Is this still hiding what I am?

[Eros_1337]

I am a bi male, and I recently just came out to one of my lesbian friends. It felt good to finally get it all off my chest after hiding it from everybody for years. Anyway, she was glad I finally admitted it, and she saw right through my guise. Apparently, I'm not so good at being in the closet. Well, actually, she thought I was full on gay.

Anyways, we got to talking about coming to other people. Namely, my parents. I told her that, since I was bi, I had a choice. If I get with a woman, then I won't tell my mother what I am, she'll never have to know. My friend seemed uncomfortable with my plan, stating that I'm still using my hypothetical future girlfriend/wife to hide what I am.

Is this still really hiding what I am?

btw, yes, I know I have a low post count. No, I don't really care.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The real question to ask yourself is; how safe is it, for YOU-- to tell your mother anything about your sexuality? Your lesbian friend might be just fine with her family-- but hers isn't yours.

In a better world we would all be out to our parents, bosses, drill sergeants, and passers-by on the street. However this world isn't exactly easy for queers. If you feel totally unsafe talking about being bi to your mom, then don't do it. If it's merely uncomfortable, as opposed to really effing scary-- think about it. Give yourself time to get used to the idea. You are not on anyone else's timetable.

 

[Experiencedguy]

First, how old are you? If you joined on your 18th birthday, you are still pretty young. Second, it sounds like you don't know what you prefer. You may end up with a woman? Well, if you may, why bring it up? Now, if you end up with another guy, then you are going to have to come out. If you are still fairly young, and you are confused and unsure, and your parents are the correct ones to talk to, go ahead. But, if they are not the correct ones to talk to, be prepared for the consequences.

It all boils down to this: What is best for you? Not what is best for your lesbian friend, not what is best for your parents. To thine own self be true. How true you are to to others depends on you, not me or anyone else.

 

[Eros_1337]

Actually, she's more scared to come out to her parents than I am.

As far as safety goes, I wouldn't call it dangerous. I just don't exactly want to do it. They've figured it out, more or less. But them thinking it and not being sure, and me telling them and they know 100% are two different things. I can't really explain why I'm so hesitant to come out, I just...am if that makes sense.

edit:I'm 23

 

[Vixandra]

I can understand where you're coming from. Coming out to one's family can be nerve-wracking or even terrifying. It was for me for a long time, even though I'm married to a wonderful man.

I hit a point last fall where my grandfather pushed me into a proverbial corner (long aggravating story) and I came out as bisexual to him and figured in for a penny in for a pound. A family member that doesn't love me because I'm not straight is one I can do without.

I came out on Facebook and in conversation with my Dad and no longer hide what I am from my family. Yeah, it's becoming cliche these days but it made sure no one had to respond to who I openly am immediately. The responses I got were mostly supportive or silence, which are both okay by me.

I'm 28 and figure I'm more than old enough to know who I am in life. I find a woman to add to that life, I don't want to hide her away in a corner away from my family. If she's worthy of my love and I of hers, I won't hide that away.

What if you meet the Mr. Wonderful instead of Ms. Wonderful? Life's quirky that way and wouldn't you hate for your beloved to hide you from his family because he's seeking a woman instead of seeking love for love's sake?

 

[Hitchiker69]

Take your time. This is nothing you have to do today, this week or even this year.
Your private life is yours to keep as long as you like.