Isolation

[BLoved]

Apparently a mod has decided to throw all of the discussions I tried to start into this thread, despite the fact that several of them are unrelated ...

I will endeavour to straighten out this mess, and will post when I am done.

---

I have done my best to attribute comments to the discussions where they occurred.

I have replaced bumps with "ignore". The casual 'bdsm' trolls were attempting to bury the discussions by 'bumping' up discussions seven and eight years old.

Yet another example of the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

By the way, if someone is aware of a rule that prohibits us from starting more than a limited number of discussions in a span of time I'd be happy to see it.

Wouldn't want to think a mod 'invented' a rule just for me. Level playing field is essential for a board if it is going to claim it supports free-speech.

--

And now, finally, and most appropriately: Isolation.

--

I wrote this while being persecuted on FetLife ... seems appropriate here:

Isolation

untouched

unloved

alone

misunderstood

reviled

refused

rejected

persecuted

censored

banned

unheard

unnoticed

ignored

abandoned

unaided

discouraged

unappreciated

disapproved

used

devalued

invalidated

ridiculed

marginalized

discarded

degraded

...

Isolation ... so much more than a word.

-----------

One expects to be persecuted by religious zealots ...

 

[BLoved]

Why are some people so desperate for consent?

Why are some people so desperate for consent?

Over and over again there are several people who make it very clear that any advice given to a submissive should be viewed as a mortal insult regarding her ability to live her life and make her own decisions.

Whenever I read these kinds of comments the words "touchy" and "thin-skinned" come to mind.

If indeed these be adults capable of making their own decisions then surely they can read anyone's opinion and form their own conclusions without someone telling them they should all be insulted.

This need to slam advice intended to help those who are vulnerable to manipulation and fraud really only serves the purposes of those who benefit from exploiting the vulnerable.

Easy to ambush the ignorant, much more difficult to ambush the informed.

And it is that appeal to the ego, claiming advice should be ignored to prove a person can make his or her own decisions, that demonstrates the lack of concern for meaningful consent.

Only the most naive or deliberately short-sighted could believe all consent is meaningful.

And I think we can rule out naivety in the case of those who have spoken on this issue in the past.

So I am thinking about the motives behind deliberately viewing each consent as meaningful whether it is or not, and not bothering to take the time or interest in finding out, and slamming any effort to offer advice and insight to anyone who might be at risk, to help them reduce their risk, and insulting those who are at risk (thus demonstrating a complete lack of compassion for anyone whose consent they mistakenly assume is meaningful).

"Tough noogies." might be an appropriate summation.

Now, when I review that paragraph, what I see is systemic exploitation of ignorance, driven through the suppression of information, misinformation, and a complete disregard for anyone but themselves.

And that makes me wonder ...

Are they so desperate for consent they will take it any way they can get it?

Do these personality traits look like they'd have trouble disregarding any or all symptoms of someone not giving meaningful consent?

If they are not concerned for meaningful consent, then what concern do they have for consent at all?

By its nature casual play does not involve a lengthy interview process. More than likely there is none at all.

There is simply not enough time or effort to discover whether a person's consent is meaningful or not.

For casual play to occur, the assumption must be made consent is meaningful, knowing full well there will be cases where it is not.

And it is that selfish pursuit for casual playmates that drives the disregard for whether consent is meaningful, just as it drives the disregard for anyone who is victimized by this disregard.

Thus the near pathological hatred for anyone who speaks on behalf of their victims.

It is their need to expunge their guilt that turns me into their scape goat.

 

[BLoved]

A few tips for Submissives questing for a Beloved

A few tips for Submissives questing for a Beloved

Moved to here

 

[BLoved]

Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love

Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love

Needs

The first need of the casual community is more recruits.

They are always recruiting more female submissives.

There is a good reason for that: female submissives quit the community.

One might ask "why?".

I find the cigarette industry a useful comparison.

How do you convince people to give up breathing fresh air and teach them to prefer cigarette smoke instead?

For the casual community, the question is: How do you convince people to give up Love and teach them to prefer lustful, loveless one night stands?

The answer is the same: you make it look "cool", and you silence anyone who would issue a warning about the dangers.

The reason so many female submissives quit is because they learn of the dangers for themselves, usually as a result of being abused.

Just as those who found themselves invaded by lung cancer gave up smoking.

