner isn't a matter of aggression or assertiveness either, i think, but simply growing more confident in ourselves as a sexual being, more aware of our needs, more certain that our desires to give and take will be reciprocated in the manner we most want.

It's a thing of childhood, for me, in my life now, to fall back on the quiet, non-verbal, "whatever you want" mindset that's permeated so many of my adult relationships. Some of that is necessary to me to be who i am; i'm not and will never be loudly assertive within my emotional relationships. However, i think i've come to a place where i've finally realized that i owe my partner more honesty than i've been accustomed to giving - both verbal honesty and the honesty of my deepest (and not always sexual, either) needs.

I do believe i'm babbling!

 

[morninggirl5]

As a teacher, i'm definitely assertive. If it's about a child, i'm assertive.

With my friends and family, i'm so not assertive that on several different occasions it's been suggested that i learn how to say "No." I'm learning to say no to some people in my life. There are a few who i may never learn to be assertive with. Avoiding the inevitable confrontation is better than the alternative.