It is such a rush to see my stories published!!!!

[Suzie Samuels]

Thanks for giving my stories a place to have a life. It is great to see them published. But there is an even bigger one and that is the one of reading what a reader things of my 'babies'. Love to read your comments on my stories.

Suzie

[Edited by Suzie Samuels on 11-06-2000 at 03:40 AM]

 

[Whispersecret]

Suzie, since you asked for comment, I thought I would oblige.

"Vanished" is a great story. (Thanks for making it longer than a page! Heh heh.) I assume there's going to be more. I HOPE there's going to be more, because I'm really curious to find out what "maiming" is going to happen. I hope it's not a clitorectomy or something really gross like that.

I really liked the ceremony scene. I wish you had expanded that more, created more ritual dialogue, because that bit you had was very interesting. I felt like I was getting a peek into a secret society. Perhaps in the next installments there will be more. What's the name of the society? Do they have meetings? What do they do at the meetings? How are the other slaves obtained? How far reaching is this group, nationwide, worldwide? Is Geoff in the hierarchy, like an elder or something? I have a zillion questions about it.

Another little phrase that really got me was, "...the feeling of a man's hard cock opening me..." Very cool. I know exactly what you mean.

I am glad to see you develop her character from defiant and in denial, to what I assume will be complete submission at the end of the tale. That, I think, is one of the marks of a good story.

Okay, now for the not so good stuff. <winks>

You have a tendency to switch tenses throughout your story. You either need to write it all in present tense or all in past tense. I know when you write in first person it's hard, because you feel like you want to tell the story "as it happens," hence the use of present tense. But prose is more often written in past tense. I can see how it would be hard to stay consistent.

In one place, you referred to Geoff as "you." That always tweaks me and makes me think, "Gah, another cyber session turned story." I don't think that's the case here, but that's what I always think.

Also, there are a lot of "violations" of the rules involving dialogue and quotation marks. In a couple of places I found some redundancy.

HOWEVER, I really think you told a great story, used your vocabulary in a vivid way, painted a real picture with your words, made me get involved in poor Susie's ordeal. The problems I saw could be easily fixed by a skilled editor. With a little effort you and an editor could really polish up this baby and make it easy to read, clear and concise, and mechanically correct. I think your story could really be top-notch.

I hope this is helpful to you. Feel free to email me if you want more specific criticisms. Congratulations on being "published." I really look forward to the next installment.

[This message has been edited by whispersecret (edited 04-20-2000).]

 

[Suzie Samuels]

Thank you so much for your critique. I appreciate the time you have taken to do that for me. It means alot.

These are my first and second efforts at writing anything beyond business letters and such.

Prehaps the right way to do it would be to have it edited before I send it in for publishing.

The answers to all your questions will soon become very clear. Watch for the continuation.

Suzie

Originally posted by Suzie Samuels:
Thanks for giving my stories to have a life. It is great to see them published. But there is an even bigger one and that is the one of reading what a reader things of my 'babies'. Love to read your comments on my stories.

Suzie

 

[Vixen]

HOORAY, Suzie - I'm delighted to hear that there are more chapters of Vanished on the way. And yes, it is a huge rush to see my name in blue for the first time (as of tonight!!!)

 

[Suzie Samuels]

I hope you will enjoy the newest Vanished

Finally 2 more parts of Vanished are published and I am working on more. I do hope you enjoy them. Please let me know, what you think, will you?

I also have had other stories published, not all are BDSM.