________________________________________

________________________________________

Strategies

Paint a Rosy Picture

Control the medium, and you control the message.

The casual community has learned this lesson well.

By ensuring they are in positions of control: site owners, group owners, moderators, etc they are in a position to ensure only the message they want others to hear will be heard, and no other.

From this position they can make any claim, and as they have the authority to control what is heard, dissent is never heard.

And anyone who doesn't get with the program can be made an example of for others.

So now that we know what won't be heard, what do we hear?

We hear that everything is perfect in the casual community. Everything is a munch or a party. Everyone is safe, and do be doubly sure, there are dungeon monitors.

Safe and fun, that is what we hear about casual communities ... because that is what the casual communities who control the medium want us to hear.

We hear a lot about techniques, but no one talks about ethics.

If ethics comes up at all, it is the mantra "I can do anything I want, its my life."

Remember this. It will come up often.

Safe, fun, and self-indulging, this is the appearance of casual play in public.

What could appeal more to a young female novice submissive?

Lower Their Guard

And what could be more effective than a munch?

Gives the newbies a chance to meet the local play party crowd under controlled conditions.

Gives the local play party crowd a chance to determine which of the attendees will make for cooperative recruits.

After all, you didn't think they were there out of the goodness of their hearts, did you?

Keep in mind these are self-indulging people seeking recruits for lustful, loveless encounters.

Just as the lady selling tupperware may come across as wanting to be your best friend, so too do those seeking fresh meat.

"I can do anything I want, its my life."

They are not there for you. They don't even know you. So why invite you into a loveless sexual encounter unless they believe it will benefit themselves?

Well might one wonder, but the question is easily overlooked when distracted by their friendly behaviour.

The casual communities attempt to create the impression of relaxed, friendly people who are there to make new friends.

Again, one might wonder, what happened to the old "new friends"? How many munches a year does a casual community have, and how many attend, and how many more next year, and the year after that, and what of the years past?

Surely these communities must be packed like sardines in any given room at a play party by now.

We'll get to that.

The munch exists to reassure you that you are dealing with a group of "safe, sane, real" people.

Whether it succeeds depends upon the quality of their performance.

Ask any tupperware party saleslady.

________________________________________

Play Parties

There are at least two kinds of play party: public and private.

Public Play Parties

The public parties are usually money-making in nature. A hall is rented, tickets are sold, anyone walking by along the street can get in for the price of admission.

Depending on the size of the hall, attendance can reach the hundreds.

Nearly all will be male.

Stages are erected for the purposes of displaying the talents of the domly types on submissives. Think of it as an erotic performance, with restraints.

Anyone can submit, as long as they can find someone with toys to dom them.

It is important to notice just how safe this is for a female submissive being invited to perform.

Keep in mind the submissive will be restrained, and thus unable to do anything to protect herself.

Anyone can enter the premises.

No weapons or bottle check is made. No sobriety check is made. Those who come in can be high on anything, and packing anything.

All they need is the price of admission.

It is most likely the event itself is illegal. If busted there will likely be charges. If someone with kids is charged, Social Services may get involved.

For this reason it will be with the greatest of reluctance paramedics would be called in the event of an emergency.

The police with even more reluctance.

True, there are Dungeon Monitors, volunteers who are to keep the peace.

But how much of themselves are they willing to risk for the sake of others if they are not even performing a weapons check at the door to protect themselves?

I've always said it is the little things that count the most. I pay attention to the little details like this that add up to a bigger picture.

The Dungeon Monitors are a bluff. If they were serious about safety, they'd check for weapons and drugs and booze and needles and ... you get my drift.

If anyone can walk in off the street a street gang could walk in off the street.

Even without the street gang, the mob of men themselves could turn on others, in frustration or machismo or whatever.

There are never going to be enough monitors to control such a crowd if it got out of control, and considering what the female submissives are 'advertising' merely by being there, this is not a situation you ever want getting out of control.

So ... why are there no weapons checks?

Moving along ...

Even ignoring the possibility of the crowd losing control, a small group of men can do a fair bit of damage to a woman in a crowd. Most bystanders will watch, assuming this too is part of the entertainment.

For them, it is a rape scene.

So ... why does the online casual community insist these events are "safe"?

Especially since these events occur world wide without any attention being paid to them by the individuals who claim these events are safe.

No one can speak for what rules apply to these events, because those who run these events can invent their own rules, on the fly if need be.

Furthermore, no one can speak to whether the rules are inforced, or in what matter, because once again those who run these events and those who enforce the rules are making judgment calls on the fly, as needed.

And in making their choice, their interests are first and foremost, not those of anyone requiring medical attention.

And those who advocate this behaviour, the ones who believe they benefit from it, how can they absolve themselves of their own self-interest?

How can they claim no abuse occured when they could not witness all things happening to all attendees during the time all of these events occurred?

They do not stop and say "the ones I went to were safe for me" until they are pressed against the wall.

The party line is they are all safe.

If none of them ever admit to safety concerns, they all benefit.

More novices are lured into a sense of false security.

So why does the online casual community censor any attempt to discuss this?

Because they get trapped behind these ridiculous claims and the truth becomes clear.

These events are not safe.

You will notice a lot of this 'closing of the ranks' mentality as we go along.

Private Play Parties

Private play parties occur in homes, with small groups of people specifically invited for the event.

Basically, if you were invited, someone in the group was hot for your meat and believes you will cooperate completely with their fantasies that involve you.

In theory, no one is pressured into anything.

In practice, that all depends upon someone's definition for "pressure".

Deception may or may not be used to obtain cooperation.

Drugs/alcohol may or may not be used to obtain cooperation.

Hypnosis may or may not be used to obtain cooperation.

And that is assuming subtlty is involved.

For some, the fact a submissive even shows up is enough cooperation. For others, if she permits herself to be tied up she is available to anyone attending.

The thinking is, if she didn't want it, she wouldn't have come to the event.

What limits will be respected and which will be ignored are entirely up to the regular group, who will always outnumber the recruits.

One group I knew of required both members of a couple to serve as subs, regardless of whether they were subs or not.

This would mean both could be rendered helpless at the same time and neither be able to come to the aid of the other, if required.

Unlike public play parties which are advertised, there is no hope of making claims about how many private parties occur, who is involved, what rules are enforced and how are they enforced, what safety protocols are followed, if any ...

But it will be noted this does not deter those who advocate such behaviour to make claims about safety without concern for this lack of knowledge.

They are all safe.

________________________________________

Other Forms of Casual Encounters

Adultery (Cheating)

It is not unusual I see an advertisement from a woman claiming to be attached seeking discreet encounters.

Here all safety concerns are cast to the wind. No one must know they are meeting, so no one knows where she goes, or who she is with.

Anything can happen, and no one would know.

There is the possibility of blackmail.

If helpless, there is the chance he uses no protection and causes pregnancy or the transmission of disease.

And even if the worst does not happen, bruises and marks are more easily obtained than explained.

There is one other aspect that often gets overlooked.

How trustworthy is a man who helps a woman cheat her husband?

Partner Exchange (Wife Swapping)

I must make clear that there are two very different types of people who engage in this practice.

There are those who form close friendships with others and with whom they share sexual intimacy. These are not casual, loveless relationships, tho' it is unlikely they are full-blown romances. These are people who care for each other deeply. What they share is not a one-night stand, but part of an evolving relationship.

And then there is the other type.

These are couples where the dom wants to watch his submissive with another woman, or a couple, or for whatever reason finds his sexual arousal enhanced from such situations.

There is little or no contact with each other except for these events.

The submissive might well find herself involved to show her love for her dom, or because she's promised to do anything, etc.

The risk for her is mostly the emotional damage done to her.

I will discuss that concept in the "On Ethics" section.

Mentoring (Training)

By this I do not mean the giving of advice. In that sense "mentor" is just another word for "friend".

We all give and receive advice.

What I mean here are those who, in theory, act as dom for the submissive till she finds "the One" for her.

In theory, he is preparing her for her "One".

In fact, he is doing what he wants with her.

Dressing it up as another "lesson" just makes this more palatable.

He does not point out to her that he is cheating her "One" of the pure joy of being first to share any of this with her.

Nor does he make clear that what he teaches her may have nothing to do with what her "One" wants.

Indeed, what he teaches may make it more difficult for her to share herself with her "One".

By the way, this is another one of those concepts in which the online casual community unites.

All mentors are good. Everyone should get training. People should attend courses.

Thus, those whose sexuality, like their love, is a private matter, are urged to rush into the casual community where such concepts are alien.

Nothing is private in the casual community.

One-Night Stands

This group represents the largest segment of the casual community, online or off.

These are the guys the dating services love, because these are the guys who will use their service to send a note to every woman, five times a day.

These are people desperate for sex, of any kind, any way they can get it.

No one can argue they do not belong in the casual community, because their needs are no different from the rest.

They all want a loveless, temporary, no strings attached, no consequences encounter.

These are the guys who showed up at the munch.

These are the guys who showed up at the public play parties.

These are the guys who are in it for the sex, nothing else.

Just like those who organize the play parties.

The only difference between any of them is what rules do they live by, and what rules will they break to get what they want.

"I can do whatever I want. It's my life."

________________________________________

On Ethics

"Behave towards others the way you would want them to behave towards you, were the situation reversed."

Seems pretty straight-forward, doesn't it?

What about this one?

"Others will behave towards you the way they expect you to behave towards them."

You won't see that one written down anywhere, but it is nonetheless true.

There are those who expect the best in others, and do their best to offer the same.

And then there are those who expect the worst in others, and will do their best to meet their needs anyway they can.

One might generalize these two concepts as "Cooperation" and "Competition".

Cooperation seeks to harmonize relationships so that all may meet their needs and all may benefit.

Competition seeks private profit without regard for the consequences to others.

Each is a paradigm through which each individual makes choices.

The nature of each individual can be determined by their concern for the consequence of decisions to others.

Cooperation demands concern.

Competition scorns it.

________________________________________

The Ethics of BDSM

There is no concept more essential to BDSM than "Consent".

Without consent BDSM is assault, rape, forcible confinement, kidnapping ...

There are no doubts about this. For BDSM to be "consensual" it must depend upon "consent".

But how does one define "consent"?

For some, it is enough to show up at the door.

For others, it requires lengthy negotiations and a signed agreement.

It can be many different things to different people.

As one might expect, those who choose Cooperation and those who choose Competition have very different ways of looking at this.

Cooperation

Because the focus of Cooperation is that all needs are met and all benefit, those who follow this path concern themselves with issues such as competency.

It is not enough to say "Yes". For a yes" to have meaning, it must be the result of an informed consideration from a competent mind.

The individual must understand what they are agreeing to, and must be in a sober, adult state of mind.

This automatically invalidates consent from children, and adults with afflictions that affect their capacity to judge for themselves the consequences of their decisions.

It also invalidates the consent of those who have no idea what they are getting into. If they are unaware of the risks, they cannot make an informed decision for themselves.

Cooperation requires all of these assessments take place, so as to ensure that all will indeed benefit.

And even so, despite all of these precautions, problems can arise.

I will discuss more of that in "Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction".

Competition

Because the focus of Competition is personal gain, without concern for the consequences of others, "consent" becomes a vague and nebulous concept.

Whatever definition is applied, it will serve the needs of the one seeking consent, not necessarily the one who gives it.

And this does not apply just to the idea of consent, it applies to all activities.

If one is willing to play fast and loose with consent, what is one willing to do when it comes to limits and safewords?

What about health and safety concerns?

Again, none of these are concerns for the one seeking consent.

His concern is his own personal gain.

He has no concern for the consequences to those he uses to get what he wants.

His is a strictly cost/benefit mentality. The less he can put in and the more he can get out, the better.

This is not an individual who is going to get to know the submissive, whether he gives that appearance or not. He doesn't want to know her. He wants to use her.

As long as she is willing to be used, he is happy. If she becomes unwilling, he will find another.

His concern is only for his own personal gain.

________________________________________

Love and Fear and BDSM

By now it will be obvious that those who focus on Cooperation act from Love. The degree to which they love isn't an issue, they love to some degree to care for the well-being of others.

And because they care for the well-being of others, health and safety risks are minimized, as are the risks that limits and safewords will be ignored.

This approach also recognizes the value of after-care.

Those who focus on Competition act from Fear. Their focus on personal gain without concern for others is a result of their fear they live in a dog-eat-dog world, and that if they don't grab what they want, they will never get it as no one will cooperate and give it to them.

For them it is 'use or be used'.

That some of them can cooperate in casual groups does not alter this.

Dogs hunt in packs yet will fight for the spoils.

Yet Love and Fear do not act on the domly types alone. They also motivate the submissives.

Some submissives give because the Love within them for another inspires them to give.

Some submissives give out of fear that if they don't they will not be loved, accepted, desired.

The one who loves is concerned for how her behaviour benefits another. Cooperation.

The one who fears is concerned for how her behaviour benefits herself (that others benefit is the cost she must pay to get what she wants). Competition.

The consequences for these couplings depends very much on the nature(s) of those involved.

The very best combination (and the one I seek) is a Cooperative Dom with a Cooperative submissive. Both are thinking of the well-being of the other.

The very worst combination is the Competitive Dom with a Competitive submissive. Her need for approval is a terrible weapon in the hands of a selfish dom. Simply by grinding down her self-respect he can make it impossible for her to leave. Those familiar with the symptoms of spousal abuse would recognize this relationship as being very similar.

With either of the other two combinations, there is an opportunity for healing, and an opportunity for abuse.

A Cooperative dom with a Competitive submissive can offer the submissive the experience that helps her overcome her low self-esteem. On the other hand the submissive can be emotionally abusive and drain the dom.

A Competitive dom with a Cooperative submissive has a chance to physically and emotionally abuse the submissive. Her need to heal the pain that caused his fear can lead her to return repeatedly and tolerate much before the abuse reaches a point where she cannot return. On the other hand, her love could be what he needs to turn his back on fear.

To the degree we believe in the best in others we will be inclined towards provide loving cooperation and will expect to find the best in others.

To the degree we believe in the worst in others we will be inclined towards taking what we want out of fear that no one will love us enough to give us what we want.

Love or Fear, we exist under the sway of one or the other.

Never both.

Self-Respect

Self-respect means to have a healthy concern for your well-being: mental, physical, emotional, and for those who believe in it, spiritual.

It means to take care of yourself, embrace healthy choices and reject unhealthy ones.

It means to be truthful with one's self. To be completely candid. To recognize the consequences for one's decisions and to accept responsibility for those consequences. Not just the consequences as they affect you, but also as they affect others involved.

This is not about how others see you. It is not about flattery or delusions of grandeur.

This is about you taking care of you. A quiet, calm, fair assessment.

That which promotes self-respect is healthy.

That which inhibits self-respect is unhealthy.

To the degree one exhibits these qualities is the degree to which one feels self-respect, and thus the degree to which one can feel and express love towards another.

To the degree one lacks these qualities is the degree to which one feels a lack of self-respect, and thus is susceptible to control by Fear.

Abuse

Abuse is the process of inhibiting self-respect.

The more one believes they are deserving of mental, physical, emotional and/or spiritual degradation, the more inhibited self-respect will be, and thus the greater the abuse done.

This is not a natural condition. Babies are not born believing this.

People are taught to believe this about themselves.

Considering we are all born with an aversion to such treatment, shunning away from it being a natural response, the fact someone believes themselves deserving of nothing better is evidence of past abuse.

At some point she was taught to expect no better treatment, to tolerate the treatment she got ... to see herself "deserving" the abuse.

Whether a submissive is predisposed to abuse because of past abuse, or whether she is unable to see that the dom she loves is incapable of giving love back, either in the hands of a Competitive dom will find his needs are met better the more they inhibit their self-respect.

The longer this goes on, the greater the damage done to their self-respect.

Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction

As was described in the previous section, past abuse can predispose a submissive to accept more abuse.

This is not inevitable. Love has a healing quality when it comes to abuse.

Whether the love of one person can heal the abuse suffered by another very much depends on the individuals and the degree to which Love and Fear motivates them.

But there is no cure for abuse but Love.

Love helps to restore self-respect.

Love provides a solid foundation from which one can determine what is real, what is flattery, and what is delusion.

Love does not deceive.

But for those who do not find love, and for those combinations of people where the love of one was insufficient to overcome the fears of the abused, there continues this diminished sense of self-respect.

In their need for relief, they seek solace in the arms of others. But in allowing themselves to be used for the sake of the illusion of being desired they further undermine their self-respect.

Some, convinced they are not doing enough to be desirable, seek to go further, casting off limits if need be, ignoring safety concerns and pushing themselves to the brink of extinction, emotionally if not physically as well.

It is a vicious cycle which, if not stopped, eventually leaves the submissive incapable of accepting love, pushing away anything that looks like love.

After so much abuse, she simply no longer believes in it, or no longer believes herself worthy of it.

She may well go to the extreme of only seeking out situations where there is no chance of Love entering her world.

Jaded and calloused, she may even join in the abuse of others.

After so much abuse, the ability to relate to the feelings of others grows numb.

Just as it does for the domly types who abuse others.

________________________________________

________________________________________

The Case for Love

Love strengthens self-respect, in the lover and the one loved.

Love respects consent and the lack of consent.

Love tolerates no deception.

Love is patient and thorough.

Love never places a beloved at risk.

Love delights in the sharing of discovery and exploration.

Love needs no previous experience.

Love heals.

Love has meaning, not just for one night, but night after night after ...

Love isn't lonely.

Love is much more than lust.

Love challenges us to be our best, because it demands of us that we care for another as much as we care for ourselves.

As we would not deny ourselves our best, so too do we not deny our best to those we love.

To be our best we must be willing to grow, to learn, to explore and discover, always respecting our selves and each other.

Love offers all of this to those who have the courage to believe in themselves, to respect themselves, to respect others.

Love offers itself to those who turn their backs on Fear.

Love offers itself to those who choose to be what they were born to be.

Human.

 

[BLoved]

What does Love-based BDSM look like? Part 1

Moved to here.

 

[BLoved]

What does Love-based BDSM Look Like? Part 2

Moved to here.

 

[BLoved]

A Master Weeps ...

A Master Weeps ...

I see words like "playmates", "mentor", "seeks training", "play party" and I wonder.

How many people can actually handle the intimacy of bdsm within a loving relationship?

I see many seeking someone to inspire that endorphin/adrenaline rush, but too few seeking someone to inspire intimacy and love.

And yet, many of you talk of finding a "life partner" some day.

What will he feel when he hears you've slept with and performed for Tom, Dick and Harry, trained under John and have been the centre of attention for every play party you've attended?

Will he feel cherished and loved when you offer him what you've offered without love to so many others before him?

And when you realize there is no genuine love or trust for a woman who hands herself around, will you convince yourself there is no such thing as love, or will you settle for the best you can get?

And thus your calloused heart grows cold.

Love is not an easy path.

Love takes away the freedom to not care, to be disrespectful, to harm another, to be thoughtless, to be less than we are capable of being.

Love isn't satisfied with us being lazy.

Love demands the best from each of us, all the time.

Love demands we learn to do better, so we can be better lovers for those we love.

Love doesn't have room for egotism.

Love is a group dynamic.

Love is cooperative.

Love is the ultimate challenge.

Love requires we find the courage to be vulnerable, to reveal ourselves completely and to trust another with our hearts.

Love is its own reward.

There is no love without intimacy, and there is no intimacy in casual bdsm.

In casual bdsm, there are just people using each other for the endorphin/adrenaline they can squeeze out of them.

Casual bdsm is emotionally abusive because it neglects the needs of the heart.

It ignores the need for love in anything as intimate as bdsm.

And yet, this is almost all I see here, women eager to rush off to explore the casual bdsm world.

It is enough to make a master weep ...

 

[BLoved]

Love is ...

Love is ...

Love is the ultimate confirmation.

In Love we do not live for ourselves alone.

We live for another as well.

We are needed, essential to the well-being of another.

Those who have never known this may scoff.

Those who have loved and been loved will never forget it

And no substitute will ever provide satisfaction.

Love is incomparable.

Only through Love can we learn to be all that we can be.

Only Love provides the necessary motivation to strive for perfection.

Beside Love everything else is mundane, trivial, inconsequential.

We only have one life with which to make a choice.

I choose Love.

I need to be all I can be.

I need to discover my full potential.

Without Love, it will never happen.

 

[BLoved]

A Gentleman ...

A Gentleman ...

A gentleman does not chase a lady.

He seeks to inspire the best in her.

If he fails to inspire the best, he knows he is not the right man for her. But if he succeeds, he trusts she will recognize him and choose to follow.

A gentleman never forces a lady.

If he is worthy of her affection, she will choose to serve.

Anything else is unworthy and inadequate.

A gentleman need only demonstrate his true qualities for a wise lady to make a wise choice.

 

[BLoved]

A Rare Woman ...

A Rare Woman ...

Sleazy is easy to find

And 'submissive' women dripping machismo may appeal to others

But a woman with the courage to be vulnerable, a woman seeking true love ... she is a rare woman indeed.

 

[BLoved]

Barnacles and Butterflies

Barnacles and Butterflies

Romance: Love, especially romantic love idealized for its purity. A spirit of or inclination for adventure and mystery ...

Romantic: Evoking and/or given to thoughts and feelings of love, especially idealized love. A person who is idealistic, amorous, and/or soulful ...

It is the story of our age that amongst all those seeking personal gain and/or lustful encounters so few pursue Romance.

It is said Idealism is a luxury only the young can afford, but at 52 I have yet to find anything more precious or worthy of respect.

Perhaps they say this because as you get older, you accumulate bad experiences like barnacles on a ship.

But unlike ships, most people never scrape off the barnacles.

Indeed, some wear them with pride, flaunting their cynicism as if conquering Idealism is some noble accomplishment.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

It is like tearing the wings off a butterfly and watching the poor creature crawl where once it knew the freedom of the skies.

In a world of barnacles and flight-less butterflies is it any wonder people are dissatisfied with what they have? Any wonder they no longer believe in the beauty and majesty of Love?

 

[BLoved]

Promises to Live By

Promises to Live By

I will hope for the best from you.

I will have faith in you.

I will believe you.

I will trust you.

I will respect you.

I will discuss with you.

I will listen to you.

I will teach you.

I will learn from you.

I will cherish you.

I will care for you.

I will heal you.

I will need you.

I will be there for you.

I will stand up for you.

I will understand you.

I will love you ...

... Always ...

 

[BLoved]

Promises ...

Promises ...

Better to never make a promise than to break the ones you make.

The first just shows a lack of commitment.

The second shows a lack of commitment and integrity.

 

[BLoved]

The Little Things ...

The Little Things ...

The way she looks at you when she thinks you're not looking.

The way her hair smells when she rests her head on your chest.

The way your heart hurts every time you think of her, and the way it hurts every time you're near her.

The way you feel anger towards those who have hurt her, and the way you feel gratitude towards those who have helped her.

The way she laughs, the way she smiles, the way she sleeps in your arms at night.

The little things mean so much ...

 

[BLoved]

Love and Respect

Love and Respect

Moved to here

 

[BLoved]

Responding to "Isolation":

It will be noticed that the casual players don't concern themselves with things like this.

They are the same bullies who made life a living hell for the fat kid, the skinny kid, the black kid, the gay kid in schoolyards everywhere.

Just as they don't care about the consequences of their behaviour in a public forum, so they don't care about the consequences of their behaviour in private either.

They only want to get what they want, and damn anyone who gets in their way.

 

[BLoved]

The inability to concern one's self with whether consent is meaningful or not is a hallmark of casual 'bdsm'.

They will abuse anyone with a pulse who can say "yes".

 

[BLoved]

Responding to "A few tips for Submissives questing for a Beloved":

I hope those of you who find this helpful will take the time to read Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse so as to know what to expect from the casual community.

 

[BLoved]

Not too hard to understand why so many abusive personalities have surfaced, just as it isn't too hard to recognize them from their posts.

So many abusive posts in public is the result of their immaturity, their inability to retrain their abusive tendencies.

They hate it when novices are told of the tricks to expect from the casual community.

 

[BLoved]

Without Love, bdsm is just another word for "abuse".

 

[BLoved]

Of what value is an endless stream of one-night stands when one is left alone, unloved, ignored?

 

[BLoved]

Would that there were more who embraced love, and fewer who embraced abuse.

 

[BLoved]

Pretty obvious those of us who love cannot co-exist with those who abuse.

The abusive personalities of the casual community cannot handle the competition for your attention.

Like offering you rotten fruit when there is an apple tree nearby with delicious ripe apples ready to be picked.

So they shout down anyone who speaks ill of their abusive tendencies. They persecute anyone who would provide you insight into their various techniques for luring in unsuspecting victims.

And they are so blind to their own behaviour they believe their abuse isn't obvious to one and all.

They will always view those of us whose bdsm is motivated by love as a threat.

And we are.

Who wants to be abused when they can be loved?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Love is letting him order pizza with olives and egg.

 

[BLoved]

Responding to "A Gentleman ...":

And how many casual players try to inspire the best in their victims?

How many couldn't care less, as long as they get what they want?